Light and Dark The Adventures of Dark Yagami
by D'arkYagam'i
Summary: Light's twin brother Dark moves in with them! What secrets does he have? Has cusses and Sayu/Misa. EDIT: His other sister Night Yagami will come as well! Find her secrets too!
1. Chapter 1 A NEW BEGINNING OF ACTION!

Light and Dark – The Adventures of Dark Yagami

_AN: Hi thanks for reading! Please rate high! Note this story has some cusses but its Light's dad that says them so its pretty funny. Also if you know what Light's mom is called please tell me lol!_

Light and Dark – The Adventures of Dark Yagami

It was a hot day and Light came home from school. As he got to his house he saw a strange car outside and he knew immediately it was not American because the wheel was on the wrong side. He walked in the front door to find his dad Soichiro and his mom (AN: I cant remember her name sorry!). They looked surprised to see him.

"Mom dad what's going on?" Light asked them.

"Light we have something to tell you" said his dad while playing with his mustache.

"This is your twin brother Dark Yagami" they both said together, and pointed to the guy in the corner of the room.

Dark looked exactly the same as Light except that he had black hair and was dressed like Mello (but Light hadn't met mello yet so he didn't know that ;-) ). He got up and walked across the room.

"Hi bro! I'm Dark!" he said lolling and offered his hand to shake.

"How could you not tell me about this!?" Light shouted like mad.

"We sent him to a top secret orphanage in Whales (its a town in England) where he would learn to be the next L. We can't tell anyone because its top secret and kira might find out and Kira might try to kill him" his mom said.

Light was crazy and punched table.

"I'm going to my room! Come on Sayu!" he said and Sayu (Light's sister lol!) followed him upstairs.

"I'm sorry light I wanted to tell you about Dark but mom and Soichiro wouldn't let me."

"That's ok!" Light replyed "Your my sister and I know how much you love me!"

"Thanks Light!" they hugged.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything!" It was Dark.

"Come on Dark I've got something to show you" Light said and they went into their room (Light's parents had made light's bed into a double bed (I know what your thinking sickos no theres no slash!)).

Light put the pencil in the door to stop people listening and said "I'm Kira".

Dark immediately shooted "I know it!"

"Your a worthy successor to L I know why your his successor now." Light said.

"Don't worry bro I wont tell anyone. In fact I have a death note of my own." Dark replied pulling a blood red notebook out of pants (he put it there in case his bags was searched).

"Hey your death note is a different colour to mine" he said pointing to the black death note in Light's draw.

"Stop saying colour! Your in America now! Its color!" Light replied exaspirated.

"Sorry lol" Dark said.

"This is my shinigami" he said and light saw a big monster appear. He was like twice the size of Ruyk and had a big mowhawk made of blood and skulls. Even Light was scarred of him. He was eating bananas like Ruyk ate apples but they were blood bananas made of blood.

"He's big" said Light as the shinigami bit down on a blood banana "What's his name/"

"_MY NAME IS BLUD_" said Blud as he kept eating the blood banana "_I AM THE NEW KING OF THE SHINIGAMI AND I HAVE A SPECIAL DEATH NOTE THAT KILLS ANYONE WHOS NAME IS WRITTEN IN IT EVEN IF YOU DONT KNOW THERE FACE OR NAME_"

"I have to unpack now said Dark

"Ok I will leave you to it" Light replied and exited the door.

Dark took his cellphone out of his special place (AN: figure it out for yourself lol!) and pressed the L button. L's phone began to ring

"Hello who is this how did you get my number?" L said angry.

"I am D" Dark said "I have killed Mello and stolen his clothes and run away from Watari's house."

"What?! But Watari would have told me if M was dead." L said shockingly.

"I also killed Watari" said Dark who was playing with his red death note.

L looked around his room. Watari was still standing in the corner just like he always did.

"But who's this with me then" L asked?

"A fake"

At that moment Watari took his mask off and it was (GASP!) Light's dad!

"Die you pies of shit!" Soichiro said as he pulled out his gun and pointed it at Ls head.

TO BE CONTINUED!? (yes!)


	2. Chapter 2 I explain some stuffs

FLASHBACK: 1 month ago

FLASHBACK: 1 month ago

Watari House, England

Mello was sitting in his dorm eating a chocolate bar. The floor was covered in lots of chocolate bar wrappers which went crunch when Mello stood on them.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in!" said mello putting down his chocolate.

The door spun open to reveal Dark standing wearing a dressing gown with a posh letter D on the back. He had an evil smile on his face and an even eviller one in his heart.

"Where is Near?" asked Dark puzzled.

"He is near" joked Mello.

"Ha ha very funny" replied Dark.

"Ok he's gone to Scotland today but will be flying back this evening. Until then we'll be alone" Mello started zipping his leather vest thingy "Want to have some fun?"

Dark grinned and nodded. In a flash Mello had removed his close revealing just a set of black boxer shorts printed with lots of posh letter Ms.

Dark pulled an pistol out of his dressing gown and pointed it at mello.

"Just because you look like a girl doesn't mean your hot." said Dark and shot him and stole his clothes (but not the boxers obv!).

"I say! what's all this noise!" said Watari coming in the room. He saw Dark's gun and shouted

"Bloody bugger! You shot Mello! Now who will kill Kira"?

Dark shot Watari again and he fell to the floor shouting. Then he stopped shouting and died.

Once he had escaped the house, Dark took his mobile (AN: that's what English people call cellphones) and called a mysterious phone number.

"Hello? Who is this?" asked the mustached man.

"I am your son Dark. The one you abandoned 19 years and sent to a boarding school in England. Well I have escaped now and I need you to do me a favor and dress up like Watari and confuse L."

"How do you know about Watari?" asked the dad who was very confused.

"I killed him!"

There was a surprised gasp but then Soichiro came back and said he would do it but only if Dark came back to live with them in America. Dark agreed but he didn't have money so he would have to hide in a box and fly in an airplane and hope he didn't get spotted.

ONE WEEK LATER

Soichiro took the trunk off the spinner and carried it to the car. Noone but him knew that Dark was hiding inside it. They went through the x ray machine but that was no danger because the box had lead in it and that confused the machine and stopped the x rays being seen. Once noone could see them Soichiro opened the box and Dark jumped out.

"Good job dad!" said Dark as he jumped into the car.

"Now take me to Light. I have a lot of interesting things to say to him…….."

PRESENT DAY

L dodged Light's dad's bullets and ran across the room. He hid behind a pile of candy and said "Stop Soichiro! I can help you"

Then Soichiro ran over and said "I know I have not really betrayed you. Instead I have learned that Dark killed Watari and Mello." L was shocked.

"In fact I think that Dark is Kira"

"Of course! It all makes sense now!" shouted L. "He framed his twin brother when in fact he is killing people somehow. We have to stop him!"

"I think I have a plan……." Said Soichiro twisting his mustache like an evil guy.

DON'T WORRY THERE'S MORE SOON!


	3. Chapter 3 Misa and Sayu do sexy stuff!

BACK AT LIGHT'S HOUSE

BACK AT LIGHT'S HOUSE

Light switched on the news. There were lots of evil people on tv so he wrote their names down and killed them. Dark meanwhile was still unpacking his box which was full of detective stuff he had been given while he was at Watari's house.

The door bell rang and Light shouted I'll get it! He ran down the stairs and opened the door. It was Misa!

Misa was wearing a lacy dress but it wasn't all goth like her old one. Instead it was white and had blue skirt which was short.

"Ah Misa! I am happy to see you!" Light said hugging. He looked around sacredly his mom was in the next room and might hear him.

"Did you bring the" he winked "homework" he winked again.

Yes.

"Come with me" he said and they went upstairs.

Light and Misa went upstairs and knocked on the door.

"Hang on I'm getting changed" said Dark.

"Ok he's probably naked so you can't go in there. Wait out here for me" said Light to Misa as he opened the door.

Once Misa was alone Sayu came out the closet (get it!? : P ).

"Hey Misa! I know your secret!!" she said.

Misa tried to look calm but the fear in her eyes said a different story. She was very frightened because this girl might know the truth and she would be in trouble.

"I don't know what your talking about" she said scared.

"I know that you and Light and Dark are Kira and your killing people"

"NO! Don't tell people! You have to keep it a secret" Misa screamed.

"Ok. I won't tell L on one condition you have to sex with me."

Misa looked surprised. She stepped back and gasped.

"Your a lesbian?" she asked curiously.

"Yes. Why are you?" Sayu said back sexily.

"I am vicarious" Misa replied as she took her dress off and walked into Sayu's room.

Meanwhile in Light's room Light and Dark were talking about the new powerful death note.

"_I GOT IT BECAUSE I KILLED THE OLD KING OF THE SHINIGAMI AND THAT MADE ME THE NEW KING." _Said Blud_ "THE KING GETS A POWEFUL DEATH NOTE THAT LETS HIM KILL WHOEVER HE WANTS AND ALSO HE GETS A PALACE AND A WIFE AND ALL THE BLOOD BANANAS HE CAN EAT"_

"Let's try it out" said Light.

"Ok to test it lets kill this guy." He pointed to a tall ugly guy on the tv. The man was fat and was presenting the weather.

"But I don't know his name" said Light confused.

"You don't need to. All you need is the face." Replied

Light wrote in the death note and sure enough, the man died!

"Oh my god that is so good!" said Light amazed as he watched the man roll around the floor dying. "Now let us try it on more tv people….."

Meanwhile back in Sayu's room Sayu and Misa were both in there underwear. Sayu was wearing a blue Nike sports bra and short and Misa was wearing a bikini with glitter on it that was shiny against her blond hair. Misa let her hair down and said to Sayu "you look so hot"

Sayu leaned over and began making out with Misa. Quickly she unbuttoned Misa's bikini and it fell to the floor leaving her topless. Sayu then took her own underwear off and she was naked underneath. Misa squeaked as Sayu began moving down and frenched her neck.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Sayu cussed and went to the door. She opened the door at and it was…… Dark!

He looked shocked and said "my sister's a lesbian!" Sayu realised she was naked and slammed the door shut.

"F-CK OFF YOU PERV! MOM AND SOICHIRO SHOULD NEVER HAVE ADOPTED YOU BACK" she screamed.

"I'm sorry Misa but we'll have to do this some other time" said Sayu.

Misa winked back and said "I hope so" and grinned. She took her cloths and put them on and climbed out of the window so noone would see.

When she was alone she took Misas bag that she had left behind. She looked inside it and found a black notebook inside. She took the secret cellphone her dad Soichiro had given her and called it.

"Hi dad! I did what you asked and got Misa's bag! There's a book inside and it says death note on the front and its full of dead people!"

"Excellent" dad replied "Now the game can begin……"

OH MY GOD WHAT! FIND OUT MORE NEXT TIME!


	4. Chapter 4 I forgot what happens but cool

_AN: There seems to be something wrong with my account it keeps posting the first line twice sorry! Also contains Naomi/OC and Takada/OC (real hot!)_

_AN: There seems to be something wrong with my account it keeps posting the first line twice sorry! Also contains Naomi/OC and Takada/OC (real hot!)_

THE NEXT DAY

Naomi walked in the front door of the police and asked at the desk for L. The woman behind the desk was hot looking and also she was bi.

"Hi! I'm Naomi! I need to speak to L!!" she shouted urgently "Kira killed my husband and I think I no who he is!!"

"So that means your single" the desk lady winked?

Naomi was taken at back. This desk lady was coming onto her?

"Naomi spelled backwards is I Moon" added the desk lady flirtyly.

"I don't have time for this!" said Naomi anxiously as she took the desk ladies number to call her later and maybe have sex and ran into L's office.

L looked surprized.

"Hi I'm! Naomi. You don't know who I am but I'm from the Fbi and my husbands from the Fbi but he's also dead because he was killed by Kira and I want to hunt him down but I think I know who he is!!" Naomi gasped.

He replied "I think I can help you then. Please sit down" L replied pointing to the chair that was covered in candy.

"I can't sit on that!?" Noami said because the candy was all sticky and melted and eaten and it didn't look to good either. L then got all the candy off the chair and picked it up and began eating it. The site was truely one to behold as the small wrinkly fairy man began shoving bits of sugar into his mouth. Naomi fought she was going to puke but then she stopped herself and sat on the chair that L had just cleaned for her.

"So you wanted to tell me something??..."

MEAN WHILE AT LIGHTS HOUSE

It was the early morning and Light and Dark were in bed together but only because there parents were to poor to get separate rooms its not like their gay or anything! Light came all over the bed from the window of the room. Dark reached round and grabbed the cock from the table. It was seven oclock.

"_WHEN CAN I HAVE MY BREAKFAST IT IS ALREADY SEVEN AND IN THE SHINIGAMI WORLD I WOULD EAT LIKE A DOZEN MEALS BY NOW BECAUSE I AM KING. PLEASE GET ME A BLOOD BANANA."_ Said Blud as he danced around the rrom. Dark laughed at the dance it was like the Ketchup Song but it was about blood not ketchup though shinigami sometimes used blood as ketchup because it was blood. His mowhawk was bouncing everywhere. It was like the one on sonic the hedgehog but it was not blue.

Dark got out of bed and put on some cloths. He kept the blood bananas in a special case because other people might eat them thinking they were not blood bananas and get a mouth full of blood banana and blood. He threw the blood banana at Blud who imeddiatly went town on it until there was nothing except a skin which he could eat but didn't because there poisonous but not to a shinigami.

"_why can't i have a blood banana_" asked Ruyk sadly as he ate an apple and felt left out. He was not allowed to eat blood bananas because he was not the king and was not safe to the poisons inside them……………

BACK AT THE POLICE!!

"Kira is…… Mikami!"

"That bastardly hound!" said Lights dad who was pretending to be English.

"I know he is Kira because he went on Tv and he was evil!" she said.

"You did the right thing coming to us" said L. "Now we will kill him and put a stop to his evilness once and for all period"

Watari took his sniping gun and ran the door out. L followed eating a candy bar and a coffee and got in his helicopter and flew to Mikamis house where the action was.

Naomi went back to desk and flitted with the desk lady.

"Now were where we?" she said as she zipped her motorcycle jacket down and led the desk lady into a quiet closet that was almost empty except there was a mop in there and also some paint that the janitor used to paint things with. They made out for a bit.

"There's just one thing you should know" said Noami getting naked as she took her her jacket off and revealed a fancy suit that newsreaders wear underneath.

"I'm not really Naomi. I'm………………….. TAKADA!!"

AT MIKAMIS HOUSE IN A HELICOPTER

L turned on the sirens of the helicopter and shouted "come out with your hands up or I will shoot you!". There was no reply and Light's dad dressed as Watari shoot out a window just to show him he meant business and was not just some crazy guy in a helicopter.

"This is your last chance" he shouted and threw a smoke grenade into the house. Soichiro got a good shot at Mikami and killed him in the leg. There was still no reply.

"I will have to use stealth instead" said L and jumped in the broken window screaming.

Mikami looked up in shock he wasn't expecting them and certainly not the crazy boy that had jumped the window. He was holding the death note with one hand and his broken leg with the other and it had the names of everyone he had ever killed written on it. That's how L knew it was the death note.

"_MIKAMI IS IN TROUBLE" _shouted Blud as he smooshed another blood banana into his already smooshed up mouth. One of the things good about being king of the shinigami is you could see all the death notes and Blud was using it to see mikami.

"If he talks I'm dead!" said Light panicking. He knew he should have not told Mikami how to make a death note even if he was an evil. Now he would write Light's name down! unless………………………?

BACK IN MIKAMIS HOUSE

"I'm not the real Kira" shouted Mikami who was scared. He knew that there were laws against Kira and if he was caught then the jig would be up.

"Then whose the real Kira?" asked L.

"Tell us you f-cking scumbag!!" added Lights dad who was holding a knife to his neck like the joker did. He was mad with rage and his mustache was covered in spit and it was pretty rank really.

"I'll tell you! It's Light Yaga……." Then he died.

"What! He just died and he never told us the name! Now we'll never know who it was!" L raged and punched in a wall. He was strong for his looks and made a big whole.

MEANWHILE IN THE JANITORS CUPBAORD WHERE TAKADA AND THE DESK LADY WERE SEXING

"Oh this is so good" mooned the desk lady who was now naked. The stuff that was going on was pretty grafic and I don't want to make this fic M so all I'll say is that it was sexy and Takada was using mop but was naked (you'll have to figure out how for your self rofl!).

Suddenly Takada collapsed to the floor and the desk lady started screaming. She was death noted!

Blud stopped watching the naked couple and went back to Light

"_tAKADA IS DEAD!" HE SAID_

"Just as planned" evilled Light putting away his death note.

OMFG!! TO BE CONTINUED!!


	5. Chapter 5 We meet Yotsuba! and Matt!

FLASHBACK YESTERDAY

FLASHBACK YESTERDAY

Matt got on his motorbike and was racing across the country faster than a speeding bullet. His googles were flapping in the wind and his mission was clear. He would revenge the death of mello if it was the last thing he did!

He went even faster on his motorbike because it would be dark soon and he couldn't see anything except the light bits because of his headlights. It was a 3000 mile drive and the speed limit was like 30 and he knew that if he was going to get where the action was at he would have to be going fast and went faster.

Suddenly he stopped suddenly. He saw the taillights of a Porch up ahead and the driver was laughing like mad and something about the car just didn't seem right some how. He stepped on it and did a wheely because the road was abandoned and because he was going fast the wind running past his ears like a nascar on steroids only faster.

He got out his gun and shooted at the back window of the porch. It shattered and swerved all over the road and Matt had to yell "what are you doing you f-cking syko?" and jumped in the back window.

The driver was a tall skinny man with greasy hair called Yotsuba and he was laughing and driving and writing something in his book as he drived. Matt looked at the book even closer and he noticed something to his horror! IT WAS A DEATH NOTE!

FLASHBACK A BIT LATER THAT DAY

later as Yotsuba got to the end of the road Matt made his move and he jumped in drivers seat and grabbed the wheel. Yotsuba screamed like a little girl only manlier because he was big and covered his face with his arms. The car crashed into a wall and exploded in a ball of flame! One of the drivers died instantly and the other stole the death note and jumped back on his motorbike and drove off. It was…… you'll have to find out later! P

PRESENT DAY

"LIGHT WHAT THE F-CKING HELL WERE YOU F-CKING DOING KILLING NOAMI AND MIKAMI!?" screamed Dark as he punched Light in the gut pretty hard and Light screamed.

"I HAD TO DO IT OR THEY WOULD HAVE SAID OUR NAMES TO THE POLICE AND WE'D BE ARRESTED!" he replied.

"Oh ok" said Dark clamming down a bit and putting his shirt back on

"But we need to take more care in the future" Dark added as light rubbed lotion on his sore tummy.

Blud came in the doorway.

"_I HAVE BAD NEWS MATT SURVIVED THE CAR CRASH!" _he said madly as he chowed on down on a blood banoffee pie that misa had made earlier because she was a good cook from the tv at least in the movie.

"What car crash?" said Light. His gut was really hurting and also it was bruised bad too.

"Oh I didn't tell you my death note can also kill people in the past and I am going to write his name in it in the future to kill him in the past and stop him stealing the death note" said Dark pointing to his royal death note.

"Then why is blud telling me now not in the future?" light said as he scratched his head

"Its one of those time parradoks that they have in back to the future" Dark replied and picked up his death note.

He picked up the death note and wrote "matt dies yesterdays in a car crash" and the death note glowed a funny color which meant it was doing stuff in the past.

MEANWHILE IN THE PAST

Suddenly matt was back in the car and before he knew what the hell was happen he jumped and grabbed the steering wheel and the car crashed again but this time Yotsuba survived and he climbed out just before there was a big explosion that was like ten times the size of a normal explosion because the death note had done magic to it and threw bits of Matt all over the road. It was a sick site not least because the bits of matt were squishy in places and his goggles were on fire and so was his hair and there was blood allover the road which made Yotsuba lose his lunch and that made things even sicker.

Yotsuba picked up Matts psp and decided to take it with him to play with on the train. He laughed evilly again and took Matt's motorbike and drived to the railroad where he took a train to light's town

BACK IN THE FUTURE.

L looked at the death note sayu had stolen from misa. There was some rules in the front but he figured how it worked anyway because he was a genius and worked it out.

He picked up a pen from the desk and said "time to test this bad boy out"

He opened the book and wrote……… Light's mom!

NEXT CHAPTER COMING SOON AND IT WILL BE PRETTY INTENSE SO WATCH IT! ALSO REVIEW PLEASE!


	6. Chapter 6 maybe last chapter or not!

This is probably the last chapter though I may add some more after ~ it all depends whether people like it

_This is probably the last chapter though I may add some more after ~ it all depends whether people like it! VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

"WHAT THE F-CK ARE YOU DOING RYUZAKI" shouted Lights dad at L as he wrote his wifes name in the death note.

"Don't worry I have a plan but I hope this works…" he replied as he pulled a second death note out of his bag but this one was glittery and white and made of silk and said life note on the front…

IN LIGHTS AND DARKS HOUSE

Light's mom jumped through the door and said in a strange voice that was not hers "**I AM L. I KNOW THAT YOU ARE KIRA DARK YAGAMI AND I AM GOING TO REVEAL IT TO THE WORLD AND THEN ARREST YOU LATER"**

"Holly shit!" muttered Dark as Light's mom danced around the room under the control of the death note which was making her say all these things.

"**ALSO I AM NOT DEAD YOUR PLAN TO KILL ME FAILED BECAUSE I AM SMART ENOUGH TO MAKE SOICHIRO ON MY SIDE." **She continued (though it wasn't her saying all this crazy stuff it was L using the death note)

Lights mom pulled a knife out of her apron and held it against Dark and sayd **"I DON'T HAVE THE EVIDENCE YET BUT IF YOU COME WITH ME TO THE WAREHOUSE THEN I THINK WE CAN COME TO AN AGREEMENT"**

Then she fell over and dyed of a heart attack.

"L YOU F-CKING MANIAC YOU KILLED MY WIF!" Lights dad yelled as loud as loud as he could which was pretty damn loud cos he was a cop.

"Not so fast" replied the short messy detective man and wrote "Lights mom comes back to life" in the life note.

There was a blinding flash of light and a noise like a bunch of angles signing and Lights mom got up and came back to life.

"Your alive!" cheered Soichiro as he glomped Light's mom to the ground.

BUT WHATS GOING ON BACK AT DARKS HOUSE?!?!

"WTF!" shouted Light "we have to go to the warehouse again but this time we don't have mikami!" he shouted.

"Calm down Light" dark said "I have another plan and this will end the story once and for all."

They went to the warehouse and L was waiting for them there. Near was there as well and he was playing with some toy robot or something I don't know its not really important.

"I have come of my own three will but it appears that it was not needed for you have not proofed that I'm Kira!"

"That's were your wrong!" L replied

"You don't have any evidence that I'm kira" said Dark triumphantly

"But you came here. That proves that you are kira!!!!" L decryed

Dark was so shocked that he fell to the floor screaming! How could he have given himself away so easily!? But he still had his trump card waiting in his pants! He reached into his pocket and took the royal death note out of his pocket.

He didn't know Ls name but he didn't have to! He wrote L in the book and straight away the detective fell over and started dying!

"How are you doing this" asked L forcefully as rolled on the floor suffering heart attacks and pain.

"Because my shinigami is the king of the shinigami and has the power to kill anyone even if you don't know there name!"

At that moment Blud appeared in front of Dark and said "_THAT'S WHERE YOUR WRONG MY SHINY HAIRED APPRENTICE. YOU SEE I ONLY PRETENDED TO BE YOUR SHINIGAMI BUT IN FACT I WAS L'S ALL ALONG. I GAVE HIM A LIFE NOTE AND ALL I HAVE TO DO IS WRITE L'S NAME IN IT AND HE WILL COME BACK TO LIFE AS GOOD AS NEW AND YOUR PLANS WILL HAVE BIN FOILLED!"_

L wrote L Lawleit in the life note and jumped back to his feet. He looked mad and said "OK THAT PROVED THAT YOU WERE BECAUSE YOU KILLED ME!"

L put the handcuffs on Dark

"Now I have put an end to your rain of terror kira. I hope our paths never cross again!"

Blud then whispered in Darks ear "_I don't actually work for L he only thinks I do when really I work for you_"

Dark repled "I know… everything went exactly as planned!"

IN PRISON

Prison life was good to Dark because he was kira and everyone in prison was his b-tch. He could eat lots of prison food and because he had given L a fake royal death note and not the real one he could hipnotise prisoners into doing illegal stuff for him and then dying without the guards catching on.

Then one day he wrote the names of everyone in the prison and all the guards and stuff too and made them dig a tunnel out. When L found out he was mad!

"How did he escape the prison!" L asked ponderously as he chewed a big old mouth of gummy candy and gum. Then he looked at the royal death note and noticed it was a fake and got even madder!!

"I'LL GET YOU DARK YAGAMI IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!!" he cried

MEANWHILE AT THE YAGAMI HOUSE

"Welcome back Dark" said Lights mom who didn't remember all the dying and mean stuff she said earlier. Also he had Blud wipe Soichiros head so he would forget to.

"Me and misa are going steady" said Sayu to dark "Want a threesome" she winked?

"Better make it a foursome!" joked Light Yagami and everyone laughed.

THE END…

Miles away Yotsuba was just getting off his train holding the death note he had stolen from Matt.

"Now the party can really begin!"

OR IS IT?!?!


	7. Chapter 7 not last chapter now!

_THANKS FOR LOVIN MY STORY! AND THE CRIT! I WILL STOOP PUTTING NOTES IN BRACKETS! (EXCPET THIS ONE LOL!)_

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

The nuclear bom went off like a bom and blew up the street and some houses and a car too .

"WHAT THE F-CK WAS THAT" belowed Dark putting his cloths on.

"I was probably just a dog or a bom or something. Cum back to bed" said Misa Sayu,, Light, light's mom and that girl from the bus who were having a sevensome in the basement bed to hide frim Soichiro.

But Dark jumped out the window and fell like 20 feet and landed on a barbeque which was on but he was hard so he didn't catch fire and he ate a burger as he looked at the big hole that the bom had made in the road.

"F-------------------------------------------------CK!" he screamed spitting bits of burger all over Light's dad who had cum to see what had happened to.

"MY CAR!" lights dad scream looking at the scratch in the paint that the nuclear bom had made.

Dark put on a spacesuit and stepped out into thw hole. It was the biggest hole hae had ever seen because it was as big as a bus and nearly as deep. The middle was all radiactiv so he had to make sure he dint stand in the radiactiv that had coverd stuff in green.

In the middle was a tall slimy man covered in green with a magic death note.

"HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I AM YOTSUBAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" the man said being all creepy because he had dead in the bom and was a ghost. "USE YOUR LIFE NOTE TO SAVE MEEEEEEE BEFORE IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII DIEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

So derk saved him and life noted him back to life.

"BIG MISTAKE!" he screamed throwing him at him.

"DARK! NO" shouted light's mom. She gotted from Dark wat she never got from Soichiro nad his creepy mustache and sexed loads of times a day now. If he died then shed have to go back to sexing other people. "DON'T DIE! I GET FROM YOU WHAT I NEVER GOT FROM SOICHIRO AND HIS CREEPY MUSTACHE!!!"

Then yotsuba got a gun and fired fast at dark but he was too fast and missed and shot a light instead and everything wnet dark.

"I failed my master!" yotsuba said to L.

"Don't worry! I will send you again if I don't kill you cos im so dam mad!" said a mysterious detective. "but first, I will send my apprentice and he has grey hair."

"Wherer is he?"

"He is… NEAR!"

"When will he cum?"

"The time is…….. NEAR!"

"Will he beat Drak ones and for all?"

"Darks end is………….. NEAR!"

"What is his name...?"

"His name is……" then the phone rang and it was the magic phone aht talked to the president.

"YES MISTER PRESIDENT. NEAR IS DEAD. I WILL SEND MY NEW APPRENTICE INSTEAD THEN. SEND HIM IN AIRFORCE WON NOW!"

L turned back into Yotsuba.

"HIS NAME IS……………………………… HAL LINDER!"

Then a plane landed . It was the air force. Hal walkedi n and toked out his gun.

"I WILL SHOOT DARK AND HE WIL DIE OR MY NAME ISN'T HAL Q LINDER!"

Using a teleport note L had found in Russia he teleported back to Lights house in amercia.

He gotted the gun and shot Dark and he died.

"No! That wasn't me!" shouted Dark running. "That was my brother……………………………………………………………….. Light Yagami!"

There was a minute quiet for Light. Then he got life noted back.

"Few! I thought I was a boner there!"

"We all fought that." Said Misa and stopped hugging him because he wasn't one.

"I HAVE ALSO FAILED said Hal.

"Then I will send my last agent said L.

Meanwhile Light and Dark and Misa and Sayu and Lights mom and that girl from the bus had gone back the basement and were naked and sexing and stuff. Sudanly, Soichiro jumped in.

"NO! My wife! And my daughter! And my son! And my other son who is an evil guy! And his girlfriend! And a girl from the bus! All sexing together!"

"try to understand!!!!!!!!!!!!!" said lights mom getting up. Then she knew she was naked and put on a vest.

"OK! But only because I looooooove you!" Soichiro said and hugged them all except the girl from the bus who flet a bit left out.

Suddenly she took like five guns out from under her pillow and pointed them to everyone.

"Let's stay calm and not do anything rash!" shreked Light dancing around like a little girl. She pulled the gun and a bullet came out. Everything went all matrixy and light's mom could only watch in horror as the bullets came and hit dark and they died.

"Tell… my… mom…. I…. love………………………. Her!" said dark before he died.

"Dark is dead and the world is safe!" said the girl fro mthe bus teleporting back to L. She was a hero and got on tv and stuff and there was a parade for her. Everyone was happy except for a few sad people and they were all called Yagami except Misa who was not called Yagami but she was called Anime and that's quite close.

BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

**IN THE SHINIGAMI WORLD!**

"Now I have bcome the new king of the shinigami!" roared Dark as he shot Blud and took his royal death note and blood bananas.

"_BEFORE I DIE DO ONE THING FOR ME! GIVE…… ME… A…… BLOOD … B…A…N…A…N…N…A…N…A"_

So BLud ate a blood banana and died happy.

"Now time to maek a few changes around here!" said Dark turning into a shinigami. He was as a big as a bus and was wearing leather pants which dint hide his super big man thingy which was the size of a bus and twice as wide. His hair was every color of the rainbow but only in dark black like oil or something. His seventy-nine eyes all burned a diffrent shed of red except one which was gold because it contained the tiny good part of his sole.

His deathnote changed too. It turned rainbow black like his oily hair and got new words on it. And they said…………….… EVERYTHING NOTE!

"_**NOW I CAN DO EVERYTHING!" he mumbled**_

THIS MUST BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	8. Chapter 8 SOME SLASHING IN THIS CHAP!

_THANKS FOR READING! THIS CAHPTER HAS SOME SLASHING IN IT AND ALSO SOMEON DRINKS SOME WINE DO DON'T READ IF YOU H8 ALCHOL! ALSO THANKS TO EVERY1 FOR LOVING MY STORY AND ALSO FOR THE REVIEWS EXCEPT FOR THE HATTERS WHO FOUGHT THERE WERE TROLLS IN THIS FIC! THERE ARE NO TROLLS THO I MAY DO A GOLBIN ONE DAY. MORE REVIEWS PLEASE._

_ALSO REVIEW!_

The world of the shinigami was very cold except for the hot bits and also some bits that were alright and that was where Dark was because he was the new king of the shinigami.

"_BOW BEFORE YOUR NEW KING PUNNY MORTALS! _Dark said in a very kingish way

All the other sinigami bowed there heads off because they loved him so much in a nonsexy way except the women.

"_we love you DARK." _They cried.

"_I AM NOT DARK ANYMORE! FROM NO ON MY NAME WILL BE……….. DU'ARQ!"_

Everyone did the new name dance and then there was a feast with twelve turkeys and a pig and a soup made from blood bananas and this was served with blood wine and not alcholic blood wine for the kiddies and also there was mineral water to. They were in the big cafeterria of the palace and the walls were made gold but it was red gold made of bones and brains and other organs.

Du'ark gotted up and made some toast.

"_I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THE BUS GIRL WHO SHOOT ME BECAUSE THANS TO HER I AM NO WKING OF THE SHINIGAMI AND NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED WITHOUT OF HER BECAUSE I WOULD NOT BE DEAD OR AT LEAST AS DEAD AS I AM WHICH IS NOT VERY BECAUSE I AM A SHINIGAMI"_

"_hiphiphooray!" _they cheered and then a DJ came on and they all danced the night away to some beats.

The next morning D'uarq climed out of his royal bed with the four hundred women he had sexed with naked last night. He locked out of his window at New York and said "_I WILL GO HOME!" _ and he jumed out the window and landed in his neyborhood.

Loads of people screamed and some more went poop in there pants. There was a million feet monster now in the city and his name was………….. DA'ARQ!

"_PEOPLE! I MEN YOU NO ARM!" _he echoed and blew up a tower so people wood listen and not rjust run and scream a lot which they were. The stopped and turned and lookd at him and everyone wa amased by how hansom he was specally the women.

"_I HAV CUM TO GE TREVENGE ON THE ONE WHO KILL ME! AND HIS NAME IS………………. Ll!!!!!!!!!!!!!"_

BACK AT HE HOTEL!

Watari who was not dead because he had CPR was watching lost when suddenly they was a newsflash. A monser was attacking new york! And that minster was…….. DU'RAQ!

HE ran over the building and jumoed over the couch and a fire and found himself in Ls room.

"MASTER!" he roared bristihly! "THAT FOOLISH WANKER DA'URQ IS IN NEW YORK AND HES KILLING SOME POOR SODS!"

Then he gasped all scandalsed and stuff. L was in bed sexing! And the person he was sexing was……………….. Light!

Atari watched for a few minites and then said "WELL WHAT DO HAVE WE HERE!" "MARSTER L IS WANKING WITH MY GOOD FELLOW LIGHT! OH DEAR GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

They were all embarrassed and finished up fastly and got dressed.

"That was good and also quiet sexy," side Light as tey got in the helicopter and flew fast to the city where Duarq was fighting.

"Thank you I tried hard and you were also sexing well too" mumbled L as they went over the Hudson and could see were D'aurq was and he was tall. There was fire and smoke and then they saw that he was pantless because he was busy sexing again.

"OH NO MY BLOODY EYES!" Watari bellowed. "THANK THE QUEEN NONE OF THE WEE NIPPERS CAN SEE THIS CHAP MAKING AN ARSE OF HIM BY HIS FORNIKATIONS!"

Darq reached in his pokeits and pulled out a big black shiny book that shined in the big sun like oil or gas or that paint you get on cars sometimes.

"HE HAS A DARN EVERYTHING NOTE! THAT TIT IS TAKING THE PISS NOW!"

He got out a pen and it was a shinigami pen. The big bit was made of the leg bone of an elephant and the end was made of gold. The ink was blood but it was mixed with oil to make it black and siny. There were skulls and stuff on it and also eyeballs wich could read every thing you made and say it was spelled write.

He wrote fast "The helicopter bows up!"

"WE MUST GET THE WANK OUT OF THIS SODDING CONTRACEPTION!" and watari held a parachute and jumped out. L andl Ight joined him just before a helicopter exploded.

"WHAT THE F-CKING PISS DO WE DO?" roared Watari

"I have a plane………." Mumbled L with thoughts….


	9. Chapter 9 SAYU GETS A PLANE!

_I GOT FIFETENHUNDERD VIEWS ON THIS FIC! THANX FOR THE READINGS! YOU GUYS ARE ROCK!!!! ALSO I JUTS READ TWILIGHT. ITS ALL GIRLY BUT EMET IS BADASS!_

CHOAS! was happening in new York city where every one was running about like mad because of the big the monster that was going crazy and taking out some buildings and some dudes too. That monser was Dark Yagami who was calld Da'urq but is not _(AN: IT WAS TOO HARD TO SpELL LOL_!). Explosions were happen and one of them was a plane.

Fallling from the plane fast like a brick was L and Light and Atari who had parachutes.

"How did I get in this mess lover?" asked L and they shot passed a skycraper because they were gay and did slash.

"Well Light replied it all started when I met my brother Dark Yamiga. Littel did I know he was non other than kira and killed mello and stole his clothes and came to America with a royal death note and killed some dudes and my sister was a lesbean and then beat you and become a shinigami." (AN: _In case you forgot witch you shudnt because it was awesome but a long time ago so you may forgot!)_

"ENOUGH OF YOUR RUDDY FLASHBACKERY YOU SODDING ARSES!" said the britih man getting pissed. Off

They laned in the street and ran to ls other plane which was a harriar jump jet and was painted with all pink and lame and not badass like darks jump jet which was black and had skull and crossbones and a turbo and a spoiler 2. They rocketed into the sky like a rocket and landed on Darks giant dude thingy which was big enough to land a plane on so they did.

"Brother!" roared L

"STOP!" screamed light like a girl.

"LISSEN YOU F-CKING WANKER!"

Dark lissened to Watari because he was a bad arse and wielding too sniper rifles one in each hand.

"TELL US WHAT THE WANK YOU ARE BLOODY DOING?????"

Dark said in his shinigamiest voice "_**I AM THE NEW KING OF THE SHINIGAMI AND HAS THE EVEYTHING NOTE!"**_

Watrai gasped. "NOT THE SODDY EVERYTHING NOTE?!"

"Whats that do gramps?" asked L who was also Wataris grandkid but he only told him this not on screen.

"LEGEND TELLS OF A BOOK OWNED BY THE SHINIGAMI WHICH CAN DO WHATEVER THE BUGGERY ITS OWNER WANTS. DARK IS USING IT IN WAYS THTA WE WILL SOON LEAN!"

They flew up to his shoulder and looked at the book he was holding and writing stuff in. HE didnt have a pen big enough so he was using a nuclear missal filled with blood as ink and the writing was all red and green with blood and nuclears.

And he had written "I TAKE OVER THE WURLD IN 5 MINUTES" and his watch only had 7 seconds to go!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed L as he glomped light and they sexed for 7 seconds.

Then there was a big bang!

When the smoke cleared!

DARK WAS KING OF THE WORLD!!!!!

HE started crying with happy but then stopped and man cried instead which was more manly.

"_**I AM SOOOOOO AWESOME!"**_

Everyone agreed and huged him except for one person who was flying towards him in a black jump jet with spoilers and a turbo and it was his jump jet and it had been stolen by someone we will learn in about a pantograph or so!

Dark was wearing a crown and a robe and a big cod peace that hid his dainty parts.

"WE FAILLED YOU GODWANKED SODS!" watari britished dropping all his snipper guns and crying on the floor.

"_**DONT WORRY! I WILL PAY YOU WELL BECAUSE YOU WERE MY BROTHER AND YOU WERE MY BEST FREND AND YOU WERE HIS GRAMPA!"**_

And Light become the president and L became the emper of Japan because he japanish and Watari was the queen of England and also Scotland.

Then a harriet jump jet screamed into view and shot a bunch of nucle ar missals! Dark tried to write "DESTORY THE NUCLEARS!" but he accidental blew up his pen insted becase it was nucelar.

They hit him and stuff wnet back to normal! There was woosh and a bang and some little bangs and a whole bunch of magics going off at once.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" roared Watara when he stooped being the queen.

"Thats for everyone!" sed a girl in the cab of the jet. And everyone cheered except for peeps who fought Dark was sexy which was quiet a lot of people but most peeps fought the girl in the cab was even sexyer and it was...................... SAYU!

"The army hiered me to fight you and kill you!" Sayu muttered over the speaker. "So i stoled your jet and shot you!" AND NOW I AM QUEEN OF THE SHINNIGAMI!"

Then she got giant and Dark went normal sized. She was as big as a tower and had a big chest which was so big it covered the sun.

Dark stumbled and sed "I thought you loved me!"

"NO I AM LESBEAN REMEMBER! I LOVE MISA AND ONLY YOU AS A BOTHER BUT NOT A LESBEAN!"

_STAY TURNED FOR THE NEW CHAPTER WHICH WILL BE FIGHT OF THE KING AND QUEEN OF THE SHINIGAMI! IT WILL MORE AWESOME YET! AND MORE SEXINGS WIHCH THIS CHAPTER FORGOT!_


	10. Chapter 10 Dark goes to france!

_NO SHINIGAMI FIGHT THAT IDEA WAS DUM. THIS IS COOL THO! CAR CHASES WOOOO!_

**MEANWHIL IN FRANCE:**

It was a sunny day. Some birds were high in the trees and making happy noises. Then a explosion.

"Whatez was thát?" they all assed in French?

It was........... a mystery!

**BACK IN THE NEW YORK!**

Sayu was mega sized and leaning over Dark. She poked him up and held him and he wiggled like a bugly man.

"I WILL BRING U TO JUSTICE!" she coffed and dropped him on L who got some hands cuff and cuffed him. Thy put Dark in a straight jacket and a blindfold and one of those wheelamajigs from silens of the lams.

But before he could go to the police car to go to the new house of his which was the prison Dark pulled a trick out of his sleeves!

He took the everything note and writ "GO BACK IN TIM!"

**FOUR DAYS AGO IN FRANS!**

Dark landed int he past and looked at some French dudes and also some French chicks. He was in francs.

"Watchez where tu are going!" a man screamed at him driving a cab. He was in the street!

"F-CK TU!" exploded Dark and looked at the clock. It was nearly 3 o clock.

He knew Near was in the town today and he dead mystery only it would not be a mystery any more because Dark was gonna do it!

He went to a gun shop and bought a snipper rifle and a bunch of bullets. He only nedded one because he was a good shot but you cant buy one bullet so he had to buy a hole box. The rest he would put on ebay or something when he was don.

Then he climed the Eyfal tower to the top secret floor where noone new about and got his snipe out and looked for Near. He saw him near (Get it!) a hotel but he had body guards and was safe for now.

"Damn something has changed. He knoes i kill him so hes looking out for me."

He stayed up the tower all night except when he went down for supper and got some cwasonns (Its a tip of French cake mad of bread!).

The necks day near came out of the hotle.

"THIS IS MY CHANCE" explained Dark at the top of his lunges and pulled the trigger. But Near pulled out a nerf (hes not allowe d a real gun cos hes a kid but his nerf fires real bullets) and shot the bullets out and also the scope of the sniper.

"F-CK! HE SEEN ME!" bellowed Dark and jumped out the tower and laned in the river tames. He got out and saw Near!

He stoled a cab form a dude who said "GETTEZ BAQ HERE TU MER F-KEZ!" and speeded down the lane and hit some barrels that blew up and made fire and wind and blew a laddies skirt and he could see her pants and they were French.

"You can't catch me!" rofled Near as he got in a NASCAR and vroomed away. There was action and guns shot and a bullet nearly hit Dark but he did a nitro and dodged it and it hit a French bread instead so everyone was okay.

A guy started throwing knives at the car but the cab was knife proof. Dark grabbed one and throwed it back and it hit the guy and he blooded and died and there was so much blood Darks car went red.

Near did an hand break turn around the mona lisa church and smashed a window and drived through beeping to scare peeps away.

"TU WILL PAYEZ FOR THIS!" the preist swore as he locked at the smashed window and the other car witch was red jumpijng through it fastly. They wet real fast down the isle flashing there lights and shooting at eachother. Dark pressed a magic button and a machine gun came out and loads of bullets smashed Nears NASCAR. Lucky (or unlucky for dark!) it was a bulletpoof NASCAR.

They were almost out the church and ran through the doors and found themselves burning rubbers on the strrets outside. They were all stony and old and dark was getting stoned.

"I WILL TURBO!" he hollered and turboeed like hed never turboed before. He rammed Near BANG! Again BANG!"

"Stop that ! I just finished paying for this F-CKER!" Near squeeked like a mouse driving a NASACR.

There were some lights ahead and they were red because it was the red light distict. (AN: that mens a place with sexy laddies!) Then there was a nother light which was red but it was a traffic light (AN: I do not think the france have these but it makes my chase cool so whatevs!)

WHOOOOOOOOSH!

They wooshed through. A car skiided to stop and hit anoter and that hit another. They all hit a tanker and it was carring nuclears so when it went up it made a massive fireball that chased Near and Dark down the streets burning everything in its path.

"NOOOOO! I MUST FASTER!" Near and Dark chanted and span round a corner.

It was magic fire so it could go round corners.

They both had to use all their turbos which made them so they flew over the Tames and laned on the highway. AND THEY WERE GOING THE WRONG WAY!

They doged round cars who beeped at them and they kept going like 300 killmeters an hour (an: killmeter is france for miles). Dark saw a sexy chick and he waved to her and she stopped and loked at the sexy dude and crashed so Dark rescued her fast.

"GRACIAS!" she thanked. "I fortez je was mort" (An: France for dead) "Jem apple Naomi"

"Naomi? Did you die in the cupboard sexing in chapter 4?"

"No that was Takada dressed as me." (AN: In case u forget!!)

"but how will we catch him?" Dark sed. "he is near (get it?!) the channel tunnel and then he can go to London."

"I am from Lodon!" she replied and showed him her knickers (AN: English for panties) wtich had the british flag on them.

"I believe you. LET PUT THIS PLANE INTO ACTION" he yelled as they floored into the tunnel to Eggland.

_I KNOW NOAMI WAS NOT ENLGISH BUT IT MAKESS THE STORY COOLER THIS WAY! THANKS FOR READING! PLEASE REIVEW PLEASE PLEASE!_


	11. Chapter 11 Dark and noami in England!

_THIS CHAPTER IS MORE GRAFFIC BUT STILL T RATED!_

They rocketed through the tunnel and beeped the horn a few times. They came out into London and in England people go on the wrong side of the road. But they idnt care and went real fast down the highway to big ben. They smashed through a red bus and the driver acclaimed "You bloody wankers!" but they couldn't here because they were going to fast.

They parked up at the rits hotel and walked inside. It was all posh and stuff and a man was polishing some gold nobs. He looked at Dark and Naomi and waved his hat around while saying "Good day to you chappy fellows!"

"Good day" chipped up Dark pretending to talk British. "I wood like to purchase one of your rooms that me and me bird here can sleep in at nighttimes"

"Of coarse sir" and he took Darks money and carried them up to the room.

The room was like the size of a airplane garage and the walls were mad of gold and rubberys. In the middle of the crapet which was all tartan was a bed that was the big as a truck. It was made with gold blankets and goose feathers inside it and the mints on the pillow were dead posh and it had Magic Fingers too. Dark eated both the mints because he was like L and ate candies.

"What should we do in this room all alone all night?" winked Takada nakeding.

"You read me like a book." Said Dark. He took off the leather vesty thing and pants that he had stealed from Mello., Under it was some boxers that had lots of posh letter ds on. He walked to the wardrobe and taked himself the posh dressing gown and the flat farmer hat and the walking stick and also he grew a mustach.

"Now i look more british" he gurgled.

"Im very turned on by british." Naomi maoned.

Dark had read a book about sexing and also done it a few times so he knew the drill. Noami was still a verging though and thats why see dumped Ray for Dark. She was surpised at Darks man thingy because it was big than Rays by about seventeen times. Ray wood often take his pants of and show her but not use it cos dark was bigger and scarred him.

Dark did the sexy thing and they both liked it especially dark. Then he did a thing he read in a book but it didnt taste good so he stopped but noami licked it so they kept going.

They sexed all night so much they didnt have to sleep. Dark had a shower and Naomi needed two just in case. Dark put on a posh suit and a top hat and Naomi found a spaghetti top so they both looked like fancy people and not assasses thrying to kill Near. Nearby (GET IT!) was Near.

"Excuse me you fine gentleman and your deliteful misses." Said near who was dressed like a chiny sweep.

"Why yes dear boy" answered dark coshing him over the head with a cosh.

**AT DARKS WHEREHOUSE IN THE HARBUR**

"Where am i?" grunted near sitting Near (GET IT?!) to a bomb.

"you are in my whorehouse in the harbor." Bellowed dark and fired the bomb but failed.

"NOO!"

"Oh well you are tyed up so you wont escape now if you excuse i need to sex Naomi again."

Near was sad because he wanted to sex nomi but was too young and also noone licked him.

Dark walked into the bedroom at the back of the wharehouse were the bed and the hot tub was. Naomi was waiting and she was even nakeder than earlier expect for her dressing gown.

Dark whispered "I forgetted what a naked laddy looks like"

She gotted rid of it and Dark called "Thanks I had forgotten " and took a photo to rememer by.

After sexing for a few minutes darek went outside still naked and saw Near.

"don't worry we all forgot sometimes" near complained.

Dark coshed him again cos he was a jerk.

**AT DARKS OTHER WHAREHOUSE UNDER THE QUEENS CASTLE**

Dark keeped coshing Near cos it was fun and he squeeked everytime like a toy. Takada was watching and she was dead sexed up by it.

"I built this dungeons (cosh) when watarmi (cosh) was queen (cohs) to keep my prisoners in(cosh). It is over six million years old (c0sh) and guy forks (cosh) was shooted in this very room (cos). DO (cosh) YOU (cosh) WANT (cosh) TO (cosh) BE (cosh) NECKS?"

Near wet him slef then went unconscious. When he came back he was also wet and sticky from wetting himself.

Darks fone went. It was L

"DARK YOU SCOUNDRAL!" "YOU STEALED NEAR AND NOW THE PRESIDENT WANTS ME TO FIND HIM!"

I will sell to you

"Name your cost."

"I would licke you to let me go safe and never try to kill me and stuff agen."

"I can do that not for you."

"Then this is goodbye" said dark and took noami and near to a near (get it!) station and got the tube to Whales.

"THIS IS WHEN THE STORY WILL REALLY BEGIN" he howled as the tube got to the Wales station.

"Why are we hear?" asked Noami.

"BECAUSE... I NEED TO FIND MY SISTER."

"Your sister is sayu and she is at home with misa lesbeaning." rumored Near.

"No, my other sister...... NIGHT YAGAMI!"

They both gasped.

"THIS IS WHEN THE STORY WILL REALLY BEGIN" he howled again because it was actually the end of the chapter this time not a flase alarm.


	12. Chapter 12 Lights sis Night Yagami comes

The train stopped in Whales. They jumped out on the station and Dark did a roll to be cool. A cop saw them and shot a shotgun gun but the bullets curved like the matrix or something and broke a window and the train and a fire ran after them at like the speed of light so Dark had to grab Near and Noami and jumped fast offa cliff into loch nes.

They saw the monster and dark punched it out and swimmed to the orfanage.

**IN A SCIENCE PLACE DEEP IN THE BOWLS OF THE WAMMY HOUSE!**

There was a test tube and one of those fire thingys from cemistry lessens in school shotting sparks everywhere. In the test tube was a laddie and she was naked and a whole bunch of pipes and wires and stuff were stuck to her skin. Then she got out and gettted dress. She put on a silver top that said nike on it and genes as well that were ripped. She died her hare and it was pink with green bits and some red and also some b lack where the die missed. Then she mohawked her hair and put on a piercing shaped like a nuclear.

**ON THE ROOF!**

Dark got a drill from his pocket and drilled himself a hole in the roof and jumped in. Inside was like 1000000 stormtroopers that weren't but wore the suits for safeness.

"Oh great not again!" Dark said scarasticly. He drew he gun and checked the clip. It had 100000 bullts in it so there would be just enough if he didnt miss and cos hes a dead good shot he didnt and they all got blasted away and the room was safe agan but bloody. Except he missed one so he had to punch a guy in the face and he punched so hard it went through and killed like a hundred more.

It was all to violet for Near who was near (GET IT) at a window watching the fight and being sick everywhere becos the only blood he saw was Bluds blood bananas which were melty and sometimes made blood everywhere.

"WHERES THE F-CKING LAB?" Noami pouted.

"Look for a sign that says Labradory" said Dark cos he was a smarty and new what lab was.

They found it and went in. But it was a lavatory and the real place was necksdoor.

**IN THE F-CKING LAB!**

"WHO ARE YOU?" said the naked girl wearing cloths but noone could hear her cos she was speaking Whalesish.

"I speke Whales too!" Near said and tramslated.

"I am Dark Yagami. You look sexyed. I am Dark Yagami."

"NO WAY!" she explained. "IM YOUR F-CKING SISTER! NIGHT YAAGMI!"

They all gasped even tho they new cos i told them last time remember?

"Its a good thing i dnt sex you!" they roflmaoed.

They sat down and drank some tea cos they were in british still.

"I was cloned from your DNA!" Night explained picking up teh creamer.

"From my DAN? Where did they get it!"

"You lived here. It was easy for Roger to get it from you at night." Roger was a creepy dude.

"So wat powers do you have?" ponded Dark.

"Well my skin is made of death note so i can kill people by getting tattoos. Aslo I will one day sign the song that ends the world."

"COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL" said Near playing with some toy legos.

"Also I have shinigami eyes and ears so i can hear peeps thoughts." She locked at near. "You just thinked about making a laddie out of lego and sexing it."

Near was embraced.

"Do you have a shinigami nose too?"

"No that is silly."

"Well" said Dark putting his tea. "That was fun. Lets go sex Naomi."

"NO!" suddenly said.

"Y?"

"Cos.... I love NIGHT now!"

"WTF?" Dark exploding jumping over the walls and smashing some science.

"No. Dark is a nicer dude than me and also Im already in love." Night mumbled.

"Who.......?" said Dark who already new the anser but wasn't sure.

"Mello."

"BUT I KILLED MELLOW?"

"HA I KNEW IT" rroared a mystery stranger with blond hair and awhole bunch of leather jumping out of a test tube.

"No... your dead!"

"Thats what you think...."

It was Mello! And he had a life note! And L was there! And Night was getting a tattoo! And it said.... "Near"!

WHAT A TWITS! EXPLODING ACTIONS NEXT TIME!


	13. Chapter 13 UNLUCKY NUMBER :O

_I have have over 2000 views now! Thanks to all the redders out there! Please review more tho please!_

"Mello!" Dark screeched. "How you did live after I shooted you in the neck and the face and the heart too?"

"I made a deal with a dude who saved me with his Life Not!"

"Who?!?!!?!?!!"

"_IT WAS I MY TRAITERY FRIEND! BLUD THE TRUE KING OF THE SHINIGAMI UNLIKE YOU WHO IS A FAKE!"_

"Dark turned round. Standing over him snarling and dropping bits of blood and slobber was a fierce dude with twenty feet tall. His blood mowhawk was blooder than ever and there were dead peeps stuck to the spikes screaming in pain. His tooths had been sharpened so they were all sharp and bumpy like a saw and strong enough to chomp bone or concrete or even diamond but he didnt eat them cos they were pricy. He was wearing a coat of armer made of lava with guns and swords and cannons stuck to it. He was driving a motorbike and it was powered by nuclears which made it faster.

He got out a samari sword and waved it about dangerously.

"_I WILL FIGHT YOUR FOR MY HONOR OR MY NAME IST BLUD SHINIGAMI!"_

He swung his sword real fast at Dark and dodged it faster so they were fighting to fast to see. Occasionally a bomb or a spark went off and made it more exciting and one time Dark did a kamy hamy ha. They stopped for a bit flying in the air as bits of rock and science floated around then.

"_YOU WERE A WORTHY APPRENTICE MY YOUNG GRASSHOOPER" he said wiping blood of his mouth. "BUT NOW YOU WILL DIET!"_

He put the sword away and got out a big mace. He sprayed the mace but missed. Then he got out seventeen crossbows stuck together with blood and duck tape. He fired and arrows went everywear. And one of hem hit............................................ Mello.

"YOU TRAITER!" he roared.

"_YOU FUEL! I WAS ON DARKS SIDE ALL ALONG! THAT WHY I DIDNT EAT HIS HEAD AND DRINK THE YUMMY BLOOD INSIDE!"_

Mello gut a bazuka out of pants and pointed it at Dark who punched it out of the air so it went in the sky and hit a bird harmless. Then Mello threw a punch of grenades but forgot the pins so nothing happened except one hit Near and he got a bruse and cryed for an hour.

"WHY DID YOU KILL ME YOU CN------T?" He said with a naughty word which I cant say cos its T not M.

"Cos Im evil."

And then it all made sense.

Dark got out a knife from his arm like the assassens creed dude and stabbed Near near (ITS A JOKE!) the heart.

"AKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK" Near wheezed bleeding alover his silk PJs. "Why... di.....d .... y...o.u......kill.....me and not like kill L.......first?"

"Becuase I need you for a sacrifis. And that sacrifis will kill L for ones and all.!"

"You assho......." and then he dead.

Naomi who was there but not talking cos I forgetted her said "That was so hot lets sex."

Night finished her tatto but then it was to late so she just had a tattoo that said near for no reason.

"Wait for me" she sayed getting off her shirt.

So they found a bed in the Whammy house and it was Rogers but he didnt know because he busy being a creepy dude in town with a dog (SEE MY OTHER STORY FOR TEH DEETS!).

Dark and Night took it turns cos they were bros and it would be creepy otherways. They sexed all thru the dark night (GET IT?)

"Thanks for preteding to fight me Blud?" Dark said vociferusly the next day while eating sum Luckyc Harms for brekfast.

"_NO PROBS BRO"_

"If there is anything i can do?"

"_COULD YOU SET ME UP WITH YOUR MOM?"_

Dark punched BLud cos he was the only guy aloud to make your mom jokes about Light's mom.

"_OK THEN COULD YOU BUY ME ALL THE BLOOD BANANAS IN THE WORD?"_

So Dark got on a plane to a rare island in Russia which which was the only place where they grew and buyed them all and gave them and gave them to BLud who went to town on them but not litrallly cos that wouldn't make sense.

"Now Sis and Naomi. Lets do a sacrifis!"

"Why?"

"Cos I want to make an Anti Life Note which can kill dudes and stop them getting life noted back which is a pain in the ass. And do that I need the blood of a verging."

He got near out of his prison.

"Where are you taking me?" he wet his pants saying.

"TO THE SARCFIS ROOM"

The sacrifis room was very pretty and had nice wallpaper but now it was all ruined with blood and pain and dead peoples hands on the walls. Night drawwed a pentagon on her self with a tattoo pen and it became a portal to the shinigami land. Dark drank some of Nears blood and spat it out cos it was gross and it hit a book and magiced it into a.......... ANTI LIFE NOTE!

"Let's get this bad boy tryed out!" Dark roared. He gived it to Night who writed on it....... "Near!"

Near died.

Then they got a life note and nothing happened. HE WAS DEAD FOREVER? O_o; SHOCKING!

"Now I can kill L ones and for all!"

He wrote L in the Anti Live Note but nothing happened because it was not the royal death note and he didnt no the real name.

"F-CK" he sighed. "I Will have to go on a QUEST to find his real name!"

_QUESTING ACTION GARANTED! NEXT TIME __**ON LIGHT AND DARK THE ADVENTURNES OF DARK YAGAMI AND NIGHT YAGAMI TOO**__!_

_TELL YOUR FREDS TOO COS THEY WILL LUV IT AND IT SEEMS TO BE POPLAR NOW!_


	14. Chapter 14 L Dies! but thats a twist!

_JUST A SHOT CHAPER THIS TIME BUT BIG STUFF HAPPENS!_

There was a phone call and Ls phone rang.

"Hello my name is Brian Superman is this L?"

"WHY YES IT IS!" screamed L into the phone.

"You may have already won a trip to florida for three!"

"OMG THAT IS SOOOOO SWEET!" L bellowed "I WILL TAKE WATARI WHO IS LIKE MY DAD ONLY HES NOT ALSO LIGHT WHO AM F-CKING!"

"All we ned to know is your real name!" said the Brain.

"Well if you say so! My real name is Lind L Taylor... hey wait a minute! This is atrick! Im not telling you my reel name cos you will Death Note me and stuff!"

"Dam hes on me!" Dark bellowed and hanged up.

"Let me try said Night"

They got on the tube back to the town where L was.

The doorbell said "ding dong!"

"I will get it" L said as he skiped all dainty to the door. Night was there and she was all naked.

"I will sex with you if you tell me your real name." She spoke all sexy style.

"Sorry but im gay" and slammed the door in her face.

So Night cut her hair and took off her lipstick and got a tattoo that said "IM A DUDE"

"Hello you sexy man" said L and let her in cos she was naked and looked like a guy.

They went across the apartment which was full of old candies and foods and candies and stuff that L had eated fast over the years but forgotted and made the place all sticky. On the floor was a life note so she grabbed it and stuffed it her bra.

They gay sexed for ages and ages then L told her his real name only it wasn't cos he was smart and gived her a fake so she couldn't kill him which is why he's like the smartest dude in America.

So her plan failed and then it was Nears turn but noone cares about him and it was something lame about magic robots or something so lets not talk about that

Dark was all pissed off cos his anti life note was useless.

"F-CK!" he screamed so loud that a church blew up. "NOW HOW CAN I KILL THE DUDE?!"

"WAIT!" he thought. "IM THE SECOND SMARTEST DUDE IN AMERICA! I CAN MAKE...... A PALN!"

So he planed all night and even stoped sexing with rock stars like hanna montanah so he could do more planing.

The next day he had a plan!

"I WILL STEAL HI_S LIFE NOTE AND THEN USE MY ROYAL DEATH NOTE_!" was his plan.

"I did it like 35 minutes ago" repled Night getting it out of her bra. Dark got all pissy cos he was now not the second smartest dude in America and night wasn't even a dude even though she had a tattoo that said she did cos that tattoo was just a lie ment to trick L not something true or something!!!!!.

Dark got his royal death note and wrote "L dies right now or my name isn't DARK YAGAMI!"

Then L died.

"_You kiiiiiiiled me!_" said Ls ghost sadly. Everyone was sad except for the dudes that hated L which was lamost everyone so i should have said noone was sad which was true and there were big parties on the streets.

Without L Dark and light and misa and also yotsuba and night and that x-kira dude no ones heard of were able to go all Kira and kill loads of evil dudes.

**THEN ONE DAY!!! :0 :0 :0 :O**

Dark was out on his yot on the sea. It was a big yot and had a sail and Dark was wearing a sailer hat cos it made him more of a sailer and he was the captain.

He did a Titanic thing on the front with Naomi was thought she was flying cos shes a bit dum.

Suddenly there was a bubble. A notebook floated to the top. Dark jumped in and found it! It was a Talk to Dead Dudes Note and it worked a bit like msn or something.

Dark opened it. He saw someone had writed "hi im dead a/s/l" in blood

He wrote back "17/m/my yot. a/s/l?"

"26/m/dead"

Dark ponderated for a minute. He new a certain dude like that (and that dude was L).But who was it?

"r u l lol?"

"yep"

"wtf"

"you killlllllllled me and now i can my revenge!"

**WOT A F-CKIN TWIST! SAY TURNED FOR MY NEXT CHAPER "THE HAUNTING OF DRAK YAGAMI!" IT WILL BE SWWWEEEEET!" L IS GONNA BE A GHOST AND HES GONNA BE HAUNTING SHIT ITLL BE SO SWEET SO READ IT BUT NOT YET COS IT DOESNT EXIST YET EXCEPT IF IT DOES LOL!**


	15. Chapter 15 The haunting of Dark Yagami?

_Hey more stuff finally!!! Sorry it tok so long lol! But now i has summer vacashn adn its righting time!_

L was sad because he dead. There was dead dudes everywhere liek zombies and vampies and ghosts and some dude who was just dead. Then one day he found a Talk to Not Dead Dudes note. AND THEN SOMETHING HAPPENED!

YOU'VE ALREADY RED IT COS IT WAS IN THE LAST CHAP LOL!

So anywy L was all angry and stuff cos dark had killed him. He got on the magic train to the middle of heaven which was one of thos japanish trains that goes very fast and it only took a second because it was powered by nuclears and magic. He went in sides and shouted.

"I'M L AND I'M F-CKED UP WITH BEIN DEAD! MAKE ME HELFY AGEN OR I WILL SHOT YOU IN THE NOSE" he shouted at god who got all scared.

"_**I AM GOD AND WILL LET YOU GO HOME ON ONE CONDISHUN!"**_screamed god getting out his life note. _**"YOU WILL USE YOUR POWERS TO KIL....................................... LIGHT AYANAMI!"**_

L was shicked.

"I cant kill my girlfriend!" L roared. He pulled a swish army knif out of his pocket and waved the pointy around to scar god.

"_**HE WANTS TO RULE THE WORD!"**_ god said scarred running away from the knif.

"oh sorry i will do it then or my name isn't L which it isn't but i cant tell my real name in case it gets death noted again and this time for real."

"_**BUT I NEED YOUR REAL NAME TO USE THE LIFE NOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"**_ panicked god. "_**iNSTEAD I WILL USE MY GHOST NOTE COS THAT IS LIKE A ROYAL DEATH NOTE EXCEPT WITHOUT THE DEATH AND WITH SUM GHOSTS INSTEAD!""**_

_L_so l got ghost noted and turned into a ghost. It mad him all funny and shiny like water but also slimy like slimer.

"HA AH HA I LIED! I WON'T KIL LIGHT ILL KILL HIS BRO.............................. DARK!"

"_**F-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------CK!"**_ roared god as dark ran away. He was god so he didnt swear except now he did.

**ON A BOOT (GET IT IT'S A SONG AND IT ROCKS LOOK IT UP!)**

Dark was wetting his pants like he never wet them before which he didnt cos he was old but not so old he wet his pants. A GHOST? That sort of thing was imposable!

"blud you fat pies of f-ck cum out."

Blud stopped swimming in the pool on the yot which was full of blood because he swam in it a lot and liked blood which is where he got the name and also because it sounds cool.

"Do ghosts exits?"

"_THEY DO NOT MY GOOD YOUNG FREND BECOS THAT SORT OF THING IS IMPOSABLE?"_

"But ur a shinigami aren't you imposable too?"

"_NO COS THIS IS THE DEATH NOT WORLD WHERE SHINIGAMI ARE POSABLE_

"I see I hop your right. I don't want to find a bunch of ghosts cuming all over the deck."

"_THT WILL NOT HAPPEN BECOS THEY DONT!"_

BUT HE SAID TOO SOON!

A GHOST CAME!

AND IT WAS..................................................................

l

"WTF??!" dark scramed.

"_im a ghost"_ L said ghostly and waved his arms to be scary. He was covered in ghost magicks and ecytoplasum and a mess on the deck where he had came.

"NOT SO FATS!" dark

He jumped in a jet ski and raced away. L jumped on a ghost banana boat and flowed. Blud was sad because it was not a blood banana but tried to eat it anyway.

They zoomed down the sea past a fish. There was boats full of people watching cos they were the fatsest jet skis ever. They did a bunch of jumps over a wall and a cruise boat but missed some sharks and didnt jump them (ITS AN INTERNET THINGY)

Then a pirate came and they were moden pirates with guns and rockets and taking over oil tanks lick those guys on tv.

"Yaaaaaaah!" one said and played with his parot. "fire the cannons!" so they all picked up an bunch of bazookers and shooted them. Explosions went everywhere and one hit l but he was a ghost and it cant hit him and he save so don't worry cos darks the hero of this story anyway.

"peices of 8" one said sad as dark pulled an uzi out and went fast at them screeching like Rambo.

The boat exploded and bits of wood and gold and treasure and oil fells from the sky and dudes in the street stoped to pick it up and made them rich and acar almost crashed in thc haos but then didnt.

Dark and l raced there boats through a tunnel and found them in that city place in erope with the boats and the rivers and the stuff i don't know what its called.

They zoomed around making everyone wet. They smashed through bill board of a naked lady and zoomed down the water highway over taking and shooting everywhere and fires went and boats exploded everywhere and excitement happened! Some dude was swimming and splatted. He was hit by a jet ski but then came okay!

Then the boats ran out of gas and started to sink! IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY! Dark had to jump out and jumped over the other cars and boats to the shore. L could ghost and he flied over.

"why you chasing me" said dark

"_because you killed me!"_

"it wanst me!" lied dark

"_who was it then?"_

"MY SISTER NIGHT YAGAMI"

"_THEN WE KILL HER!"_

"_I AGREE"_ said blud eating the blood banana boat.

_I hated the character of night even if she sexy so i kill her next time! Is this good????_

_YES !!!!!!!!!1_


	16. Chapter 16 Good night Night ITS A PUN

_Some guy told me that im on Tv Tropes now which is like a wikipedia but for tv or something!! THIS A FAMOUS STORY BUT I WONT LET IT GOT TO MY HEAD EVEN IF IM AWSEOM! Im not on tv but i guess death note is and thats why they licked it?_

_THIS CHATPER HAS SOME SEXY IN IT SO NOT FOR THE KIDDIES!!_

Night was naked becos she was sexy and getting tatoos that death noted evil dudes and some evil chicks too.

Dark and L were hiding in the tree outside her manshun with a binokula and a bunch of japanish swords and guns and a nuclear that L had stealed from the japan army.

"she is nakes" Dark said givin L the binokula. He cud have keeped starring but didnt cos it was his clon and thats like a sister and tthats gross.

L watched night naked and got all happy. Then they made a plane.

"DING DONG" said the doorbell.

Night opened the door and it was L.

"I see your naked." L leeched at her. "i am also naked" he said taking of his shirt to revel his abs underneath. They were tough and bumpy cos he worked out for like 20 ours a day.

Night was lal turned on becos she had never sexed with l but she had gay sexed (AN: back in chap 14 lol!) but he dint know and that was different taked away his jeans and not his shoes cos he don't wear them.

They wet inside as Dark watched from the window lick a creepy dude.

Nights room was big and all fluffy and girly. On the walls were some pictures of puppies and also some science cos she was that brainy. Her bed was all big and fluffyand soft and there was a curtun around it like in harry potter.

"You want to sex with me" she said in a sexy voice that made l's man thing.

"HOW YOU KNOW?" he screamed

She ponted to her ears which were shinigami ears and could hear brains.

"i can hear your forts!"

L lolled and she put him on the bed and they started to sex. At first they only sexed a bit but then they sexed more becos Dark needed to brake in and L had to make a bunch of noise so she wood not hear the smashy bits.

"im glad she thinks im just sexing with her and don't not know i want to kill her for making me a gost!" he thinked. Then he remembered the ears she just told him about but forgot cos hes a silly and not to good at being a cop.

"WHAT THE F-CK!" she shouted throwing the bunchy scruffed-up detectiveman on the floor. She got on a marshal arts dressing gown and got it on and started karating poor L. He used his brazil dancing from the beyond birthday book and fighted her back harder. There were punches and kicks flying everywhere and stuff got smashed. A fire started when l's fist smashed a science thing full of nuclears but then Night punched him hard on the man thing and he cryed and the crys put out the fire. The fighting all intents and the cloths fell of and then they got all turned on and started sexing again.

Then Dark jumpedin with a samri sword on each hand and another between his teeth.

"NO! DONT KILL HER BECOS I LOVE HER NOW!" L shooted but it was too late and dark jumped on the bed.

Night and L both grabed to swords each and started fighting back but dark was so could he good win even with one swrod less. They slashed about a lot and the duvet of the bed got all slashed up and so did Night's cloths so she was naked but she dint care cos she knew she had to fight...................................... FOR HER LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Things got more awesome and they were fighting on the roof and there was lighting all around and winds blew everyones hair aaround and also blew away the sheet night was using to not be naked. An thunder smash the roof of the building and bits of tile flew every where and it was very scary. Like if youve ever jumped in front of a bus and the bus was being driven by satan and there was a dead frog on the front and fire instead of a windscreen - thats how scary it was.

Then dark screamed and spat out the sword in his mouth and it went thru l with a splat and then it hit night to like a kebab and they both fell screaming. They hit the gorund a thousand foots down and died together which was sort of sweet.

Then l remembered he was a ghost and couldn't die. (AN: i forgot soz! Still its fixed now lol!")

He cryed a bit then remembered she killed him and happyed (even though she dint really it was dark).

"Now ive helped you you need to help me my crime solving friend!" Dark said getting back his sword.

"i'll do anything!" L gushed like he loved Dark which maybe he did a little but not really cos Darks not gay!!!! SERIOUSLY

"i need you to help me stop Sayu being queen of the shinigami and make me it instead!" he demanded, punching L to make him clearer.

"YOU'RE SISTER!!!!!!!!!!"

"NOT ANYMORE!" he smirked with evil. "IM GONNA KILL SOME DUDES!"

L looked round scarred. DArk had flipped his shit! ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN NEXT! EVIL ANYTHING!

_CLIFFHANGER ALERT! I WONT KILL SAYU COS I LIKE WRITTING HER BUT THERE WILL BE SOME VIOLENT NEXT TIMES!_


	17. Chapter 17 Matsuda sees sum stuff!

_Matsuda is japanish and i aint mentioned him yet so here you GOOOOOOOOO!_

**In Tokyo (its the big city of japan!)**

Everyone was dead scarred becos Dark had said he was GONNA KILL SOME DUDES (he was accidentally TV at the time all over japan like lind taylor was the show). Matsuda was a cop and he saw it. Then dark gotted out his royal death note and started writing dudes in it (he didnt know there names but it didnt matter cos its the royal death note remember LOL!)

Matsuda saw it and wet his pants cos he scarred easy.

"OH NOO!" he giggled. "DARK IS GOOING TO KIIILLLLLL UUUUUSSSSS!"

Dark zapped to Tokyo with the teleport note and landed outside the cop place. Matsuda was there and saw it. Dead dudes where everywhere and dark had to kick them outta the way to get to the police bus thing so he could ram into the building without dying for some reason (AN: i didnt get that bit lol! Y did the dudes all die except soichiro? PLEASE TELL ME!)

The bus hit the wall with a BOOOOOOMSMASHBOOOOOOM and matsuda saw it and tried to wet his pants again but couldn't cos he didnt drink enough.

Dark went to the TV place and got the tv and said "I will writ 'EVERYONE IN THE WORLD EXCEPT DRAK' IN MY ROYAL DEATH NOTE UNLESS THE QUEEN OF THE SHINIGAMI CHALLENGE ME TO A DUAL!"

Everyone in the world saw it even Matsuda who dint usely watch TV cos he was a cop.

**In the shinigami world!**

Sayu was now called Sa~Y'u and was watching housewives of new jersey or something girly liek that. Then Dark took vvover the TV and she saw him try to kill everyone even her bro and Lights mom.

"_I WILL HAVE TO FIGHT HIM OR MY NAME ISNT SAYU YAGAMI WHICH ITS NOT ANYMORE BECAUSE NOW ITS sA~y'U ANIME AFTER I MARRED MISA IN MASACHEWSETS_"

She took the everything note out of her purrs and got a pen made of magic and vampire blood and writ "_FLY TO TOKYO!"_

**BACK IN TOYKO!**

Sa~Y'u laned with a splat on the big crossroad in the middle of the city. The only guy was alive in the area was matsuda who saw it happen. She didnt see him tho and got naked for battle and he also saw it.

"_BROOOOOOO!"_ she roared as dark jumped out of the tower and hit the floor in front. Lucky dark writ his name in the life note and didnt die.

"TIME FOR THAT SHINIGAMI FIGHT I THOGHT WAS DUM EARLYER!" he bellowed getting out a grenade. The grenade made a bit of a boom but not a big one and Sa'yu punched Dark IN THE FACE. There was epic fighting and punches and kicks and dark had a head butt but it messed his hair. Sa~Yu was loosing so she taked out the everything note and writ "MAKE ME BETTER AT FIGHTS!" and she was still loosing so she wrote it again and started to win.

A bunch of peeps saw and fort she was Godzilla cos towers kept exploding with booms and glass everywhere and sometimes bits of desk fell and broke cars. One hit matsudas car. He saw it and screamed.

"WHAT THE FR-G HAPPENED TO MY CAR!" he said girly and cried.

"_I DROPED A DESK ON IT BUT THATS NOT IMPOTENT NOW!"_ SA~YU said and didnt no who the screamy guy was but wanted to happy him up any way. Matsuda saw it and new what had to be done and climbed up her to help with a big police gun. He turned it to the biggest setting and a cop car jumped out and hit dark and explde.

"WHAT THE F-CK" dark roared as an arm blew off.

Then an another and another and another until dark was blew to little bits of splattery that squished on the road. Matsuda saw it and throwed up everywhere but not on Say'u cost hats gross.

"_THANK YOU SAN MATSUDA _(AN: japanish for saint matusda like francisco!) _I WILL MAEK YOU MY WIF!"_

Yay!" said matsuda with a happy dance which made her laugh and then he fell off and dead.

In the confusion Dark stole the everything note and ran away and writ "I AM THE KING OF THE SHINIGAMI AGAIN" and he became Da'urq agan and Sa~y'u became Sayu.

"OH F-CK" sed sayu who ran back home.

With a thunder and lighting, blud magiced himself in front of Da'ueq.

"_YOU HAVE LEANED WELL FROM ME!"_ he whispered like moldy bread. "_LEARNED WELL LIKE A FOX WHO WENT TO SCHOL AND DID WELL AND THEN WENT TO COLLEGE_"

"_I KNOW!"_ Da'urq repled and did an awesome stand like fenicks right.

"_NOW YOU WILL STAN DOWN AND BECOME PRESDENT OR SOMETHING COS I AM THE TRUE KING."_

"I CAN'T!!!!!" D'aurq screamed.

"_THEN FACE THE PUNISHINGS!"_ and Dark got whooshed into heaven.

"_THANKS L"_ Blud sed while eating a bunch of blood bananas anda blood banana dakery.

"No prob!" answered the gost. "Now i just has to kill........ LIGHT YAGAMIIIII!"

_REMEMBER GOD TOLD L TO KILL LIGHT. TURNS OUT...... HE WAS RIGHT. MORE NECKS TIME!_


	18. Chapter 18 WHEN IT ALL CHANGES!

Light was skipping in the park. Then a snipe happened and now he dead.

"That was easy!!!!" said L dropping the sniping gun and givin it back to Watari.

"BLOODY THANK YOU YOU BUMBLING BUGGER" he britished playing with his beardy thing.

"What does we do now?" L asked putting down the snipe.

"IN MY COUNTRY ENGLAND WE WOULD CELEBATE WITH A PINT OF FROSTY ALE BUT YUO ARE TO SMALL SO WILL HAVE TO DRINK COKE"

L was all sad but happy cos the wobbly police boy loved suger stuff!

Then they went home and drank ale and coke and partied into night. But then L found a lif3e note and accidently writ Light in it.

"FR-G!" he roared as the guy came back to live!

**IN THE PARK!**

"OMG WTF?!"

Light dint no why he had come back to live but SOMEONE WAS GONNA PAY FOR SHOTTING HIM!

He sniffed some flours and then ran to his evil base to plan. Here he had computers and lasers and a nuclear and an xbox 360. He put the pencil in the door and the bag of gas in his desk to double stop being seeing.

Here he planned! He worked for ours and ours to come up with an evil sceme that noone would guess like even the cops and L and those kiddie guys and beyond birthday workin together wouldn't be able to work out how L got dead. I know L would be dead but imagine he isn't except then thered be be no reason to work it out so i don't know he came back with a time machine to guess how i dead i dunno its not my story. It is but i don't care.

**TOMORROW**

Light was standing a foot behind L. Someone threw a nife at L but missed.

"F-CK! MY PLAN IS RUINED!" light shooted as loud as he can and ran away.

"Did someone try to kiiiiiiill me?" L said surprised as he looked at the nife. Light was smart and crossed out his name on the blade so noone would see it.

"Yeah, me you F-CK!" Light shooted but he hid his voice was L couldn't tell who.

"YOU SCOUNDREL! ILL MAKE YOU PAY OR MY NAME ISNT L!"

"It snot!" Light shooted back and l was sad cos it was true.

**IN HEAVEN**

Dark was making hell in heaven (GET IT! IM QUIET PROUD OF THAT ONE!) by setting clouds on fire and punching dead dudes and sometimes he shouted some cuss words.

"_**STOOOOOOOOOP!**_" God screamed but he was powerless cos dark was king of the shinigami. _**"I JUST FINISHED PAYIN FOR THAT CAR!"**_

"I don't care!" Dark laughed jumpin in the rolls roys and burnin rubber out of the gates back to earth. He was a still a ghost but awesome enough that noone carred.

He ran down the highway to hell (GET IT) but put his blinkers on and got off at exit 9 instead cos the traffic was heavy and also he dint want to go to hell but to earth instead. He zoomed round a bunch of cars and a semi full of angels and got to earth.

He dint stop zooming though and went WHOOOOOOSH past a bus full of school kids and they were crazy becos he was so cool and one of them was near and he was shocked that dark could be such a cool dude even though he was dressed like his bud mello who was a jerk. Then he went past a bus full of sexy folks but was going to fast so they dint see him which was sad cos the story needs more sexing but thats just how it happened SOZ.

**BACK WITH L AT THE END OF THE HIGHWAY**

"OH MIGHTY WHATS THAT WANKY SOUND?" watari exclaimed when he heard a car.

"Its me you M-THERF-CKER!" dark roar blasting his car threw the solid gold gates of watari house and scarring some ducks on a pond.

"I JUST FINISHED PAYIN BLOODY FOR THOSE SODDING GATES"

"you sound like god" insulted dark and jumped out of a kimbo with guns. He shot watari who had to pretend to be a duck to be safe.

"YOU KILLED ME!" Dark screeched at L who wet himself.

"YOU PISSED OFF YOUR PANTS!" watari roared taking off his duck costume.

Then light came with a battleax.

"NO YOU KILLED ME!"

"I AM SORRY BRO"

"NO I MEAN L KILLED ME AND ITS COMPLICATED OKAY AT LEAST ON FACEBOOK COS WERE SEXIN THEN YOU TRYED TO KILL ME"

"But i got you back!" L panicked waving his arms like a panicky dude.

"oh okay" said light and shot dark instead but missed on purpose and killed L.

"F-CK" said L and shot Light back.

Just before they died dark laughed lick an evil dude and roared

"I TRICKED YOU INTO KILLING EACH OTHER! I AM THE BEST EVIL DUDE EVER AND SUTLE AND ALSO A MAGNIFICENT BASTARD! (_TAKE THAT TVTROPES!!!!!!)_"

"It is true you totes are" they said and then they died on the floor screaming in blood.

"NOW TIME FOR SOMETHING ELSE"

I don't know what yet.


	19. Chapter 19 ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY WOOOOO!

_Summer vaccination is over now ;_; apparently there's a dude called ckira who is a kira but old or something? LETS LEARN HIS STORY!_

_OMG THIS FIC IS ONE YEAR OLD AND FAMOUS WHICH MAKES IT LIKE A PROPER STORY. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES WHOS THE MAN ME!  
_

Ckira got out of bed and had a shave cos he was old and had a beard except he shaved it. He looked at the poster on his wall which was a girl and naked except for a underwear and sexy and then said "I need to kill some dudes today" and taked out his death note. His newspaper wasn't working so he dint know who the evil dudes were!

"Hmm. I dunno who to kill. I will ask."

He put on his snow shoes and coat and hat and socks and a jumper his mom gave him for Chrismas and also some pants because it was snowy and walked outside. A car vroomed past and splattered him with a puddle so he deathnoted the driver who exploded and then his car exploded too.

"THAT'LL TEACH YOU!" ckira screamed dancing on the dead car. Then he knew people might see and ran away in the snow going squish under his snow shoes which were actually tennis rackets cos he lost his snoe shoes in the fire. They were still on fire and left burns in the snow. "I MUST KILL PEOPLE" he screamed getting all itsy cos it was like half nine and normally he killed peeps then got a glass of coffy and some lucky charms and also a shower cos he was stinky sometimes.

He missed his bus to the city so he used his death note to make another bus come and pick him up and then the bus driver would die when he got there. He sat down and lissened to an old guy band like Jefferson Spaceship or something on his ipod. Next to him was the girl from the bus and she was a spy for L but noone knew it not even L.

"Are you a nice day?" said the girl from the bus taking his ipod of.

"yeah I need to ask the cops about something to do with a note… " then he said too much and stuck his hand over his mouth and screamed "I SAID NOTHHING!"

Okay

The girl with a bus said and acted like she saw nothing but then got out her magic phone and shouted "OPERATER! GET ME L! I HAVE A GUY WITH A DEATH NOTE!"

So the operator found L and put him on.

"THIS DUDE CKIRA IS ACTUALY A KIRA! HE HAS A DEATH NOTE AND SOMEONE TOLD ME A CAR EXPLODED AND HE WAS THERE DANCING WITH A DEATH NOTE"

"It could be a coinsidense." L said back munching on pixy sticks. "these things happen all the time."

"okay."

Then ckira got the bus off and it exploded cos of the death note.

Ckira ran through downtown and saw a dude wearing a cool hat and deathnoted him because he wanted the cool hat for himself because it was like a sombrero with feathers and a machine gun.

He found the shop that the cops ran and went in.

"Helloand welcome to the precinct!" said the desk lady (AN from chapter 4 I think I don't remember lol!) smiling like mad cos she just sexed Naomi.

"Hello! Said ckira trying not to be a creepy dude and failing. "I need to know some evil people."

"Why?"

"It's for…………………….. a school project."

"You look too old to be a schooly dude."

"That is because I am."

"Okay. Here are some evil dudes"

She read the list out.

"Hold on, let me get my note book out. So I don't forget"

He pulled out his death note but put his finger over the word death so noone would know. He writ a dudes name down and he died in the jail in front of them.

"WTF!" screamed desk lady.

The cop with an afro came out and said "WTF also"

"That had nothing to do with me" said ckira and they believed him because he was a good liar and he threated to death note them if they dint.

So he was happy and dudes were dying and the bus was on fire and he had a good hat and it was a happy day in light's city.

**BUT……**

The desk lady was walking down the street in the snow when a girl on fire jumped out and scarred her!

"Whoare you????""" she screamed taking off her hat.

"I am the girl from the bus!" the girl from the bus replied also getting naked.

"What do you want?" the desk lady asked and got off her dress to show a gold one piece made of silk and gold.

"I know that ckira dude is kira" the girl from the bus screamed as they started to sex.

"Now you mention it he did seem suspicious and some dudes dead when he writ in a book like the real kira." Desk lady replied getting happy

"but L wont believe me!"

"L has dead!" desk lady screamed as they stopped to sex.

"Then who did I phone?????"

**MEANWHILE IN DARK'S HOUSE…**

An evil dude was holding a phone. He was lissening to desk lady and the girl from the bus sexing and was real happy for them and let them finish (GET IT????)

"BLASTED CONFOUNDATIONS" he roared in a manner that was british. "THAT SOD SANDWICH AND HER SODDING DESK LADY HAVE FIGGED IT OUT!"

The mystery dude got up and gave the other mystery dude who a MAGNIFISENT BASTARD a cup of tea cos he was british and the other dude spat it in his face cos he was American and dint drink britishy drinks except for sometimes shandy (AN: it's a britishy drink which my mate (AN: british for friend!) tyler got me when he went to London on vacation which is like beer and lemonade and its alcoholy but you can drink it under 21 which makes it for me and I drink it all the tim now! Also they have newspapers with nakedy ladies in and he got me one and I read it every night! I wish I was british now except for the teeth).

"Well that is tough, mystery dude. I am the new L now and theres nothing they can do it about it so there."

Then he put on his sneakers and a fluffy hat and snow goggles and ran out to the downtown to meet them.

"Hi girls! I'm L" the mystery dude said and they had a threesome. When they were done, the desk lady said "You are much better at sexing than the last L."

"Tell me your name, mysterious stranger." Desk lady asked sexy

"No because someone might death note me."

"You're too smart for me! Now, let's catch this ckira dude!"

"We will!" mystery dude replied "OR MY NAME ISN'T DARK YAGAMI!"


	20. Chapter 20 CKIRA gets away then doesnt!

It was a sunny day in light's city and the heat was on ckira and the cops were near (but not NEAR cos hes dead remember! LOL!). The snow was melty and now a sandstorm was blowin in from the dessert. Ckira looked at his watch which was on his arm where he left it every day.

"THE COPS WILL KILL ME IF THEY FIND THIS!" he screamed, looking at his death note. Then a shinigami appeared. He was not like the other shinigami because he wore a clothes like a spaceman to breath safe in the shinigami world which was full of clouds and poison. On the spaceman clothes was the name TIOSEAFJ (AN: I just hit the keyboard but it sounded cool so kept it!).

"_WHO THE F-CKETH ART THOU_?" said TIOSEAFJ pointing at him. He took of his spacesuit heltmet and It was actually a girl inside and it wasn't a spacesuit but a timesuit for flying in time.

"I am ckira and I'm old and kill dudes" he replied getting out his throwing knife like moden warfare and throwing it at a cop car nearby which exploded. "I am on the run from the law because I am secretly a kira. Who are you?"

"_I ART TIOSEAFJ. I ART SHAKESPEERS SHINIGAMI?!"_

"WTFFFFFF!" he spat, and his denters came out and went splatty on the road. "Shakespeer had a shinigami?"

"_Yes because he art the guy whom really killedeth Romeo and Julyt!_ (OMG SUCH A BORING STORY WE HAVE TO READ IT IN ENGLISH CLAASS RIGHT NOW AND SO BORING. THE MOVIE BORING TOO BUT NAKED JULYT IS THERE AND SOME DUDES GET STABBED!) _But that art not important right now. What art impotent is he senteth me in time to find thou and maketh thou safe"_

So TIOSEAFJ magiced him to the airport where on a plane to japan, but he forgot his death note and had to come back for it and L and Watari arested him at the airport.

" TIOSEAFJ YOU FAILED ME. YOU AREA DIGRACE TO THE GOOD NAME OF JIMMY SHAKESPEER." He screamed as they put in the wagon thing. They drove past the police station. "Why aren't you taking me here? Arent you guys the cops or something."

"Sorry bro" L said but it was a name. ckiras not his real bro and besides its dark not L really and darks bro is light who isn't in this chapter yet but will be if I remember which I wont because I usually forget and sometimes remember. "Were not the cops. Were like the eviler cops who work for a hotel for some reason."

They went to the hotel and didn't crash on the way. They went into there room. AND A GUY WAS THERE. WITH TWO SHOTGUNS.

"Ok you f-cking f-cker who is not a nice dude" said the mystery dude with two shotguns and no moustache because he sahved it off as a disguise. "You killed my son dark and now you must die!"

He pulled both shotguns and some shots came out and shot L in the back on the neck. He died and then took his mask of.

"OH MY " soichiro screamed like a sad dude as he looked at his son who he just shot thinking it was another dude when actually it wasn't and it was his own son who was killed by the dude he was pretending to be and soichiro had shot him thinking he was that dude when in fact he wasn't that dude at all and it was all a case of mistaked dentistry by soichiro and also watari played a part because he was evil and twisty and british and all that jazz. "I HAVE KILLED MY ONE TRUE SON! NOW WHO WILL I TAKE TO SOCCER PRACTISE?"

"My deer father. You are bestest dad a dude could have." Then dark coughed some blood and sticky stuff out. "Actaully that is not true cos you shot me and a good dad wood not shoot his own sun but then again you thoguth you were revenging me so it all works out okay in the end."

Ckira got forgotten about and he wont turn up agen in this chatper cos hes not as impotent as dark and also hes old and jailed now.

**AT DARK'S FUNREAL**

Everyone in the world was watching on the TV even peeps who dint have TV cos they were just that sad. Every Kleenex company in the world was sold out and peeps were crying so much that it kept raining with all the water. The sad clouds made it sadder and people cried more until there was hurricanes and flooding and ducks everywhere stealing peopls' bread.

Shakespeer was doing a speech because he time travelled to the future to be there (FOR MORE INFO ON HOW TIM TRAVEL WORKS IN THE DARK YAGAMI UNVERSE, CHECK OUT "THE GOD OF TIME WITH NO NAME" OR THAT CHAPTER WHERE MATT DIES I DON'T REMEMBER WHICH IT WAS AND I DON'T WANNA LOOK IT NOW COS IT NOT IMPOTENT. THIS IS JUST AN AN AND I DON'T WORK HARD ON THEM EXCEPT THIS ONE I GUESS COS ITS LONG AND I HAVE TO HOLD DOWN THE SHFT BUTTON TO WRIT IT WHICH MEANS I CAN ONLY TYPE WITH ONE FINGER AN IT TAKES TWICE AS LONG). It was a god speech not one of his lame ones like when people die in romeo and julyt when they die and rant about stars and stupid stuff.

"And for soothe dark art the besteth dude

Even though he art sometimes rude

He hadeth a pet fish called rexing

And really loveth the sexing

He hadeth all the looks and smarts

He will liveth fore ever in our harts

Except he art dead so he wont"

Soichiro was next and he was crying. Then noami came out (get it! ;) ) with the life note she stealed from the real L and brought dark back. Light (SEE I REMEMBERED) was happy and hugged and kissed him a bit but only in a not gay way.

"So is there anything left to do?" light asked him and also me cos I'm stuck.

"LOOOOOOADS!" dark replied giving his bro a nookie. "FIRST… WE NEED TO FIND CKIRA"


	21. Chapter 21 Twas the nite before DEATHMAS

_CHRISTIE I NO U READ THIS SO WHY YOU BLCOKED ME ON MSN? SORRY FOR THE MEAN THINGS AND ALSO WANT TO SEE 2012? ALSO THIS IS A SPECIAL THING I WRITE FOR XMAS!_

Dark needed a haircut so he got one. On the way back he saw Near.

"Hello!" Near said. He was all poor now and his hair was messy with smoke cos he had to jump in chimeys for his job now to make money for his kiddies.

Dark punched him in the face and walked away. "I hate that f-cker!" he swore. Something was on the ground and it looked like a xmas card so dark picked it up cos he thougt there would be like a $20 dollar bill in it or something but it wasn't a card at all but a Sick Note and what he thought was a xmas tree on the front was actual a sick dude being sick on some sick.

He opened it up and writ Near in it to teach that f-cker a lesson and then Near was near dead (GET IT? BUT ITS NOT A JOKE THIS IS VERY SERIOUS COS HE COULD DIE AND THAT'S NOT FUNNY EVEN THOUGH ITS NEAR so I guess it is funny after all) and he coffed a lot and had to use those stick things to walk so he looked like that tiny dude from the Xmas ghosty thing.

**AT THE POLICE**

"Can I have sum time off Dude?" the cop with the afro said to Soichiro. "Its near Xmas and the snow is coming and I want to build a snow-Kira and set it on fire to teach KIra a lesson he wont soon forget."

Soichiro stroked his mustache that grew back real fast after he shaved cos hes so manly.

"That would be an interesting ideal" he said strokily and got up and punched him in the face. The afro dude fell over and his afro went out like an bomb and hair was everywhere. "TOO BAD I AM NOW EVIL BECAUSE WE NEED TO MAKE MONEY FOR THE COLD XMAS PERIOD LIKE GOOD COPS AND NOT THE KIND OF COPS THAT DON'T GET THEIR KIDS PRESENTS FOR XMAS EVEN WHEN THEY ONLY ASK FOR SOMETHING SMALL LIKE GUITAR HERO BECAUSE THOSE KINDS OF PARENTS ARE JERKS."

Then the afro cop went out into the snow because Soichiro stole his jacket and set it on fire to heat the precinct.

**THAT NIGHT**

"Good night Light's mom" he said kissing Light's mom with his mustache.

He went to sleep and then Matsuda appeared but there were two of him and he was covered in chains and it was a ghost because L had stolen God's ghost note and made Matsuda alive again but only as a ghost and writ his name twice by mistake. (AN: A zombie note would be awesome! Maybs I will writ one!!!)

_"Iiii am a ghossst Soichiro and I will bring some evil buddies of mine and well give you a night you wont soon forget."_

Then he sang a song like from the moive (it's the Christmas carol film in case u dint work it out yet!).

_"Your DOOMED soichiro! Your doomed for all tim! Your future is something or other and I don't the other words!"_

Then he varnished and Matt appeared next as a ghost.

_"I am the ghost of Xmas Passed"_ he said looking up from playing moden warfare on his psp and using the taticle nuke. He taked out his time note and before he knew it he was in the past but he forgotSoichiro so he had to take him with him.

_"Do youuuu remember the past?_" he said pointing at a horse and a castle. _"this is when you were just a kiddie!"_ A smelly dude walked by cos he hadn't invented a shower yet. Then Soichiro ran into them but he was a kiddie and dint even have a mustache yet but did have glasss and that's how they new it was him.

"Top of the morning to ye gentlemen" he screeched and gave them a candy. "This is the past!"

Then Light's mom came (I no Light not been born yet but still don't know her reel name so shes now Lights past mom). "Who art these gentlemen?"

"I dunno" baby Soichiro said. He had learned that lights past mom licked writin fanfic about Shakespeer so he also done it and now they were dating.

_"That is very beautiful and a great boyfriend is soichiro!"_ matt said crying. "Anyone should date a guy lik that!"

Every thing came back to Soichiro an he cryed and everyone was confused. They went back to the present and he fort it was a dream lick the movie but it wasn't and the ghost of Xmas Presents who was Mello appeared. He spat a chocolate on Soichiros head to wake him up and his mouth was like a machine gun made of chocolate and teeth and it would have really hurt soichiro if he wasn't a ghost.

He taked out a box and shook it and said _"You didn't get your own awesome son Dark Guitar Hero…… you got him something lame instead like books or something. YOU SUUUCK!"_

Then he went also back to the dead and the last ghost came. And this gost was……………… RAY PENBER!

_"I am the ghost of the future!"_ he said and took Soichiro to look at a robot. Then Soichiro herd a singing from over the mountain. He ran there and saw massive fireball that was black and full of bats. The ground was cracking and breaking and some bits were lava now. Explosions came everywhere and a tower that was a mile high exploded and glass went everywhere and knocked down more towers.

And in the middle of the fire like a tornado or hurricane or the swirly thing when you get out the bath was………. NIGHT YAGAMI

"Thank you my dauter is alive!" he screamed. But then he saw what she was doing… SHE WAS SINGING THE SONG TO END THE WORLD.

_"OMG!" _raye screamed dancing like a dancy man. _"She is singing the song to end the world just like I said earlier!"_

There was an even bigger explosion like if you put all the fireworks in the world in a truck and then shot the gas tank and a black hole came and it ate the world and Soichiro had to magic out just in time!

"I need to save the world!" he shouted jumping out of bed and he was naked in case he had to sex Light's mom.

He ran out still naked and it was snowing but he was too man too care and he gave the afro dude his coat back and gave Near a turkey because he felt sorry for him and his disease was magically cured so Dark punched him again and stole his legos so Near got no Xmas present this year!

**AT THE POLICE AGAIN!**

All the brainiest dudes in the world were there. L, Light, Dark, Soichiro, Sayu, Near, Mello's ghost, Naomi and Watari and Blud was also there but only for the buffet because noone invited him because they coodnt see him.

"WE NEED A PLAN TO SAVE THE WORLD!" they all screamed at once!

"BUT HOW?"

"MAYBE WE SHOULD KILL HER?"

"BUT SHE'S ALREADY DEAD"

"HOW CAN THIS BEE?!?"

**MEANWHILE IN YOTSUBAS TOWER**

Yotsuba was working on his computer. He was good at it and had a high score on minesweeper. He was using Paint to draw …. SOMETHING. He printed it out. IT WAS A LIFE NOTE.

_TRICKED YOU! NIGHT ISNT DEAD AT ALL! I FOOLED YOU AL!_

_PLEAASE TEXT BACK CHRISTIE_


	22. Chapter 22 Helicopter and also sexings!

_SO I WAS GOOGLING MYSELF AND FOUN SOME SLOW ZOMBIE DUDE FROM THE TVTROPES WRITTING A BLOG ABOUT MY STORY! I NO YOU ARE BLIND DUDE WHICH IS A BUMMER BUT THAT'S STILL AWESOM! NOT LIKE NOT TEXTING ME BACK. YOU NO WHO YOU ARE. AND THAT PERSON WHO YOU ARE IS CHRISTIE._

Light and L were on the firring range and they were shotting their rifles and their shotguns and their rockets and making out. They shot a bunch of cardboard dudes and not the good guys which is good but not grate becausethey were a bit slow and kept makin out.

"YOU BUGGERING SODBURGERS!" Watari screamed through a bulletproof megafone. "WTF ARE YOU TRYING DO GET YOURSELFS KILLED TO BLOODY HELL?"

"Soz" L said and threw a flash and it exploded.

Next door Sayu was practising her handwriting. She dint want to have to everything note her sis to death or maybe further but she had to to to save the world!!!!

"What are you doin wife?" Misa said sexy style.

"Im writing stuff down" Sayu said and then writ "_I sex with misa_" in the everythinhg note.

Misa smilied and started to naked herself up. First she taked off her shoe. Then she got her hat and set it on fire like a candle to sexy up the mood. Then she got off her dress which was like that dress the lady wears in Residant Evil but with no guns and underneath she was wearing a Lady Gagga shirt and a boxers she borrowed from Light. She taked them off and then her other shoe and now she was naked.

SAyu then taked off her spy suit and it was no underwear below cos she was a spy like in james bond and needed to sex a lot. They got on the red silky bed in the firing range and began to make out a lot. then they made out some more and then they decided to sex it up. They were sexing a lot and it was very hot and sexy because they were both nakes and they were kssing there girly bits and whatnot.

Soichrio was feelin left out cos he wasn't sexing with anyone and he could sex Light's mom but wont cos there all old and that's nasty and gross an I'm not writng that sort of thing LOLLOL!

The radar went bip bip bip and he looked at the screen all scaredy style.

"MY GODBUGGERING RADAR JUST SODDED UP A SPIFFING HIT!" watari exploded spraying tea and Britain all over the table. "SOME CHAP JUST USED A WANKING LIFE NOTE!"

"where at gramps?" L asked stopping the sexing.

"ITS AT YOTSUBAS HOUSE UP THE SKYSCRAPER! RUUUUUUUUUN!" soichiro said and grabbed a sniper and threw it at wateri who grabbed it and grinned all evilly.

They got in the giant helicopter which was the size of a truck and had guns and grapple guns and computers and a bathroom. The bits on the roof span fast and soon they were flying over the city and people were standing up and starring and some of them pointed too.

Suddenly a rocket WOOOSHED past and left a big line of smoke and a bang at the end where it missed but only the helicopter because it still hit another tower but it was okay because noone was in the tower except for that leloosh guy (MORE LIKE LELOSER AM I RIGHT!?!?!) an d everyone hates him so its cool except he has a giant robot and also ive never seen it.

"DODGE IT!" L screamed like a little girl but it had already exploded and theyd dodged it then so L felt a bit dum.

Mikami climed on the roof with a sniper and looked through the telyscope. He saw a slimy dude but it wasn't yotsuba but he shot him anyway and the rockets stopped.

They looked all over the tower for Yotsuba's house and had to ask a postman for directions and then found it and they tried to knock on the front door but failed cos they were in a helicopter so instead they got their grapple guns like in BATMAN and boomed the front door down and zipped in and found themselves in Yotsuba's kitchen and they broke his braedmaker to show they were serious.

They pushed Ckira who was in handycuffs into the lving room and a billion bullets splatted him but he was wearing a suit of armor borrowed from TSIOFEAJ and he was sage for the time being.

Everyone else jumped out and fired all there guns at once and Yotsubas army fired back and like a trillion bullets hit everything and a plant exploded and then everything else came too and Yotsuba and sayu were life noting everyone back to live but sayu was faster and yotsuba's printer ran out of paper and he keeped the spares in his study which he coudnt get to cos it was full of dead dudes and guns and dead dudes firing guns at other dead dudes because sayu was using her everything note to make them do it and shes a bit of a dick.

Guns exploded everywhere and one hit L and he died and the life note bought him back to life and this happened like 20 times cos yotsuba was camping and everyone hates campers.

Then yotsuba's arm was dead and Soichiro grabbed him by the neck and punched him in the nose twenty two times to show him he was trouble and also showed him the broked breadmaker and he cried cos he couldn't eat his tasty blood banana bread that Blud had showed him how to make one day.

"YOU F-CKING F-CKED UP F-CKER WHO F-CKS F-CKS TELL ME WHERE THE F-CKING LIFE NOTE IS AND DON'T LIFE NOTE THAT F-CKING F-CK NIGHT YAGAMI BAK TO F-CKING LIVE OR ILL BREAK YOUR OTHER F-CKING BREADMAKER!"

"I was only trying to life note back my pet dog. He is called Might Yagami and I spelled it wrogn im sorryYYY!"

"WTF IM SOOOO SORRY!" lgith said and hugged him and they went to wall mart and bort him a new breadmaker and also a bunch of flowers to say soz.

"That doesn't help us find Night though!" Mellos ghost said getting all pissy and flicking his hair around pissy style. He was really pissed because he looked like Lady Gagga AND ITS TRUE LOOK!

"That's not ture. i just found this map night left behind" L said cos he was an awesome detective dude. It was a napkin with a picture of a house writted on it in lipstick and there was a car outside.

"I know that car!" soichrio bellowed like a freight train full of amps being driven by a screaming dude with a megafone on the wawy to a rock concert in a really noisy place. "It's……. MINE!"

_WTFFFFFFFFFFFF_

_THIS IS TOO EPIC FOR ME TO WRITE MORE OF NOW AND I NEED TO SLEEP AND ALSO I NEED TO PLAN THE EPIC FINALE OR MAYBE NOT BUT PROBABLY ACTUALLY THIS TIME ALTHOUGH I DUNNO COS PEOPLE SEEM TO LICK IT!_


	23. Chapter 23 SAVE THE QUEEN FROM DARK!

_THIS CHAPTERS GONNA BLOW YOUR F-CKING MINDS YOU GUYS! ALSO ITS GOOD!._

The cops ran as fast as they could to light's mom's house and looked in the car. Light and L were sexing inside on the backseat! AND THEY WERE NAKED!

"WHAT THE F-CKING ARE YOU DOING YOU FREAKISH SON OF MINE AND YOU SCRINKLY DETECTIVE DUDE WHO LIKES SUGER AND CANDIES. THIS WAS A CLUE IN VERY IMPORTANT CASE AND YOU GOT YOUR SEXYNESS ALL OVER IT. YOU ARE BANNED FROM THE YAGAMI HOUSE BOTH OF YOU BUT FIRST WE HAVE TO CATCH YOUR SISTER!" soichiro gasped looking into car which was dark because the windows were smoking from all the sexing.

"k" said L and sexed a bit more then stopped.

"Noooo!" said light all sadly style grabbing onto Ls ankle like a sadly style dude. "I wanna do more sexxxing!"

They went into the house and light was still grabbing L's ankle and he got dragged along and he was naked and his man thing got all scratched by the driveway and it hurt. Because they were good cops they took a bunch of finger prins off the walls and the door thingys and the fridge and the bin and the hifi and light's ipod just in case.

"HELL AND CARNATION!" watari screeched like a vampire bat. "THE SODDING NIGHT LASS JUST SODDING FORGOT HER FINGERS!" because he couldn't find them anywhere not even behind the tv.

"She must be here somewhere gramps" L said eating the remote. "Did you look in... SAYU'S ROOM!"

So they went up and there was nothing there. Except they found a sandwich and L ate it. Also sayu and misa were sexing but they hid in the closet (do you get it? It's a joke!)

"WHERE COULD THAT BLOODYING LASS BE?" watari pondered as he read sayu's diary and it was full of naughty things so he kept it for later.

"You want to know?" screamed a mystery voice from the air vents.

"WHO WAS THAT?" light whimpered peeing his pants except he wanst wearing them so he peed the carpet instead and soichiro got kinda mad and beat him.

"COME TO MY SECRET BASE IN DARK'S ROOM AND YOU'LL LEARN WHO IT BE!"

Everyone who heard this was extra shocked and ran there straight away! The pencil was in the door but it broke and they opened it!

And in Darks room was…… DARK! DARK YAGAMI! DARK FRIGGING YAGAMI YOU GUYS!

"I tricked you all!" he said and to show them he turned on the tv. There was a guy in London interviewing the Queen and they were drinking tea and being very british.

Suddenly the queen got up and punched the dude IN THE FACE! Which is something the Queen wouldn't normally do but she did and that's why its shocking.

"**Everyone in the world listen to me!**" she said and they did. "**I have an impotent thingy to say! THE WORLD WILL END IN TEN MINUTES THANKS TO NIGHT YAGAMI AND HER MAGNIFICENT BASTARD BROTHER DARK! THIS IS NOT A TEST!"**

There was chaos everywhere except for france because they didn't speak English. Dudes were punching dudes and being drunk and sick everywhere and they were sexing frantically and babbys were being born left right and also center!

A car crashed off a cliff and hit a nuclear plant and it was a very big plant like a redwood but nuclear so it exploded and took out all of Kentucky and then there was no more fired chicken. Another drove into the sea and hit a submarine and the captain tripped over and pressed the nuclear button which shot a bunch of nuclears at the international space station just like in moden warfare 2 again.

"**DON'T PANIC DUDES!"** the queen bellowed to calm the scene a bit. "**I AM NOT REALLY THE QUEEN I AM JUST DARK YAGAMI USING A DEATH NOTE TO TALK!"**

Dark put his pen down and said "What do you think!"

"YOU BLOODY QUEEN KILLING WANKER!" watari roared extremely angry and put dusters on his knuckles but they weren't very good dusters because they were made of metal not cloth so they couldn't dust stuff but they could punch dudes and that's why he did it.

"**WAIT WATARI! IF THE QUEEN THAT IS ME DIES YOU WILL BE THE NEW QUEEN COS DARK DOESN'T WANT TO BE QUEEN AND HE WILL PASS THE TITLE ONTO YOU!"**

"OH OKAY" watari said and cos he didn't want to waste the dusters he punched light and told the guy to put some cloths on.

"**SO ANYWAY DARK THAT IS ME HAS A LIST OF DEMANS THAT MUST BE MET! STEP ONE. HE WANTS TWO TRILLION DOLLARS. TWO. I WANT SPAIN AND THE MOON AND THE SUN. THREE. I WANT A BUS THAT WILL GO TO MY HOUSE FROM THE GYM. FOUR. I WANT A GYM. FIVE. I WANT GUITAR HERO FOR CHRISTMAS COS MY DAD IS TOO LAME TO BUY IT AND WTF YOU GUYS. SIX. I WANT A SPACESHIP AND TWO KINDS OF FERRARI AND A LAMBAGINY. SEVEN. I WANT MY OWN TV CHANNEL THAT SHOWS PICS OF HOW AWESOME I AM EVERYDAY AND HAS VIDS OF ME SEXING FOR EVERYONE TO SEE HOW SEXY I AM. EIGHT. I WANT A MACHINE GUN MADE OF BREAD. NINE. I WAN ANOTHER TRILLION DOLLARS. TEN. I WANT THE DRAGONBALLS. ELEVEN. I WANT A PLANE. TWELVE. I DON'T WANT A PLAN COS I JUST REMEMBERED I HAVE ONE SOZ BUT GET ME ANOTHER ANYWYA. THIRTEEN. I WANT A BOOK WRITED ABOUT HOW GOOD I AM AT SEXING AND IT MUST BE THE LAW TO READ IT. FOURTEEN. I WANT EVERY PLAYBOY EVER AND ALSO THE TV GUIDE. FIFTENN. I WANT MY BROTHERS BOYFRIENDS GRAMPS TO BE THE NEW QUEEN AGAIN!"**

"THANK YOU WEE CHUM!"

"**DON'T MENTION TI. SIXTEEN. I WANT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD TO SEND ME A TEXT EVEN CHRISTIE. SEVENTEEN. I WANT A WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER THINGS I FORGOT."**

Then the queen had a heart and died but got back to life because prince Charlie was there with a life note and his shinigami who was the ghost of a roman dude.

To show he was serious Dark took the tv dudes to that bowling place in Hollywood. There were a bunch of mikes and they were pointing at a mowhawky chick with a mowhawk and a bunch of tattoes and one of them said "SING THE SONG THAT ENDS THE WORLD."

She did a sound check………….. AND IT WAS NIGHT!

And the woman singing was….. NIGHT!

"COME ON YOU AGNIFICENT BASTARD! She said and pulled dark on the stage.

"WE WERE EVIL ALL ALONG!"

_AND SO WAS I_! Blud added but it was silly cos noone could see him.

_THINGS HAVE HAPPENED. ARE THEY GOOD? I DON'T KNOW EXCEPT THERE AWESOME BUT TELL ME WITH A REVIEEEEW!!!!_


	24. Chapter 24 The world ends! NOT!

_I HAS 20000 VIEWS AND 100 REVEWS! YOU GUYS ARE LIKE AWESOME EXCEPT SOME OF YOU ARENT BUT NOT YOU ! YOUR COOL!_

Someone saw the tv and called the cops and they sent like 3 cars and a gun cos dark could destroy the world and they didn't want to take no chances.

"DARCUS TAYLOR YAGAMI YOU ARE UNDER A REST!" the cops said stuffing like a billion donuts into there face and sugar and jelly and crinkles went everywhere and the pink frosting also and they looked like a pink dude covered in sugar crinkles. "COME QUIETLY OR WE WILL MAKE YOU COME LOUDER!"

Dark flipped a bird at them and the bird scratched there faces and ate the jelly. They screamed and a storm of sugar wnet everywhere

**A MILLION MILES AWAY IN LIGHTS MOMS HOUSE**

"I SMELL SOMETHING!" L screamed freaking the hell out all over the shop.

"yeah your mom!" soichiro joked and every laughed because his burn was sick.

"Daaaaaa~aaaaaaad!" light wined like a dude whos dad was mean.

"Sorry son!" Soichiro said and they hugged and the happy music came and the camera went fuzzy.

"But yeah I smell sugar and Its like making me crazy and all up in the crazy house!"

Light saw L was getting all energyish and he hugged him to calm it down but it didn't work and they accidentally sexed instead. Ti was good sexing but L throught light was made of candy and tried to eat him.

"Come on!" L screamed running out of the door like a nuclear concord. "IM GOING TO GET THOSE DONUTS OR MY NAME ISNT WHATEVER RYUKI HADOKEN OR WHATEVER THE F-CK MY NAME REALLY IS."

**AT A BOWL IN HOLLY WOOD.**

The cops all got death noted or shot or maybe the donuts were posin I don't know but anyway they dead and now theres nothing to stop dark's evil plan growing fruit!

"Hit it dudes!" he said and picked up a stick thing and waved it at the band. They started to play! AND IT WAS THE HOKEY COKIE! BECAUSE THAT IS THE SONG THAT WILL END THE WORLD! BECAUSE IT IS EVIL! BECAUSE IT WAS SECRETLY WRITTEN BY SATAN! BECAUSE HE WANTED TO BE FAMOUS!

But it was the evil hokie cokie and it had new words in roman and a different tune and really justthe title was the same.

"THOU PUTTETH YOUR EVIL LEG IN!" night began to sign and she looked like the girl from paramour but not red and also a punk. A fireball happened and then an explosion and a bigger one and an asterod fell out of the sky and landed and it exploded and set the ocean on fire. Then the moon got really close to the ground and it was the pointy moon so it started stabbing people and blood poured everywhere like the sea except the sea was on fire! Like lava!

Oh and also there was a volcano.

"not so fast!" l decanted pigging out on the donut that was everywhere.

"IT'S THE FUZZY!"

"Look Mr L dude" dark said darkly. "I just want to blow up the world is that so evil?"

"Yes because then where will the kiddies live?"

Night looked shocked and stopped signing.

"BRO! I NEVER FORT OF THAT!"

"I DID!" replied dark going to the snack stand and buying a pag of pretzels.

"Okay."

"TOUGH LUCK DUDE!" L said and he got a gun and arrested them.

**AT THE POLICE STATION AGAIN**

I've done like a bunch of scenes at he police station and its getting real boring so ill just say they got out again and dark sexed the desk lady while he was there because that's what you do when your as awesome as Dark and the desk lady is there! I'd sex her if I could and also if she was real.

**AT HOME**

Two weeks had passed and Dark was grounded for singing the song that ends the world. Night menwhile was doing science in room with chemicals.

"Whatcha doin sis?" asked light poking his head into the door.

"I'm testing my new invention which is a magic chemical to make good clones of people. I don't know how it works but I made it and I hope I don't make a good clone of myself by mistake (AN: that would cause like another TEN CHAPTERS OF AWESOME FIC GUYS. I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN {;-p)!"

"That sounds laaaaaaaaameeeeeee!" shrieked light balleting into the room. "You need to find a way to make something I need LIKE HAIR GEL (AN: light needs a hair cut cos he never has one in the show)."

Then he tripped over and fell on his man thingy and dna went everywhere and a bit landed in his hair and also some fell in the test tube full of clone juice but noone noticed.

"Get out of my room you dooshbag! I am going to put this chemical in the clone maker to keep it safe and hope I don't accidentally make a clone."

**THE NEXT DAY WHICH ALSO HAPPENED TO BE LIGHTS BIRTHDAY**

They were all eating cake around the bonfire. Lights mom had baked a cake shaped like ruyuk but then she cooked one shaped like Blud for Dark and it was bigger and had candles and tasted of blood bananas so soichiro had drop kicked Lights cake out the window where it landed in a splat in the hole left in the driveway by the nuclear bom back in chapter 7.

"SAVE SOME CAKE FOR ME!" pranced a voice from the door.

A dude walked in! He looked exactly like dark except his head was shaved into a funky spiral like Kanye when he did that thing and didn't let them finish (but this guy will cos hes a good clone). He was wearing a t shirt and jeans and no shoes but it was just a coincidence.

"WHO ARE YOU?" they chanted while singing happy birthday to dark.

"I AM DARK YAGAMI'S GOOD CLONE…….. DAY YAGAMI!"

_THINGS JUST HAPPENED! IM BACK ALSO! CHRISTMAS WAS GOOD! ALSO I KISSED KAYLA SO F-CK YOU CHRISTIE!!! LOL!_


	25. Chapter 25 What does this Day dude do?

_SOME DUDES OR MAYBE NOT DUDES SENT ME FANMAILS! AWESOME AND TANKS YOU GUYS!_

"Who the fiddlesticks are you?" lights mom said spitting her cake out and it hit light in the face.

"Yo duds im DAY YAGAMI!"

"WTF!" lights mom starred at soichiro. "HAVE YOU BIN HAVING BABIES BEHIND MY BACK?" she screamed pretty loud and a light broke. She was real mad and kind of pissed and she got the cake knife and waved it violently at Soichiro but only after rubbing the cake off because she was a tidy person.

"No wife! I SWEAR!" siochiro said and did a scouts honor. "I wood never have another son because I would tell you!"

"_HE TELLS THE TRUTH"_ Blud roared but noone could hear him cos he was a shinigami! And also he wasn't there.

"Mom! Dad! Leeme explain!" Night said. She stood on the table so everyone could hear. "Mom! Dad! Light! Dark! Sayu! Misa! Naomi! I has an annunsment ! THIS DUDE… IS MY SON!"

Soi got really angry and jumped onto his feet. HE was spitting everywhere with rage and spit was getting everywhere and it smelt funny cos he was drunk. With a roar like a dinosaur he jumped on the table too.

"WHOS THE GEEK WHO GOT YOU TEEN PRAGNET? IF I CATCH THAT PUNK ILL KNOCK HIS LIGHTS OUT AND THEN HELL TO LIVE IN THE DARK AND THEN ILL PUNCH HIM AND SLAP HIM AND BEAT HIM OFF WITH A BASEBALL BAT AND THEN THROW HIM OUT OF THE WINDOW NAD THEN JUMP ON HIM AND HELL SAY "OW STOP IT THAT HURTS" AND I WILL COS IM A NICE GUY BUT NOT TOO NICE AND I GET THE POLICE GUN AND SHOOT A POLICE CAR AT HIM. THATLL TEACH HIM A LESSoN!!!!!!!!"

"No dad! You don't understand! LIGHTS THE DAD!"

This was a bad thing to say because Soichiro dint understand how clones worked cos hes never played Metalgear solid.

"WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF! WHAT F-CKING F-CKED UP F-CKING F-CK F-CKING F-CKER OF A F-CKER F-CKING M-TH-RF-CKING F-CK F-CK F-CK F-CK DID YOU F-CKING MAKE MY DORTER PREGNANT?"

"I didn't do it!" light squealed. "This dude aint my son!"

"Yes I am." Day said but noone heard him.

"Dad! Listen! Light just tripped over and accidentally got his dna in a clone machine for good clones!"

"WTF DO YOU MAKE CLOWNS?"

"Not clowns! Clones are like dudes and sometimes chicks made of dna and they look like someone else but there always good or evil like twins."

"Oh oka.y" Soichiro patted his son on the back. "Good on you, son. Im so proud of you! Your very own son!"

"Actully I want to be Darks son." Day said picking his nose. "HEs a cooler dude and your twins so im aloud to do it!"

"Dammit!" said light. He wanted a son to take to baseball games and go fishing with and do all that lame stuff from tv with. Now he would have to take Near instead and noone likes him cos he smells and hes a kid.

"Cool" Dark said finishing his cake. "go and clean your room."

"I don't have one!" Day wined pointing to all his suitcases in the porch.

"Then you can sleep in the attic!" Dark said and gave him a ladder and some paint and a sleeping bag and some rat posion for the rats.

**THAT NIGHT IN THE ATTIC**

"If I wasn't a good clone I'd go all mad right now" Day said as ghosts and rats and ghost rats ghosted over his head biting him sometimes.

"Psst……… kiddo." A mysterious voice came from the corner of the room. There was no light so Day couldn't see the voice.

"Yeah? What do you want and who are you and what are you doing in my attic and are you a ghost?"

"Yes."

"Who are you the ghost of?"

"I cant tell you because that will be a surprise! SOON!"

"What do you want with me?"

"I have an evil plan……… it involves watari and a laser gun and it will let ME BE THE NEW L!"

"well I am good clone so you can just forget it."

"f-ck" said the mystery voice and went back to bed.

_MY ENGLISH TEACHER SAID THIS IS CALLD FOUR SHADOWS BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE SHADOWS ARE SO I MADE IT NIGHT TIME JUST TO BE SAFE_

**THE NEXT DAY**

Nothing else happened so now it's the morning.

Light and Dark were in bed together still becos even though Dark was like a super rich dude he kept forgetting to buy a new bed and DEF NOT COS HES GAY COS HES NOT IM SURE.

"Dammit I am late for school" light screamed climing over dark to get dressed.

"I am not because I am to clever to go to school." Dark said and pointed to the wall where he kept his spelling b medals and his noble prizes.

"lets play hooky" Light said (_AN: dunno how that's spelt. I mean he dint want to go to school not play that game with the sticks and the ice in Canada with dudes who beat each other up and wear skates._)

"k"

**MEANWHILE AT THE POLICE**

L was all pissed off cos Light hant deathnoted anyone lately so he had to deal with normal crimes in stead which were boring cos he could solve them all in like 10 seconds cos he was a good detective even if he dint do fashion well.

"Watari! Get me an ice cream burger! (AN: its like a burger but with strawbry ice cream instead of catsup! It doesn't exits but im sure its super tasty!)

"OKAY MY CHUMMY MATE. ILL BE BACK IN TWO SHAKES OF THE QUEENS HEAD."

Watar sprinted threw the streets pushing peeps out of the way and he shoved over and old laddie cos he was in hurry and someone fell down a well.

"BEEP BEEP! POLICE FOOD EMERGENCY GENTALMAN COMING THREW! I NEED AN ICE CREAM AND A BUGGERING BURGER"

He got to the burger shop and bought the biggest bugger they had but not the biggest one because it was to big but the second biggest and it came with a free toy. Then he went to the ice cream shop.

"TWO SCOOPS OF YOUR FINEST STRAWED BERRY CREAMED ICE MY FINE GENTAL MAN?"

"okay i will do that" the man said and he had black messy hair like L and black eyes like L and also like hed been punched recently and he was wearing a white tshirt and a jeans and no shoes and he was sucking his thumbs and he looked exactly like L except he was taller.

"COULD YOU PLEASE HELP ME CARRY THIS CONFABULATION BACK TO THE OFFICE? I AM AN OLD DUDE AND CANT HOLD IT FOR LONG."

"okay i will do that" the man said and carried the burger home.

"THANK YE MY GOOD MAN." And Watari got him a tit as a present.

"now i no where you live" the man said staring at L like a creepy dude. "i mean thank you and come again and i hope you lick our ice cream on your burger"

"YOU LOOK JUST LIKE HIM!" watari roared.

"This is defiantly a coincidens." L replied burgering his face up.

"i have to go now" the man said and went.

"I wonder what he meant by that." L said pigging himself to deaf. "Im sure he was not evil."

_WAS THAT DUDE EVIL? WHAT DO __**YOU**__ THINK?_


	26. Chapter 26 叙事詩の原料! REDYか。か。であるか。か

_THANKS TO BABYFISH 4 MAKING THE JAPANISH REAL! IF YOU CANT READ JAPANISH YOU WILL NEED TO MAKE IT ENGLISH AGAIN THO SOZ! TIS CHAP IS DEADCATED TO JARK GRIMWOD FOR SNEDING ME FANMAIL! PEACE OUT! EXCEPT NOT BECAUSE THERES FIC SILLY!_

There was a doorbell in the yagami house and it went.

"I'll get it hold yer horses! Jiminy cricket!" Lights mom swore as she stopped baking cokies and went to the door. A dude was there and he was big and fat and mustached and had glasses and he was Demi Gawa.

"Heya Im from the tv and I wantto talk to your son day yagami" he said except in Japanish so it sounded like "TVおよびIのwanttoの話からのあなたの息子日のyagamiへのHeya Im"

"Im sorry I cant read your crazy squiggles" Light's mom said even though one of them looked like a pretzel. "But my other other son Dark Yagami can and he can speak any langage except for walesish but that's okay because my daughter can and also he learned it once so he can now."

"HEY DUDE I'M DARK" dark bellowed but in japan it wasちょっと男私は暗い

"私は彼が涼しい男のようにようである日のyagami Cosに話してもいいか。" said Demi madly waving his camera everywhere and accidently filming misa's undies.

"彼は私程に涼しくない… 暗いYAGAMI! 暗いF-CKING YAGAMI! OF SHINIGAMI王!" (_AN: I LOVE HOW THE JAPANEES HAVE THE SAMEWORD FOR F-CK AS AMERICA!) _Dark said in retrun poking himself to make sure it wasn't a dream and also because it felt good.

"わかりました! 私は代りにインタビューする! 実際に涼しい男およびない下肢が不自由でよいクローンであるので"

"ありがとうのbro! 話のアメリカ人を今許可する従ってのぞき見はTVの私達のしかし言うことがわかることができる。" Dark said and then said stuff in English so peeps culd hear him properly on tv.

"Mr Darcus Yagami. Tell me about yourself." Demi said waving the camera around awesome style and playing some death metal like nickleback and stuff to make it more awesome.

"Well I am the smartest dude in America and I own a plane and I sex with chicks a lot and sometimes I like to be in the Olympics which I win because im so good except for that time I had a broken leg but still won."

"Im sorry Ill have to cut you of because THERES A FIRE IN THE CITY!"

"WTF!" screamed day leaping out of the attic! "SOMEONE NEEDS TO SAVE THE DUDES!"

"I'll do it!" dark said after calling the fire department and aking for being aloud to do it.

He got in his car (from paris REMEMBER? I HOPE YOU DO) and vroomed to the fire which was in a apartment tower like on friends and there were fire trucks and hoses and dudes spraying each other. There were lights everywhere and dark got confused and crashed his car but it landed in the fire which was already on fire so nothing happened. Dark got out and looked at the fire. It was bright and also hot and there was some smoke and something had fallen over so dark put it up.

Then he heard something in the top floor! So he ran superspeed like sonic up the stares and they were on fire and fallen down so he had to jump like 20 floors. He saw a door and he knew this one was special cos it was on fire!!!!

He kicked it in and it was a steal door made of steal and gold so it was real hard but it broke and he kicked it in and jumped in. He looked round. The apartment was on fire everywhere and there was fire on the sofa. Something was squeaking for its life! Then dark saw it! Sitting on the window! It was………………………………..A RABBIT!

Dark grabbed the rabbit and jumped out just as the fire reached the gas tank and the whole apartment exploded. He fell like 70 floors but the firefiters all sprayed him real hard and the jets of water slowed him down and also he was on fire so they solved that problem to.

"MY HERO!" screamed a sexy woman who owned the rabbit. "I WILL SEX YOU FOR SAVING HIM!"

"Thank you" said dark and got her number and address except her apartment had just blown up and her phone was in there and it was useless so he had to add her on facebook instead.

"BUT WHO STARTED THE FIRE?" asked soichiro brushing fire off his mustache.

"That is a good question. I will solve it!" dark pondered. "Maybe I will ask that creepy dude If he saw anything. Creepy dudes are good at seeing creepy dude things like fires and he looks like a dam creepy dude or my name isn't Dark Yagami!"

"Yo creepy dude! Give me some skin!" Dark bellowed all friendly like to the creepy dude. The creepy dude fived dark on the hand. "Do you know who started the fire?"

"i think i saw him. it was a chick who was short and fat and hated candies and had long blond hair and small eyes and dint look like L at all."

"I will look out for her! Anything else?"

"a dude called L lives in there but i no for sure that's deffo not why it was set on fire" he replied staring at Dark and looking just like L. "now i need to go back to my job at the burger shop because those burgers wont cook themselves unless they do"

The dude walked away and little did dark know………. HE WAS THE GUY WHO MADE THE FIRE FOR REAL!

Then he worked it out but it was to late.

_SORRY NOT MUCH HAPPENED BUT THE FIRE WAS TO EPIC! MORE STUFF NECKS TIME!_


	27. Chapter 27 The creepy dude HAS A PLAN

_WARNING THIS CHAP HAS A LOT OF SLASHING IN IT COS LIGHT NEEDS TO DO IT TO SAVE AMERCIA_

The buzz went off at L's new house which wasn't in his old tower cos that burned down! In stead he was in a trailer in a trailer park for rich dudes at the top of the biggest skycraper in Lights city.

"WHO THE BUGGERY IS THIS?" watari bellowed into the buzz machine and pressed the buzz button that made the door unlock.

"It's light yagami!" light yagami repled loudly but not to loud incase someone else heard him and new he was kira. "Im here to sex up L and bake cup cakes and im all out of cupcakes which is why I need to bake them!"

"THEN COME ON UP MY FINE FREND!" roared watari. Five seconds later the elevator binged and out jumped Light. He was wearing a silver suit and there was a rose on it and his shirt was painted with pictures of dogs playing cards like the Simpsons Halloween sow. On his head was a hat. It was a nice hat and it had a picture of lights face on it so everyone new who he was.

"hello l" Light screamed glomping the hell out of the waffley big eyed police dude.

"Hi!" replied l macking on light real hard cos they were like boyfs or something. "Lets sex!"

"But I haven't made cupcakes yet!" replied Light panicing and waving his arms around.

So they made pancakes and then they sexed.

Ls bed was made of candies and candy sheets and had candy pillows also made of mashmalos except that L had ate them. Light took off his suit and the other suit underneat which was made of lace and silk and all sexy like girly undies. L took off his cloths too but it was just his borin white tshirt and jeans and not shoes so I wont bother talking about them.

They sexed very hard and made so much nosse that a bunch of pigeons flew away all over the city and some dudes thought it was an earthquake but it wasn't because it was just some noisy sexing and Ls trailer was rocking real hard then it stopped cos they were done.

"I wasn't finished yet!" whined Light.

"That is none of my consern" replied L like the god of war dude but did it again anyway and then they were done.

They lay back and L was smoking a ciggeret cos that's what peeps do after sexing I think.

"Do you have a dad?" Light asked cuddling L.

"I do not because I was left at Watari's house when I was a baby cos hes my gramps and also runs an orphanage which is good I guess!" L said back.

"HE TELLS THE BLOODY TRUTH!" added watari.

"But if you did have a dad what would he be like?"

"He'd probably look just lick me except taller and he would be a creepy dude and also evil for leaving me with my gramps and going of on a round the world mission to become the evilest dude ever. But he dint so it doesn't matter."

"But what if he did?"

"I NEVER FORT OF THAT!" exploding L jumping out of bed so hard he hit his head on the sealing fan. "WE NEED TO GO AND SAVE AMERICA BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!"

**Ten minutes later at the police**

"hello i am L" said a dude at the door. "let me in because I need to solve a crime"

The desk lady opened the door sexily. She was naked because then criminals came to see her naked and then they got arrested.

"You look taller than L" she said naked.

"i am not felling well cos i ate too much candy" he said back and dint look at the naked lady. "anyway i have to go now"

He got up the stars and ran all the way to the secret floor than noone new about except him because he had builded the police station and put an extra floor on the roof. In here was a lab where he made bombs and also icecream for his day job as an icecream dude. Hanging from the sealing screaming in pain was………. MATT!

"okay i saved you from the car crash" the creepy dude said sharpening a samrai sord and sparks went everywhere "now get talking or i will cut bits of you starting with your googles"

"I don't what you want!" scream matt and he wet himself and pee dripped onto the floor really rank style.

"i need your secret death note" the creepy dude replied and stabbed matt in the google. "the next time it will your nose so get talkin"

"I don't have a secret death note!" he screamed and peed even more cos dark had once writted that in the everything note cos he was a dick. "And even if I did which I don't I wont give it to you!"

"yes you do i seen you use it now talk" and he put down the sord and picked up a bigger sord.

"OKAY! I THREW IT IN A VOLCANO SO YOU CANT GET YOUR CREEPY DUDE HANDS ON IT!"

"then i will make a swap" said the creepy dude and he grabed Matt and tied him to a stick and got in his icecream truck and drove slow to the volcano. The icecream truck played the darth vader song as he went.

"NO! NO! NOO! NOOO! NOOOO!" screamed matt as the creepy dude took him to the top bit where the lava is.

"yes" said the creepy dude and lobbed him real hard and matt fell in the volcano and the volcano god took the sacrifise and gave the creepy dude the secret death note. It was a secret death note so it dint have the rules in it and the cover said "NOT EVIL". A secret death note is better than a normal death note cos you can use it and noone will know what it is or what happen.

The creepy dude took out a pen but it was out of ink so he threw in it the volcano and the volcano god gave him a new evil pen that used lava for ink.

He wrote………….. MY SON

_WHO IS THE CREEPY DUDES SON? WHY DOES HE WANT TO KILL HIM? WHAT EVIL THINGYS WILL HE DO WITH THE SECRET DEATH NOTE? ANSERS NEXT TIME! :O :O :O_


	28. Chapter 28 Mad dad sad dad bad dad!

_HEY I WAS AWAY BUT IM BACK NOW. BACK WITH A VENGENCE! AND NACHOS! AND A MOUNTEN DEW EXCEPT I SPILLED IT. SOME PEEPS SAID THERE WASN'T ENOUGH DETECTIVE STUFF SO NOW THERE IS!_

"I've. got. something. Over. beep." said the death note radar. Watari looked at the screen which was all green and spinny and made his face all green and spinny.

"THE F-CKWANKING DEATH NOTE RADAR FOUND A DEATH NOTE!" he screamed hitting the table and making a teapot explode.

"Who used it gramps?" asked L all innocently eating a truck full of Hersy Kisses.

"I DON'T SODDING KNOW YOU BUGGER. IT WAS A SECRET DEATH NOTE!"

Everyone gasped except light's mom cos she didn't know what one was cos she's not seen the show. Then Light told her.

"Flipping crumbles!" she swore. "How the darn it will you find that evil dude?"

"I ALSO DON'T SODDING KNOW YOU BIRD. BUT IT SAYS THE CREEPY BLOKE WROTE 'MY SON' IN IT."

"So it could be anyone? We are doomed! Doooomed! Dooooooomed!" wailed Light like a baby who licked saying "doooooomed".

"Wrong! We know they have a son! That means every dad in the world could have done the creepy but noone else." "said night using her super detective skills.

"There's only one thing to do!" said Day leaping into acton. He went to the tv station and asked to go on the news and they let him cos hes the good twin so he cant be up to evil.

"What's up people!" (GET IT!!!) he said thumbs up and a cheesy grin stuck all over his face. "I have good news and bad news!"

Everyone was excited and watched closely in case it was the lottery and they won. But it wasn't the lottery………. IT WAS DEATH.

"The good news is that we have disovered a new death note and it's a secret death note which is pretty cool I guess. The bad news is that every dad in the world is under arrest."

Every dad in the world went "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" all angry and shocked and scarred and repressed and dancing with unhappy and screaming and ragey and angry and pokey all at the same time except the evil one who just put his fingers together and said "JUST AS PALNNED!"

**AT THE POLICE**

Every dad in the world was a lot of dads so they needed to use the janitors cupboard where he kept the paitn and also some toilet paper as a jail. This made dark sad.

"I AM SAD!" he roared looking sadly at the lock on the door and the desk lady who was naked. "I wanted to sex you but I guess it will have to wait until I SAVE AMERICA!"

"I am sadder" desk lady said and it was true cos she really liked sexing even more than dark cos he was the best sexxer in the world and they said so on tv.

"Desk lady!" said the cop with a afro sprinting in. his afro went everywhere like a machine gun made of hair. "Theres a chick at the desk!"

"THIS IS A JOB FOR DESK LADY!" she said like superman and flew to the desk except she cant fly cos shes just a normal lady so she just walked but did it extra fast. She was naked but it was too impotent for her to get dressed.

"hello i am a chick" said the creepy chick. She had long hair which looked like a wig and a big chest which looked like a soccer ball in her top. "i need to speak to the chief of police about something. there is a cat in a tree or something stupid and only he can help."

"I'm sorry. The chief of police is soichiro yagami and he's Dark's and also lights dad so he got arrested."

"that is a shame. i guess i will stay here and wait until he is released. the cat might be dead by then you know. and noone likes dead cats except for creepy dudes which i am not cos i am a chick."

"A DEAD CAT?" screamed desk lady. She licked cats and they licked her and a dead cat was the saddest type of cat! "I WILL TAKE YOU TO HIM RIGHT NOW!"

She grabbed creepy chick and took her to the janitors cupboard. Dark got all jelous cos he fort they were going to sex.

"hello mister yagami" she said. "i have bad news. an evil dude has put cats in every tree in the city and we need every cop to save them before they blow up."

"OMG!" swore soichiro. "But I am arrested so there is nothing do to. I will have every cop left in the city help you though. That's L Dark Night Light Day and Watari"

"I fort watari was a dad!" screamed desk lady. "Why wasn't he arrested?"

"His son went missing years ago just after L was born."

"that's a damn mystery" said the creepy chick. "i guess if he was still here he would be alive and dressed as a chick or something anyway i need to see L and do things bye"

"That chick was creepy" Desk lady said to Soichiro and then they sexed cos I felt sorry for him cos he culndt sex last time cos he was old but now hes okay.

**IN THE POLICE ROOM**

"I'VE SEARCHED EVERY WANKING TREE IN THE CITY BUT I DINT FIND A CAT!" said watari getting out of the watarimobile.

"damn must have been a mistake sorry for wasting your time"

"No problem creepy chick!" dark said slapping her in the back. The soccer ball fell out of her chest but noone noticed and she stuck it back in. "Glad to help. But now we have a bigger mystery to solve! WHO WILL DIE!"

"it must be a son" night said cos shes real smart and the best detective in America.

"and he must have an evil dad!" said L making himself even smarter and getting back the title.

"That means it must be…" said Dark working things out in his head. "Near!"

Then L died.

_OMGGGGGGG THAT WAS TOO GOOD. NEXT TIME SOMETHING MIGHT HAPPEN._


	29. Chapter 29 The fight! Except no fighting

_IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I POSTED SOZ!!!!! COS OF THAT HAVE A FLASHBACK!_

Watari forgot what was going on so he got his computer. It was like a supercomputer and it had a thousand screens and keyboards in every language and a webcam and a magic thingy that turned off automatically if anyone tried to see Watari watchin his naughty videos. They were british videos.

He went to flashback mode and it told him what happened because he had cameras everywhere even in Naomi's house cos that's where he got the naughty videos.

"PREVIOUSLY ON LIGHT AND DARK ~ THE ADVENTURES OFDARK YAGAMI" said the computer.

"So there was this creepy dude and he did some creepy stuff and Dark got cloned by Light to make his new clone Day who is good and also a dude. The creepy dude got a secret death note and dressed as a chick and killed Mat and went to the city and put some cats in trees and sexed with the desk lady and then L died."

"BUT WHO DID IT?"

"I DON'T BUGGERING KNOW THAT'S WHY I ASKED YOU" watari screamed and punched the computer in the face and all the screens exploded.

**MEANWHILE BACK WHERE THINGS WERE HAPPENING AT THE POLICE STATION IN THE CITY WHERE LIGHT AND DARK LIVED**

"Who killed L?" asked Day poking his head.

"Perhaps the killer was… near (GETIT) " joked Light but noone laughed cos hes no good at jokes. "I HAT ETHAT GUY AND JUST WANT HIS DEATH TO BE NEAR."

"I am suspicious about creepy chick" Dark suspiced and pointed to the chick who was pretending to be a chick. "I have sexed with a lot of chicks and I no what chicks look lick naked"

Light was sad cos the only time he ever saw a girl naked he was blind cos Near had just Blind Noted him so he couldn't see her and that's why Light hated him. And also cos of the time Near tricked Light into death noting Tailer swift who was his favorite singer ever. _(AN: TVTROPES said near"Near never does anything deserving of his kicking" which is a doushy thing to say tvtropes and I hope you read this cos Im fixing that now!)_

"What does a chick look lick naked?" Light asked pretending he already new and it was a retorical question but it wasn't. "I already no but I want to make sure cos I could be wrong and I could of been looking at a duck instead"

"Female women normaly have two chests and Creepy Chick only has one" dark spoke pointing to the football in the creepy chicks top. "That is not right except maybe shes from Canader where these things happen. Creepy chick are you from canader?"

"Yes I am and I eat maple syrup sometimes which did this to me."

"You have my simpathy." Dark returned. "but that was a trick! Chicks from Canader have two chests lick every other dude! YOU ARE AN INPOSTER!"

_(AN: GASP! THIS IS A TWIST GUYS!)_

"NO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!" roared the creepy dude tearing off his chest to show the football.

"YES-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S" roared Dark even louder and tearing off his shirt and his pants and his tie.

They looked at for each other for a minute. Then Dark shouted "Watari! Get the father detector!"

Watari came. He had a machine in his hands that looked like a bomb which scared people but it was actually just a father detector. He stuck the wires to the creepy dudes neck and eyes and butt and the machine went "bip bip bip bip biiiiip bip bip biiiiiiiiiip bip bip" and exploded and then a paper came out. Watari read the paper and shouted "THIS SCOUNDREL IS L QUEENF-CKING DAD!"

"Why the f-cking f-ck did you f-cking kill your f-cking son f-cking?" f-cking Soichiro spat in the guys face holding his head against his like they were going to make out but they weren't cos they were just trying to scare him instead.

Before the creepy dude could answer an asteroid hit him and he died.

L walked into the room holding a death note. "I guess we will never know why he tried to kill me" L lolled and closed the death note and scribbled out what he'd written so none could read it.

"L!" glomped Night all happy. "Your alive!"

"But then whos body is that?" asked Light pointin to the dead body of L which was still lying on the floor where it had been death noted and was starting to smell. He punched a vulture in the face to make it stop eating him.

"Its probably nobody" said L waving like a moron. "Now who wants pizza?!?!?!?"

Everyone liked pizza except for lights mom so they all went to pizza hut except lights mom who stayed to investigat the crime seen.

"This is definitely L!" she said stealing his wallet and looking at his fake id he made so he could drink beer. "But then who was that other L…"

**MEANWHILE AT PIZZA HUT**

Everyone was eating pizza and cheese went everywhere and there was tomato on the walls and it looked lick a shooting in a cheese factory.

L was thinking to himself in the bathroom.

"I hope noone figures out who I am!" he said forcefully to himself. "BECAUSE I AM NOT L! I AM LS BROTHER WHO IS CALLED….. K!"

Noone herd him except near but he had food poison so he dint care.

_MORE NEXT TIME AGAIN!_


	30. Chapter 30 After Night comesTHE DAWN!

_THIS IS THE 30 CHAPTER SO I BEEN WORKING ON IT EXTRA LONG FOR YOU! IT TOOK LIKE A HOLE AFTERNOON TO WRITE SO IT WILL BE GOODER THAN NORMAL!_

It was a rainy day and hot and windy and dark and lights mom was walking down the street and smoking and drinking whisky like a defective dude from an old film. Everything was black and white and gray in bits and all the traffic lights looked the same so cars were crashing everywhere. She knew L was dead and L was not the real L but was another dude (that dude was K but she dint know that yet you guys!). There was only one guy who could work it out… THE BRIANEST DUDE IN THE WORLD.

She went home and every thing was bright and made of colors agan. Dark and Night were there playing Just Course 2 and blowing stuff up and dark made like a million chaos and a helicop caught fire.

"Kiddies!" she shouted running threw the door with a plate of cookies and cartoons of milk for everyone. "That silly L dude is a naughty man! He's not the real L but a fake and I need to work out who! Since you kids are the smartest kids in the whole darn world I want you to find out who!"

"K mom." Dark sed. They were blood banana cookies so he fed them all to Blud and Blud did the happy shinigami dance. "but even us too smartest dudes and also a chick in the world could not work it out on our own!"

"Yeah" night said her hair dying. "Well need to know algeber and photosinthyses and all that other super brainy stuff that dudes like Enstein did."

"Wait! I have……….. an IDEA!" screamed Night jumping up. "COME TO THE CLONING MACHINE BROTHER!" (_AN: SEE THE ORIGIN OF DAY YAGAMI FOR THE DEETS OF THE CLONING MACHINE BUT BASICALLY IT'S A MACHINE THAT MAKES CLONES!_)

Night and Dark both got bits of there DNA out and made them big and put them in the cloning machine. They also put some lion dna in there for stronger.

The machine started and it went faster and faster and faster and there were lights everywhere because the cloning machine was making them from lights dna but then they all died. The machine was going so fast that that a tornado came out and blew the roof off and the sky ripped open and lightening bolts the size of Russia EXPLODED out of the sky and SMASHED The machine and bits went everywhere and they were on fire and nuclear and all the light clones came back to life like frankensteins!

"WHAT THE FUDGECAKES?" screamed lights mom punching one of the clones in the head and the head went pop like a birthday cake being thrown onto the highway and goo went everywhere with bits of brain.

She pulled out two guns but they were safe guns so they only shot nerfs and the nerfs bounced off the zombies and hit other zombies and killed them.

Dark did a clothes line and like twenty lights got hit and their heads went everywhere and bounced like the nerfs. One hit night so she hit with a baseball bat and it killed like a hundred more lights and she got a home run but they came back to life so dark had to punch them all out again because night was just a girl and girls cant kill zombies except some can like in resident evil. But Night cant okay!

All the lights were dead. Then the cloning machine went BEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEWEEEEP and opened and a dude came out! He had claws like a lion and hair like a lion and teeth like a lion but the rest of him was normal except the tail which was also a lion. He was a dude like Dark but he had Nights mowhawk and tattoos.

"Hello!" he roared. "I am the clone of Dark and Night and I am the double smartest dude in the world! And my name is…….. DARKNIGHT YAGAMI (_Get it? It's a joke cos he likes batman!)_!"

"That name is too long. Now you are called Dawn Yagami" sed Dark slapping him in the face for having a stupid name. "Because you will bring a NEW DAWN to our crimefiting!"

"K" said darknight except now hes called Dawn as he got himself some clothes. He wore a suit like james bond and two robot ties that could be tied together to make a sword that could cut anything. His shoes were black and shiny and they had heels that were fishtanks with fish in them so if he was trapped in a box and nothing to eat he could eat the fish.

"Okay! Let's DO! THIS! THING!" he roared like a lion and jumped out the window smashing it even more and landing in the road. He punched open a truck and it was a massive truck and he drove it to the police station in the city!

**MEANWHILE AT WATARI HOUSE IN WALES**

Watari was watchin his naughty films and getting happy. Then K came in. He was holding a laser gun!

"HELLO MY GOOD FRIEND!" watari bellowed turning off the naughty films because they had naked chicks in them. "WHAT BE YOU DOING THIS FINE DAY?"

"I just wanted to give my grandpa a hug!" K said stretching his arms super wide. He had eaten a load of jello and the front of his shirt was all slimey and greasey and covered in bits of jello and sick and it was kind of rank so wateri made him towel himself before he could hug him. Then they hugged but K stuck the laser in wataris back! "DON'T MOVE OR I BLAST YOU TO BITS!"

"WHATEVER YOU SAY YOU CONFOUNDED WANKER!" watari panicked and not moving except to cry from sacredness.

Then K shot him and a laser came out. It went through him and nearly hit K but he was wearing a bullet proof vest.

"NOT AGAIN! BLOODY BUGGER! (_it's what watari says whenever he dies!)_" Watari died on the floor and K drove to the airport and bought an airplane and flew to America.

**AT THE POLICE!**

Dawn wanted to ask creepy dude some questions. She went to the dead room where creepy chick and L were still dead on the floor.

"Hey creepy chick. Why did you you kill L?" then he realised creepy chick was dead and could not answer his quests.

"Dark! I need your royal death note and life note!" Dark gave them to him. He wrote 'creepy chick' but nothing happened cos he needed creepy chicks real name.

"OK! Here goes nothing!" He roared tearing out the pages of the life note and pasting them into the royal death note with paste. A big rainbow blasted out of one side and an antirainbow with all the evil colors like brown and evil yellow explosioned from the other and the rainbows rapped about Dawn and all his blood became magic! He grew like a mushroom in a mushroom farm and then he was shinigami except he was a clone so he became a double-shinigami. One side of him was good and the other evil and they were green and red like traffic lights and the good side had the word good written on him in Japanish. The evil side needed to stay hidden so that said good also.

His fingers turned into pens so he could wenever and kill dudes and also make poems.

He used his pen fingers and wrote……….. "CREEPY CHICK!"

"Wait!" night panted. "Creepy chick is a…. dude!"

"Oh f-ck" said Dawn and then Creepy Dude came to life as a chick. She only had one chest but the rest of her was normal girly bits.

"What happened to my man thing?" screamed creepy chick.

"I accidentally turned you into a chick" said Dawn and the big blob of sweat appeared like in anime.

"Oh okay" said creepy chick. "I always wanted to find out what being a chick is like anyway." She pointed to night. "Let's sex." She said eratically.

"Only if you tell me what is going on!?" gasped Night getting all turned on.

They got naked and sexed for a bit.

"Okay! I WILL EXPLAIN THINGS!"

_I WILL STOP HERE FOR NOW! BECAUSE I HAVE TO WORK OUT WHAT THINGS TO EXPLAIN. I HOPE THIS WAS GOOD THOUGH BECAUSE THERE WAS SEXING __**and **__ACTION! AND ALSO SOMETHING HAPPENED._


	31. Chapter 31 Dark goes on THE INTERNET! :D

_Remember when I said some stuff wud be explained! IT GETS EXPLAINED.... NOW!_

Creepy dude who was now a chick was looking at Night all sexy in a real sexy way cos they had just sexed. She was wearing a dress with pictures of ducks on it because it was all she could find at the police station and she dint want to be naked everywhere in case someone saw.

"Okay so heres the deets!" she said. "I'm Ls dad except now I'm his mom. I had to give him up cos hes the super brainy dude and i'm just a regular brainy dude who looks just like him and sells burgers and I couldnt provide a consturctive home envirnment for him to grow up in so I sent him to live with his gramps who is my dad and is a super britishy dude and has a mustache and drinks cups of tea."

"Woah slow down Eynsteen!" Night said. "Who killed you? Just explain that kthx."

"I Was killed by my OTHER SON WHO IS EVEN EVILLER THAN ME! AND HIS NAME IS..................... Khaos! And his nickname is K!"

Night shot creepy chick in the face with a crossbow.

"Kthx" She had to kill him so the police could find a body.

**MEANWHILE AT THE KHAOS KRIB**

Khaos was eatin breakfast and he had a bowl of special k cos thats his name! His kitchen was super high tech and there was a robot mom called Kaley who made his breakfast.

"BEEP WOULD YOU LIKE SUM OATMEAL?" Kaley said and a bunch of lights shined when she talked.

"No cos that stuff tastes like f-ck" K spat in her face and windshield wipers wiped it off.

"OK I WILL MAKE YOU A BACON CAKE"

"Thats more like it" K said. Suddenly a bunch of red lights went red and the sirens went off and doors everywhere locked like NERVE everytime an angel comes.

"Oh no! The Name Alarm! SOMEONE HAS REVEALED MY _**TRUE NAME**_."

A hole opened in the floor and a pole came out he jumped in it like batman. He zoomed down it really fast and landed on a rat.

"Sorry my ratty friend" He said and life noted it back to life. It was his best friend and it had a human brain except he had to cut it down to fit in the rat head which made it even stupider than a normal rat so that wasnt a good idea.

He ran to his computer. It was a supercomputer and hed taken the hard drive out and put a death note in its place so when he typed someones name they died so he couldnt use facebook cos he kept killing dudes by mistake.

The screen was all flashy and everything was zooming around and there was a big picture of Night that hed taken with his Katellite. It was like a normal satellite but it videoed everyone in the world so he could know when someone said Khaos.

"IT IS NIGHT YAGAMI?" Khaos screamed. He typed Night into his Death Computer but she dint die!

"WTF WHY IS THIS?" He screamed. Then he realised SHE WAS A CLONE. "DAMN! That means I need her REAL NAME! Computer who was she cloned from?"

"BEEP BEEP BEEEP BEEEEEEP BEEP." The computer said which is like Dark Yagami in computerish.

"THEN I WILL KILL THIS DARK YAGAMI DUDE!"

He started to type....... DARK YAGAMI!

**ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD**

Dark was in his room with Light. They were both sexing but with chicks not each other! Then light's gf realised dark was better so she went and sexed with dark and light was all sad and alone.

"F-ck I wish that handsome twin of mine was dead!"

Then Dark died!

"NOOOOOOOOOOO I WAS ONLY JOKING!"

Light got a life note and life noted Dark back to life but every time he did Dark got death noted again and Khaos could death note him faster cos he had copy and paste.

"NIGHT! COME QUICK!" but night was dead too! And so was Day! And Dawn! EVERYONE WHO HAD DARK'S DNA DIED!

Light ran to his hologram machine and turned it on. There was a hologram of Dark in it for emergencies (_AN: I SAW IROBOT THE OTHER DAY. ITS GOT THIS HOLOGRAM OF DEAD DUDE SO ITS LIKE THAT K?_)

The hologram was all blue and sparky.

"Hello. I am Dark's hologram and my name is Dusk Yagami (_DUSK MEANS LIKE SUNSET BUT NOT QUITE LIKE TWILIGHT_) and I have no DNA cos I am a robot which is why I am not dead."

"Dusk I need you to SOLVE A MURDER" Light said and pointed at the dead body and the sad chicks crying on it.

"Okay but first I will finish sexing up the sad chicks" Dust said and he made the chicks happy again and sent them on there way. "OK. I think I know who did this. Come with me!" Dust said,

He clicked his fingers and Light turned into a hologram and now Lights name was Shadow cos he was a hologram.

"We must go to the internet!" They jumped through the wires and had to dodge a bunch of music and pictures of naked ladies that Soichiro was downloading. One hit Shadow and then he had to sing Bad Romance.

"Gah gah gah gah gah gah gah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bad romance! I just love some bad romance!" Dust sang along cos he liked the song. Then they came out of the wire and landed in a massive city made of 1s and 0s and a bunch of other numbers too and some japanish letters like the matrix.

"OKAY! THIS IS.... THE INTERNET!" He pointed to a black hole on the other side of the city. "That leads to the evil side of the internet AND THAT IS WHERE WE NEED TO GO because THAT IS WHERE THE COMPUTER DEATH NOTES ARE."

Dust downloaded a bus and a nascar and then smooshed them together to make the NASBUS. It was the fastest bus ever and had a nuclear for an engine and another nuclear for the headlights which were so bright that it set the road on fire.

LET'S GO!

Dark slammed down on the gas except it wasn't gas but nuclear so he slammed down on the nuclear. The bus went so fast that everyones clothes burned off as it drove past. Agent Smith tried to stop them but even he couldnt keep up and he was just left in the dust shouting I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME MR ANDERSON.

They crashed into a skyscraper and luckily it was made of computer numbers so the numbers sprayed everywhere and people had to jump out of the way but noone was hurt. Then they smashed through facebook and killed all the animals on near's farmville and did wheelies and donuts in his fields.

Soon they got to the black hole and drove through. Then they were in Khaos Krib!

"Now.... we..... FIGHT!" Dusk said grabbing a taser.

_This was dramatic alright? IDK! Maybe they should have spent longer on the internet? TELL ME IN A REVIEW!_

_Also **I HAVE A TWITTER NOW! **My username is **RealDarkYagami **cos there was a fake!__  
_


	32. Chapter 32 The end is NOT near! GET TIT?

_This chap is based on a film I saw! _

Dusk got out a machine gun and a rocket gun and splooshed them together to make a machine bakooka and a load of rockets came out. They had nuclears in them and everything in a million miles went bang like dragonballz! They were in the desert now and floating in the sky. A car was on fire and there was some burned hotdogs on the floor and some one had stepped on them so they were all squished now and a dog ate them

"THAT WAS MY TRUE POWER" dust roared punching Khoas so hard in the face that his hand broke and smooshed up into jello.

Khaos spat out some blood and also his gum and laughed like mad dude who was mad. He ripped apart his clothes and he was all ripped and his blood had been replaced by lightning so it zapped and buzzed under his skin like a xmas tree! He did some rips and they were so big that a mountain exploded.

"But my power is TRUER!" he bellowed. He was so loud that his shout ripped all his tooths out and he had to pick them up again.

They started punching and kicking and slapping and stabbing and elboeing and nookying and shooting and guting and boning each other really hard. Shadow joined in the fight too but he was too weak and khaos pinched him and he exploded.

"NO MY ONE WEAKNESS" shouted shadow even though he had lots of weakness cos hes a weak guy but wanted to seem badass.

"NOW HE IS OUT OF THE WAY I CAN REVEAL MY EVEN STRONGER POWER" dust screamed and he killed khoas.

**THE NEXT WEEK**

They were at khoas funeral. Everyone had been lifenoted back to live even Near.

"THIS IS A GOOD FUNERAL" screeched near playing with a bunch of something stupid like bionkles or something. "I LIKE IT COS HIS COFFIN IS MADE OF LEGOS" near was all fat now cos of debu note! (_AN: Japanish for fat note! See my twitter for the deets cos theres a video and it's a real thing not just a thing I made up like most stuff!)_

Dark had taken the death note hard dis out the computers of khoas and put it in his I pad (_AN Dark has an I pad cos hes a cool dude! I want one but my dads a lameeeeeee guy and got me a bike instead which suckkkkks)_. This made it into a Death pad! It can kill dudes by phoning them.

Dusk lived in the Deathpad with Shadow and there was a hologram machine in it cos it was a magic Death pad so they begcame real peeps. Dust had a mustach so he looked not like Dark and Shadow had earings and a red face thingy like siklops from xmen cos he had laser eyes.

They buried khaos and the girl from the bus was real sad cos she sexed with him that one time but noone else did. Then they had a party.

**NOTHING HAPPENED FOR A BIT GUYS! THEY CANT ALWAYS HAVE AN EXITING LIVE SO IM SKIPPING LIKE A YEAR COS ALL THEY DID WAS GO TO SCHOOL AND KIRA DUDES AND THIS ONE TIME SOICHIRO HAD AN AFFAIR WITH THE DESK LADY AND LIGHTS MOM WAS REAL SAD SO SHE CHEETED ON HIM WITH WATARI AND NOW THERE EVEN**

"I'm gonna school mom!" light giggled as he went out the door to get the bus.

"Bye my sun!" lights mom said back passing him his lunch bag which was full of icky stuff like tuner sandwiches and normal bananas which were not made of blood. "Bleeding heck Darko!" she swore. "Your going to be late!"

"nah man I don't need to go to school cos they said that I was too smart and I was confusing the other kids so they pay me to stay home" dark replied. He was playing on moden warfare 3 which is a game they have in the future and its like the normal game but with laser guns.

"Blimy! I dint know you were such a brainy dude! I would not make you do the lawndry if I knew!" she kissed him in a mommy way and went to do his lawndry for him and clean his room.

Night was upstairs and she was building……. SOMETHING!

"What you building sis?" dawn said galyvanting in the room.

"I am making a new machine that will be like a time machine"

"So we can time travel!" he said all excited style.

"No cos its not actually a tim machine you numnut. This machine will time travel you into peeps dreams instead like the 13th of Friday!"

"**okay"**

**MEANWHILE AT SCHOOL**

"Tody we will be leaning about chemicles" lights teacher bored boringly.

"Are they the cool chemicles cos I want to learn how to make a bum!"

"No we will just learn about boring chemicals lik water and gas."

"Maaaaaaaaaaan"

"OH BOY I CANT WAIT TO LEARN ABOUT GAS BECAUSE IT IS A USEFUL CHEMICLE THAT OUR LIVES ARE BUILT ON AND ARE USED IN FACTORYS AND STUFF" near shrieks really boringly and toled everyone about the gassiness of it and it was so boring you would not believe it you guys. Light got really bored and fell asleep.

**In lights dreams**

He was sexing with misa but they were on a train cos it was a dream. Everything whooshed real fast and it was over and they got of the train.

"That was real good misa I wish you wern a lesbian now"

"I am vicarious rememer? It would be creepy sexing you and your sis but we could work something out" she winked and they sexed again and now the girl from the bus was there and it was a threesome.

"I dint know you were a visexual also" light screamed.

"You made me into one with your everything note remember!" the girl with the bus said (_AN I forgot to writ this but it happened in chap 7 during the sevensome OK! SHEESH_)

WooO! Said light and then they found themselves in a crazy dream castle made of sharks and there was a table covered in beds so they sexed again.

This time he dreamed khoas was watching. Then he realised it wasn't a dream! Or it was! But khoas wasn't a dream! He was real in lights dream! AND HE HAD A ROPE.

**WAKE UP**

Light woke up and laughed real loud.

"Care to explain what was so fun mr light melvil yagami?" light teacher droned.

"YEAH TELL US YOU DOOSH" near added cos he was teachers pet.

"Sorry teach I just dreamed I sexed with my two x girlfrens who is a lesbian now"

"Oh okay. Now as I was saying about gas…"

"INPART TO ME YOUR NOLIGE OF GAS!" near screamed bashing his legos on the table.

"Heh he heh ha! Little do they know I have kidnapped light…. IN HIS OWN DREAM BY TIEING HIM UP WITH ROPE IN HIS DREAMS AND NOW I AM IN CONTROL!" shouted……. You'll have to find out next time!

_SORRY GUYS I JUST LOVE CLIFFHANGERS SOZ!_

_DON'T FORGET MY TWITTER REALDARKYAGAMI!_


	33. Chapter 33 Soichiro goes to McDs!

_AN HEY DUDES. Im back! This chap was going to have a time machine but they are to gross so theres a magic back to the future 3 train instead_

__A train full of nuclears and chemicals and bombs and lions zoomed towards lights city at like the speed of lightening but that's not important right now it will come back later! So don't forget the train ok?__

__**MEANWHILE IN SCHOOL**__

__It was recess and Light (WHO IS ACTUAL DREAM KAHOS IN HIS BRAIN WITH A ROPE) went to get some lunch. He went to the caferterier and got some mash potatos and some hotdogs. He got a lot of mash potatos cos he said he was hungry but what he actly did was take them in the bathroom and make a model of himself OUT OF PROTATOS!__

__He taked of all his cloths and put them on the potato light and sent potato light back to class in his place. Then he ate the hotdogs cos he was hungry. He used his hate to cover his man thing and jumped out of the window. It was a big fall cos he went to a dead posh private school where all the teaches sounded british and they played polo and badminton and posh baseball with two bases like the british play. luckily he landed in the moat.__

__He got out and said "I NEED TO DO SOMETHING"__

__**AT THE POLICE**__

__Soichiro was bored cos he had nothing to do. He played mineweeper and got a high and then he went to macdonalds and ate a burger but there was still nothing to do cos everyone was scared of kira and dint do a crime.__

_"_Man I wish I could catch that kira dude" Soichiro cried into his Mcfish Mcsandwich. "Then there would be crimes and dudes dying and stealing cars and shit and I wouldnot be bored. F-CK THAT DOOSHBAG KIRA."__

__He was chomping down some Mcfries when light came in in except it wasn't light of course cos it was khaos with his rope.__

_"_Light my son" Soichiro said spitting chewed up fries everywhere and it was dead gross and one hit a window. "Why are you naked?"__

_"_Cos its to hot today"__

_"_No its not it's a blizzard (_AN I mean in the fic I know its not in real life cos its summer! And its all sunny and like a hunded degrees but I am a writer! And writers are allowed to make stuff up like the whether sometimes_)"__

_"_Ok I lied its cos I was sexing a lady in the alley behind mcdonalds."__

__Soichiro smiled the biggest smile in his life and he looked the joker but with no makeup and a mustache that was full of mcfish and mcflurry.__

_"_You are an awesome son now! Not a lame-o like you used to be!"__

_"_Thanks dad!" Khoas replied. "You are the bestest dad a dude could have!" They hugged supertight and everyone in mcdonalds looked and cheered. "Dad I have a question for you."__

_"_Shoot! BUT NOT LITERALLY IT'S A JOKE" and they both laughed.__

_"_If I wanted to buy the world how much would it cost."__

_"_A lot of money." SOichiro's face went all grumpy. "Like a trillion dollars! plus tax!"__

_"_. That's a lot of money!"__

__They laughed again. Then a dude sitting next to them stuffing a big mac down his mouth and smooshing special suace all over his nose got up. He was wearing a time suit like TIOSEAFJ (the time shinigami of William shakespeer remember!)__

_"_I am a time banker and I listened to what you said. Did you know that money cost less in the past?"__

_"_NO!"__

_"_It did! The world might cost a tillion dollars toady but in shakespeers day you could by it for a dime cos there were ony ten pennys in the hole world!"__

_"_OMG!"__

_"_But don't trie it cos the time police watch all the time machines in the world so noone can do it."__

_"_All the tim machines?" light asked getting all up in the bank dudes grill.__

_"_Except for time trains cos they don't watch them for some reason."__

_"_Okay I will hijack a time train. See you later dad!"__

__He waved and ran out the store and then ran back to grab his hat so he could hide his man thing.__

__**ON THE TRAIN**__

__The train landed at the station and a dude came out to unload it. He had a fake beard an a fake mustache and a fake glasses and a fake wig and a dress so dudes would think he was a chick. Then he punched the driver in the face.__

__He taked off his mustache. It was….. LIGHTS MOM__

__Just kidding!__

__It actually was….. MELLO!__

_"_Tim to teach those f-cking dooshes a lesson!" he said and pressed the time button and looked at his watch. It said THE FUTURE.__

__**AT THE STATION**__

_"_Where is train!" khaos said madly jumping up and down on his hat.__

_"_It just got hijacked" said the station dude__

_"_F-CK! I WANTED TO HIJACK IT FIRST!"__

_"_Aint that the way!" laughed the station dude and got back to doing his station dudely things like driving trains.__

__**MEANWHILE IN THE FUTURE**__

__Mello went to a museum. It was a future museum so it wasn't about the past. Instead it was called _THE PRESENT DAY MUSEUM 2010_. __

_"_F-CK! I DID NOT GO FAR ENOUGH!" and mello got in the train and went to the future future.__

__**IN THE FUTURE FUTURE**__

__Near went to the museum again. Now it was called _THE FUTURE MUSEUM_ and there were lasers everywhere and a robot.__

__Mello went inside and went to the bookstore and got a book called "HOW DARK YAGAMI GOT KILLED BY MELLO".__

_"_This should give me some ideas…"__

__Then he went to the other bit of the museum and stole all there laser grenades.__

__He went back to the train and opened the door.__

_"_Hello…."__

__IT WAS KHAOS! AND HE HAD A SLEEPING PILL! AND HE STUFFED IT DOWN MELLOS NOSE! AND MELLO FELL ASLEEP!__

__**In mellos dream**__

__Mello dreamed he was in his underpants in the street and noone noticed but he was dead scared in case they did and saw his man thing. Then he bought a castle and sexed with a sexy princess.__

_"_That was good sexing" he said after tipping a billion tones of chocolate into his mouth and crunching it up with a crunch. Then he looked at the princess. SHE WAS KHAOS! AND SHE HAD A ROPE!__

__**Out of the dream.**__

_"_NOW I HAVE TWO BODIES AND A TIME TRAIN AND A BUNCH OF LASER GRANADES AND A BOOK! _**I AM UNSTOPPABLEEEEEEEEEEEEE**_!"__

__He got in the train and said "Next stop… SHAKESPEERS DAY!"__

_WOW! THAT WAS EVEN MORE AWESOME THAN I FORT IT WOULD BE! CHECK IT OUT NEXT TIME!_


	34. Chapter 34 Sexiest yet MAYBE TOO HOT!

_THIS CHAP HAS MORE SEXING THAN ANY BEFORE! SO WATCH OUT COS IT MIGHT BE TOO HOT AND I DON'T WANT TO GIVE PEEPS HART ATTACKS COS IM NOT KIRA OR AM I? {;-P-/-=_

_DUDES KEEP TELLING ME THERE SHUD BE A VAMPIRE CALLED TWILIGHT YAGAMI_. _IS THIS A GOOD IDEA? WHAT DO __**YOUUU**__ THINK?_

The train landed on shakespeers day and noone new what trains were then so they fort it was a dragon. A police man came along with a sword.

"Hello hello hello hello!" he said like a british cop which he was. "Whats arl this here then?"

He stabbed the dragon but it wasn't a dragon but a train so nothing happened.

Khaos got out and he had two bodies they were light and mello and they were wering roman hats to fit in.

"Good afternoon dear gentleman." Light said being controlled by Khaos.

"Good afternoon" mello said also being controlled by khaos.

"TAKE US TO KING SHAKESPEER!" they both roared together and waved some sticks around to scare people and it worked and everyone was scarred by the sticks except one dude who was blind.

**AT THE CASTLE**

There were hundreds of naked ladies everyweher like an army but they weren't fighting they were sexing it up so hard that the walls had to be made of diamond to stop them braking from all the nonstop sexing smashing against them so hard. Khaos watched for ages and got so turned on by all the sexing that he made light and mello sex. Once all the sexing was done he went to the room with the big chair made of gold that SHAKESPEER HIMSELF WAS ON.

"Saltations my subjects" shakespeer said saluting light and Mello. "What dust bring thou to thine castleation this finest of daynesses?"

"I have an evil thing to say to you" grinned light….

**MEANWHILE AT THE POLICE STATION IN THE FUTURE WHICH IS ACTUALLY THE PRESENT DAY BUT NOT TO KHOAS!**

Soichiro was looking in all the jail sells. There loads of evil dudes in them! Some of them had tats and some dint. Then he saw nothing! There was nobody in khaos sell!

"QUICK YOU F-CKING M-THERF-CKING F-CK!" soichiro shouted into his phone so hard that the satellite exploded and bits of it caught fire and landed on earth and blew up Seatle and Moscow. "GET ME MY DORTER….. NIGHT F-CKING YAGF-CKINGGAMI"

So they did.

**AT LIGHTS HOUSE EXCEPT HE WASN'T THERE (WARNING! THIS BIT IS SUPPER GRAFIC! IF YOU HAVE A WEEK HART THEN SKIP TO THE BIT THAT SAYS IN THE PAST AGAIN COS OTHERWISE YOU WILL GET TOO TURNED ON AND DIE! SOZ!)**

"Yo dad!" day yagami wacked. "hit some sick rimes at me"

"I DON'T HAVE F-CKING TIME FOR YOUR YOUNG F-CKING CRAZY DUDE SPEAK! KHAOS HAS GONE!"

Night spat out her mountain dew all over the Day.

"What did you say?" she screamed punching day out and taking the phone cos it was faster.

"THERE IS ONLY ONE PERSON WHO CAN SAVE THE DAY! CREEPY CHICK…. BUT YOU SHOT HER!"

"Yes I have to go now thank you for telling me these interesting facts father" she hung up the phone and sprinted as fast as she could to her room which wasn't very fast because she knocked over a chair and stood on the cat.

(_AN Night shot Creepy Chick with a crossbow so everyone fort she was dead but really shed let creepy chick escape! I KNOW IT'S A GOOD TWIST! So now they are livin together as lesbeans under nights bed_)

Night burst into her room and jumped under her bed.

"Hey my lover" creepy chick giggled and she was topless so night could see her chest and touched it.

"Hi! What do you no about Khaos?"

"Khaos is an evil dude and his plan is go back to the past and buy the world. BUT THAT'S NOT HIS REAL PLAN"

"Oh?"

"You see….. …. . I have… … A SECRET! Come with me!"

Creepy chick grabbed nights hand and pulled her out of her room across the corridor thing to sayus room!

They jumped in!

"What are you doin! We trying to sex here!" sayu squeaked nakedly like a mouse that wasn't wearing any cloths.

"We have come to join you!" creepy chick said takin her top off. "Only if all three of you sex with me will I be able to stop the REAL plan of khaos…. Or should I say…. Khaos Watari Jr!"

They all gasped! If that was his name things were worst than they fort! They had to sex FOR THE FUTURE.

"You see I have a secret power… I can timetravel but only if I do lots of sexing!"

They all nodded.

"Let's doooooo itttttt"

They all got naked and jumped on the bed and sexed really hard. They were the four best sexers on the planet (except dark who was better but also a dude and these peeps were not interested no matter how sexy dark was cos he was a dude not a chick!) and before long a black hole of sexing formed cos it was so hot and they were touching each other and stuff and they got sucked into the black hole TO THE PAST.

**IN THE PAST AGAIN**

There were four ladies sexing behind shakespeer and they looked just like s'a~y-u and misa and Night and creepy Chick but khaos has never seen them so he dint know that (_AN: He seen creepy dude before but now hes a chick ok!_)

"Shakespeer! Give up your crown or I will shoot with the same laser gun I used to kill my FATHER WATARI WHO IS YOUR GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GRANDSON!"

"I say!" said shakespeer. He got so angry he started to talk in pomes.

"_You cant shootest me with an gun_

_It would not be very fun_

_I will call the gard to stop you_

_They will all stab you_

_With there knives_

_And then you will not have any lives_!"

But the poem was too long and by the time he got to the end he was dead.

"NOW I AM THE KING OF ALL ENGLAND….." shouted khaos "AN BECAUSE THIS BEFORE THE DECORATION OF INDEPENENTS I AM KING OF THE WHOLE WORLD!"

"Wait!" shouted creepy chick.

"GASP!" shouted khoas!

**TO BE CONTINUED? THE ANSWER IS STILL….. YES!**


	35. Chapter 35 Really Chatper 32 but new!

_Hey guys I didn't writ in a while cos khaos was TOO STRONG and NOT EVEN DARK YAGAMI WHO IS THE STRONGEST DUDE IN AMERICA could beat him so im gonna RESET THE STORY LIKE A MOFFO! Also there will be twilight yagami cos you asked for him or maybe not you but some peeps did but he wont be here yet!_

Dark found a reset note and writ in it "Go back to when khaos was in light's dreams like the Freddie dude". He went back in time and cut the rope so now khaos didn't have his magic rope that was made from dragon fur for extra magic and he was weak!

He was dead and everyone was happy. Even near was so happy he stopped being a TOTAL F-CKING JERK ALL THE TIME GOD.

So anyway all that happened. **MEANWHILE AT LS OFFICE IN THE POLICE BUILDING **he was doin his taxes and shaving and other boring grown up things. Watari stuck his head through the door really hard and it broke the door and bits of door explintered everywhere and some flew out the window and landed on peeps and killed them but watari worked for the police so he was allowed to kill all the dudes he wanted cos he had a lisense to kill like that james bond dude.

"NOW THAT ALL THE GOSHDARNED SUPPERVILLAINS ARE DEAD WE SHOULD GET ROUND TO SODDING (AN British 4 stopping!) THAT DARK DUDE AND HIS MOTHF-CKING FAMILY."

L spat out his fondoo.

"Arrest the yagamis! THeyr the strongest dudes and ladies in the city except lights mom who can bake a mean brownie and also dusk yagami cos hes a holograph not a real dude."

Watari shook his finger in that creepy way that means "I no more than you and im a sneaky dude".

"THAT IS WHY WE NEED THE OLD BUGGERING TEAM BACK TOGETHER."

Ls eyes opened wider than theyd ever opened before which was already so wide and it was so wide that they nearly fell out and he had to push them back in.

"The team!"?

(AN If this was a movie lick the ateam or saw or that meatballs film then thered be some music now like crazy happy and dancy and stuff but its not so theres not)

They went to Hal linders house. It was all boarded up and empty cos this was a disguise cos he lived next door except that was a double disguise cos he actually lived here.

Watari rang the doorbell which was actually one of those big windy pianos from church.

Hal opened the door and he looked rough cos he forgot to shave and also he wasn't dressed.

"WE NEED TO GETTHE OLD BUGGERING TEAM BACK TOGETHER TO KILL THE YAGAMI FAMILY" watari bellowed.

Hal nodded all manly. He grabbed all his machine guns from behind the door where he hid them safe from evil dudes.

"Ill be right on it." He took some shades out like that law and order guy. "In fact you could say… Ill be quick as a shot" and he screamed "YEAH" and put them on. "Cybertakada! We need to KILL DUDES"

Cybertakada came to the door. She was also naked but she had robot arms to replace the ones that died so she wouldn't be as sexy except they were sexy robot arms painted pink so they were.

"I thought you where dead cybertakada!" L gapped.

"No that was reguar takada. When I got deathnoted by a mysterious but hansom stranger hal remade me as a robot. I am just like regular takada except my chests are bigger for bulletproof."

"AWESOME!" L squeaked "NOW LETS GET MORE TEAM PEOPLE"

So they got in Wataris police helicopter (REMEMBER FROM WHEN THEY SHOT MIKAMI AND ALSO WHEN THEY WENT TO THE YOTSUBA TOWER) and zoomed faster than a machine gun to Watari House in wales.

All the kiddies were shocked cos it was the first time they ever saw a helicopter cos it was England and they don't have helicopters there except the queen.

L got out of the helicopter and he was trying really hard not to open his eyes too much so he wasn't a scary dude to all the kiddies.

"Hey kids which are the brainest of you?"

A snappy dude with shark hair and a leather jacket and a load of grease stepped forward on his motorbike.

"that's me daddio" he said. He was so cool when he said it that a girl threw her body at him and made out for a bit until he got bored. He combed his hair lick a cool dude and that made even more girls make out. "I am C and that stands for Cool Dude."

"you are very cool but how brainy are you?" L said biting his finger while thinking.

"I just did a division in my head and also I just writ romeo and Juliet in my head too."

"Ok ay you are brainy. Anyone else?"

A girl stepped out and L laughed dead loud. "Why is there a girl at my watari house?" he said extremely scared.

"I am the smartest chick here she said putting her hands on her hips." She looked just like the drummer chick from that scot pilgrim film but she was skinnier and taller and her voice was lick an angel from a really posh bit of England like London or Liverpool where beetles came from. She was wearing a red short skirt that dint cover her upper leg bits with pictures of dogs and cats chasing each other on it and a bra. "I can do three divisions in my head and I just writ all the harry potter books from memory in my diary. My name is S and that stands for smart or sexy or also samanther"

"OMG that is very brainy" L said thinky. "Ok I will take samanther cos she is superbrain and C cos he is a dude."

Samanther did the finger thing for peace like they do in anime when girls are happy and they all got in the helicopter and L flew to the last house. They landed in the garden and squashed a mouse so C brings it back to live by punching it with his fists of holy.

"Whose house is this gramps?" L asked eating some flowers cos he was hungry and they were chocolate flowers.

WAtari tapped his nose and did the creepy finger thing again and his eyes went wild. "YOU'LL SEE MY CHAP YOU'll SEE."

He pressed the doorbell and it sounded like a train horn exploding in a graveyard full of wolves. It was scary.

Someone opened the door.

It was…. RAY PEMBER.

"WE NEED TO GET THE OLD BUGGERING TEAM BACK TOGETHER TO AARREST THE YAGAMI FAMILY" watari bellowed again.

_TO BE CONTINUED FOR REAL THIS TIME_

_FOLLOW REALDARKYAGAMI ON TWITTER FOR THE LATEST DEETS!_


	36. Chapter 33 GETTING REDY FOR THE FIIIIGHT

"LETS HIT THE DECK" roared ray pember dancing to the helicopter.

"HOLD ON A BLEEDING SECOND!" watari shrilled. "HOW MANY GUNS DO YOU HAVE?"

"Five" said ray and he did a gun show to the crowd.

"THAT IS NOT SODDING ENOUGH WIZARDLY GUNS! YOU WILL NEED LIKE FIVE HUNDRED TO HAVE ANY HOP OF OUTWITTING THE BASTARDLY YAGAMIS!"

Then C pulled down his pants. Everyone was shocked but then he took some special transformer guns from his special place and then they weren't shocked cos they new why he done it now! They got big when he showed them to people.

"I have all the guns you need bros"

"SODDING GREAT! LETS GO!" watari said and they all ran to the chopper but then they remembered that you aren't aloud to take guns on planes so they had to get a taxi to the yagami house instead.

**INSIDE THE HOUSE**

A bunch of red lights went red and the loud noises from the speakers and all the steel doors which were bulletproof. Bulletproof locked

"What the blinking heck was that?" lights mom said looking at the door mixing a load of cookie doh and baking a chicken and frying some fries and doing a vacuum. She poked it and nothing happened cos it was bulletproof and lights mom's fingers were weaker than bullets because everyones fingers are weaker than bullets except for cybertakada cos she has robot arms so she can punch them!

Night said "that is my emergency alarm! It looks up the house and turns on lasers when it sees evil dudes coming and makes guns appear and turns the house into a robot fort!" She jumped into the vents. "I NEED TO GO TO MY ROOM"

She went to her room. Sayu and Misa were there and they were naked and embraced cos they were sexing in nights room when the emergency went and a bunch of lights red and the steel doors locked them in the room!

"Oh you guys" Night said all broishly and slapped them on the back and let them go back to sexing except they couldn't cos the red lights spoiled the mood and it was too loud.

"What is this?" misa asked doing the scared dance. Her chest was very bouncy and bounced a lot when she did it and it was dead hot cos bouncy chests are meant to be hot! and sayu got all turned on again which was bad cos this wasn't time for sexing ! THIS WAS TIME FOR WAR.

"That is my emergency alarm!" night said and then said a bunch of stuff she already said to her mom so you dunt need to hear it. "We need to shack up and prepair for the battle of our lives!"

The three girls grabbed death notes and life notes and sex notes for later and swords and got ready!

In darks room he was getting changed into his battle outfit and light was watching BUT ONLY COS HE WANTED TO SEE HOW MUSSELLY DARK WAS SO HE COULD WORK OUT AND BE AS MUSSELLY!

"I am not gay" Darksaid because the readers at home might think so other ways. He pulled on a robot suit like the girl dude from metroid but took it off cos it was too small. Instead he put on a t shirt and jeans but they were made of titanum.

Light put on a james bond suit with a homer simpson tie and dawn put on the robot metroid suit and covered it in knifes and day put on a hat. It had a camera in it so he could film everything and sell it to the president of Hollywood and get rich!

Everyone (except soichrio and lights mom cos they don't know about the crazy shit like robots and death notes there kids get up to!) ran threw the vents to nights room where she turned on her million inch HD tv. She zoomed in on the taxi which was racing towards them on the freeway and zooming around other cars and bunping them off the roads and there were miles of fires behind them from the crashes.

She zoomed in closer twiddling some nobs. L was in the car! And watari! And Ray! And a cool dude! And another chick she dint know but was sexy (and it was S)! And hal linder! And Cybertakada! And Near was driving (the taxi was actually his nuclear NASCAR from Paris remember!)

"THE TEAM IS BACK TOGETHER!" night screamed! Her mowhawk went on end from scared.

"This is the worst thing that could happen!" light squealed like a little girl.

"Actually the worst thing that could happen was if I was eaten by a lion but this is still pretty bad" dark said wisely.

"Should we bring out… ….. the secret weapon?"

"Hmm" dawn said cumbersomely. "The secret weapon is pretty damn secret. In fact it is so secret I forgot wat it was."

"COME TO MY LAB!" night said and then she remembered she was already there. She pointed to an sciency looking thing in the corner of the room. It was like a giant icebox made of gold and covered in computers and there was smoke coming off it but it was the cold smoke that ice makes.

"What the f-ck is that ?" asked day.

"It is obviously a freezer for freezing DNA vampires!" dark swore cos he was so smart and worked it out because there was a sign. "What are you a f-cking idiot! You are a disgusting disgrace of a moron clone!"

Day was kinda sad. To cheer him up light gave him a hug and dark called them both gay and laughed which was a bit mean really.

"Ok this is serious so i will summon our secret weapon! THE VAMPIRE CLONE OF DARK YAGAMI AND HIS NAME SHALL BE…. TWILIGHT YAGAMI!" (_GET IT! Some dudes in the reviews made it up so good job guys! It was clever cos twilight is a thing and there is a vampire and they are named after dawn and stuff!_)

The door of the ice box opened! There was a load of ice so night got her flameflower and melted it. Inside was a vampire! He had fangs like samrai swords and robot skin but it wasn't shiny cos those vampires are lame. His eyes jumped open and inside they made of blood! He burst out of the tank and began BREAKING DAWN! (GET IT!) by which I mean he bit dawn and his blood went everywhere so he drank it cos he was a vampire.

"Where did you get him he is very hansom!" dark said but only because he was a clone of him HES NOT GAY.

"He is a clone! He is 50% you and 50%... BLUD."

Dark grinned so evilly that any kiddies who looked at him would have died from a heart attack like a death note!

"PERFECT!"


	37. Chapter 34 a NUCLEAR shodown!

_HEY GUYS.I TIRED TO DO A NANOWRIMO THING BUT IT WAS HARD SO HERE IS SOME FIC._

Blud watched the action unfold from his sky bass in the sky. Down on earth things were HOTTING UP cos of the action that was about to happen and also it was summer (AN: I KNOW ITS ACTUALLY WINTER GUYS BUT IN THE FIC ITS SUMMER OK?) and moms and dads and kiddies and sometime the gramparents were in the park eating pick nicks and playing soccer and catch. They did not know the action that was going to happen!

THIS IS GOING TO BE VERY INTENSE blud roared starring into his ball. I WONDER WHO WILL WIN he pondered while mashing blood bananas all over his face cos he was so hungry that he missed his mouth. I KNOW I WILL MAKE A BET TO MAKE THINGS MORE INTERESTING. IF YOU WIN DARK YOU WILL BE RELECTED KING OF THE SHINIGAMI BUT IF L WINS THEN HE WILL BE KING OF THE SHINIGAMI AND YOU WILL BE FLIPPING BURGERS AT THE CREEPY DUDES ICE CREAM BURGER FLIPPING SHOP FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

"That's cool" dark said over his hologram who was shadow. "THAT WILL MAKE THE FIGHT TEN TIMS AS EPIC"

Blud did a salute but dark flipped him a bird cos hes a cool dude and dark went home and manned the battle station. It was like a train station but the trains had guns.

"BLud said he will make me king of the shinigami if we win this fight so now we have to DOUBLE FIGHT" He shouted at every one because he was the leader and this is the part of the movie where everyon's all like "WE'RE GONNA LOSE" and dark is like "NO WAY M-THERF-CKERS" and everyone cheered except this isn't a movie THIS IS REAL LIFE except its not cos it's a fanfic and everyone new they were gonna win! But they cheered anyway because the speech was good and they had to or dark would death note them in the face.

**BUT BACK ON PLANET BLUD ( that is what he called his sky bass cos he lives there! It's a big planet made of scabby blood and pointy rocks and bones and there are guns on the bottom that fire blood lick super soakers and everyone runs and screasm when it flys over cos it drips blood on every thing)**

I CANNOT BELIEVE HE FELL FOR THAT blud wailed grinding his face into a tub of blood banna.

"I know it was very stupid of him" said another misteryous shinigami standing in the corner behind a pile of blood. "when L and Dark kill each other we will be able to take over the world TOGETHER!"

"and I will also help" said ryuk eating a blood apple. It was icky cos it was made of the cheap nasty blood that blud dint want. Then the mistery shinigami walked up to ruyk and punched the apple out of his claws. The apple burst everywhere and ruk was covered in even more blood (there was already some blood on him cos the showers on planet blud are full of blood

"what did you do that for" he said with the saddest face ever.)

The other shinigami took her head off and it was…. TIOSEAFJ. She looked sexier now tho cos she used a sex note which gave her yellow hair and a big chest and one of those sexy waistcoat things ladies wear in Shakespeare times with the chests and the wastes.

"Because you our are lanky and you will do whatever we say!" she said but in a very sexy way and ruyk got all turned on but he could not do anything cos he was just a regular shinigami not king of the shinigami who is allowed to sex.

**MEANWHILE BACK ON EARTH**

THE NASCAR WAS GETTING CLOSER AND NOW THERE WERE EXPLOSIONS OUT THE WINDOW EVERYTIME THEY SMASHED ANOTHER CAR OF THE ROAD. THEY WERE GETTTING CLOSER AND CLOSER AND CLOSER AND THE RED ALARMS GOT REDDER.

Cyber takada leaned out the window with a rocket launcher and she shot a rocket into the sky. It dint hit the yagami house but went into space instead.

"Few we are safe lets go sex sayu" misa said.

"Not so fast!" Sayu replied! "I DON'T THINK THAT'S THE LAST WEVE HEARD OF THEM"

**MEANWHILE AT EVERY ARMY BASS IN THE WORLD**

"GENERAL SOMETHING IS HAPPENING" soldiers were yelling firing there guns everywhere in case that helped. They also had red alarms and sirens and laddies with sexy voices saying **"TEN SECONDS TILL ROCKET LAUNCH"**

"WHAT THE GODDAMNED F-CK IS OCCURRING?" the general replied wiping away his sweet.

"ALL OUR NUCLEARS ARE ABOUT TO LAUNCH!"

"IT WAS CYBERTAKADA!" shouted another soldier looking at the screen "SHE FIRED A ROCKET HACKING ROCKET AND HACKED OUR ROCKET"

"**NINE SECONDS TILL ROCKET LAUNCH"** said the sexy voice again.

"STOP HER!"

"**ONE SECOND TILL ROCKET LUANCH!"**

"NO! NO! NO O O O O O O O O O OO O O O O O O OO O O O!" the general shrieked like a girl as the nuclears went and it was all over the world. All the nuclears in America and Russia and france and England and japan went WOOSH into the sky and then into space. There they all met the rocket hacking rocket and teamed up! They all joined forces to make THE BIGGEST NUCLEAR IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. Then they turned round and went WOOSH towards lights town and they zoomed past PLANET BLUD where blud was sexing TIOSEAGH and they were both like "WHOA" as it went past and ryuk watched it and sprayed "TAKE THIS SUCKAS" on the side in blood with the blood guns.

The rocket got faster and faster and faster and it broke the sound barrier and STILL KEPT GOING FASTER until it was on fire from going too fast and the blood caught fire to make blood fire which is red like blood and looks AWESOME.

Light looked up and wet his pants.

"OH NOooo" he whined. "WTF IS THAT?"

"It is obv the biggest nuclear in the world AND ITS COMING STRAIGHT FOR US." Dark said clamly. He shot a couple of bullets from the bullet train (GET IT? ITS NOT LICK A JAPANISH BULLET TRAIN BUT IS A TRAIN MAD OF BULLETS INSTEAD!) at it but that dint seem to do anything. "Hmm what to do…"

"I HAVE A SHIELD NOTE!" night said and she wrote the names in the shield note as fast as she could but then the rocket hit! Nuclear fire zoomed out in all directions setting fire to everything for a thousand miles and blasting apart buildings and turning the ground into deserts and even the sky caught fire and all the blue stuff burned away revealing the stars behind it. Lights dads car got completely smashed and the windows broke. The moon started to catch fire too and blud had to move planet blud to mars just it would not burn.

"OH BALLS" night screamed. "I DINT HAVE TIME TO WRITE ALL THE NAMES! SOME PEOPLE DID NOT GET SHIELDS IN TIME AND THEY WILL HAVE BURNED TO DEATH! BUT WHO? FIND OUT NEXT TIME IN THE NEXT EXITING CAHPTER OF LIGHT AND DARK THE ADVENTURES OF DARK YAGAMI!


	38. Chap 35 A Dark YAGAMI Twisted Fantasy!

_**THERE WAS A PROBLEM WITH AN OLD CHAP WHICH I HAD TO FIX IN THIS ONE SO NOT MUCH HAPPENS AT FIRST SORRY**_

The smoke and the dust and the fire and the rubble and the steam and the gas and the rocks blew away. Everywhere for a million miles in every direction was dessert.

Night looked down. There was a hole through the earth and it went all the way to the sun and sunlight came through lighting the place. There was also some lava creeping out and setting fires again so the fires had to blow away again.

"HOLLY F-CK" she screamed. She had shield noted herself but forgot to shield note her cloths and now they were gone AND SHE WAS NAKED.

"Yo whats the noise?" day said. He was all burnt and twisted and looked like a BEAUTIFUL DARK TWISTED FANTASY (**_GET IT_**) "did the peeps get alive?"

"ok so I shield noted you" said night. "Who else did I shield note"

"You shield noted me!" said lights mom. She had put some cookie doh on the table and the nuclear had cooked it into cookies! She ate the cookies and gave one to soichiro who was also not dead and hid under the table for safeness.

"And me!" Misa and sayu rofled. They wanted to sex but they had more impotent things to do right now like SAVE THE WORLD.

Blud watched all the crazy things unfold on his HD TV on the skybass.

LITTLE DOES SHE NO THAT MY BIGBRAINED YOUNG MASTER DARK YAGAMI HAS FAILED TO LIVE IN THE BOILED INFERNO blud laughed stuffing his face with Doritos becos he was out of blood bananas.

"That art very sad" TIOSEFAJ moaned. "Did anyone elseth die?" She took of her timesuit to proof she was hot (_an THAT TVTROPES ZOMBIE DUDE SAID SHE WASN'T SEXY WHICH ISNT TRUE. CHECK OUT MY TWITTER #REALDARKYAGAMI FOR THE FANARTS I DREW OF HER_)

YES AND WE WILL FIND OUT WHO RIGHT AWAY said blud.

"Dawn died too!" night shouted. Noone really cared cos DARK WAS DEAD!

"That is no problem I will life note him back to life" misa said reaching in her bra.

"you can't!" sayu screamed. "Your cloths caught fire and burnt up and your life note was in there!"

"Noooooooo"

Just then light started acting all weird. "I…. am… a…. gh….o…o…..o…oooo..s…..t" He looked all posesed like the (SPOILERS) paramormal activity chick. "I have been taken over by the ghost of …. DARK YAGAMI. NOW MY NAME IS A MIXTURE OF LIGHT AND DARK FOR I AM…. GRAY YAGAMI except just call me dark yagami cos that sounds like gay yagami and dudes would make fun of me at school"

"Ok so that means light is dead instead."

"Yes."

"Then we must save him instead!" night said. "Luckily I can clone him cos we still have his body here!" night and dark and day went to the cloning lab. They put darks DNA which was actually lights in the cloning machine and switched it on.

"This is good because this time I pressed all the right buttons and NOTHING will go wrong" night swore and cussed cos every time you clone something something always goes wrong!

The machine dinged and the door opened.

"OH F-CK I PUT IT ON DOG MODE"

A dog came out. It had fangs and horns and instead of eyes there were machine guns where the eyes should be that shot bullets that looked like eyes and could see things so he could shoot them round corners and get the jump on peeps. Its claws were pens so it could death note people.

"Hellooooooooooo" the dog howled. "I am light yagami but I have been trapped in the body of a dog and my name is MIGHT YAGAMI (_AN check out the chap where they fight yotsuba but basically might yagami is his dog and then I realised it dint make sense that his dog was called yagami so now its explained!_) Everyone laughed.

Anyway while all these funny things were happening the car was getting closer! They stopped out side and parked up and out with all their weapons. The yagami house had turned into a castle made of iron so it would be hard to get into.

Luckily cybertakadas hands were made of magnets. "Beep I will climb in" she said. She taked off her cloths to make her lighter and began shooting up the wall. "There are no holes!"

"Then I will make one!" Cool dude said grinning. He was good at karate chops so what he did was he did a spinning karate chop and his hand turned into a drill to cut the metal.

"Thank you cool dude!" cybertakada said. She magneted through the hole then went to the front door and opened it.

Everyone went in except near cos he had to stay in the car so they woldnt get ticketed but they gave him an ipod and it had justin beiber on it cos Near likes lame music like that.

Hal listened real hard. "They are in nights bedroom upstairs! HURRY!"

They moved up the stairs so fast that the stairs fell down and cybertakada had to magnet up the walls again.

"Hey you look like spiderman but a naked woman!" samanther laughed.

"Ha ha very funny" cybertakada said punch.

"Ow!"

**BACK IN THE SKYBASS**

Blud was so exited about the fight now that he kept dancing in circles around the planet to get rid of his energy. LIGHT YAGAMI IS A MACHINE GUN DOG AND DAWN IS DEAD AND CYBERTAKADA IS NAKED WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT he sang dancing past Ruyk and flipping him lots of birds cos his guy was dead.

"I wouldst also want dark to beeth naked." TSIOSFAJ gasped.

LATER MY DEER blud said back WHEN THE FIGHT IS OVER WE WILL… BETRAY HIM AND MAKE HIM OUR SLAVE AND HE CAN BE NAKED WHEN EVER YOU WANT. ANYWAY COME TO THE TV COS THE FIGHT IS STARTING

"Goodeth thing this art not pay per view" she said and they both lolled very hard.

ON TV

All the evil dudes were silently around the door cos they heard peeps on the other side.

"What do we do?" cool dude said combing his hair so hard with fear that his hair turned into diamonds

"I have calculated that if we open the door silently in 1.342358236529128 seconds we will WIN FOR SURE." said samanther mathing the place up with numbers and shit everywhere.

"THEN LETS BLOODY SODDING DO THIS BUGGER!" watari roared and then looked at his watch and then silently punched the door. He did it in time!

THERE IS NO WAY THEY CAN LOSE! OR IS THERE? Asked blud crunching blood banana flavor Doritos all over him.

"Don't asketh me"

**ALSO I KNOW ON TV THEY DO A THING WHERE THEY SAY "NEXT TIME ON WHATEVER" SO HERE IS NEXT TIME ON DARK YAGAMI!**

"THEY ARE TOO HEAVY! IM GONNA DIE!" said samanther.

"I'll save you!2 said dark yagami jumping her rescue. He broke the falling roof bits with es. "I saved you! Now you have to join my side" he winkled cos THAT WAS THE PLAN ALL ALONG because SAMANTHER WAS HIS WIFE!

**I KNOW! READ MORE NEXT MONTH TO SEE HOW THIS EPIC THING HAPPENS.**


	39. Chapter 36 THE BATTLE ROYAL KICKS OF!

Twilight was biting his time in the attic. With his psikick powers he could see the evil dudes coming on the stairs and about to punch the door open. They punched it AND IT WAS GO TIME

He dropped like a brick out of the attic and landed on hal's face.

"OW! F-CK!" he shouted and started punching everywhere.

"Holy moly!" screamed lights mom looking at the punched in door. Hal was beating up Twilight but twilight was stronger and kept drinking his blood and biting him and blood was spraying everywhere painting the house red except it already was red cos that was Bluds favorite color.

"YOUR GONNA DIE" cool dude sang rocking out on his ax. It was a real ax with a gitar string stuck to it so he could play music on and he started axing up the place. The sofa and the tv and soichiros favorite coffee table all got smashed to bits. Ray pember joined in the smashing and broke a book.

"LETS GO TEAM! WE HAVE TO FIGHT FOR VICTORY!" dark shouted taking off his shirt like an action movie dude.

"YEAHHH" they all said back. Night started to slap samanther around cos they were girls and it is the law that when a bunch of movie dudes fight the girls have to fight each other alone i ncase they decide to start sexing. Night and samanther dint start sexing but only cos samanther wasn't a lesbean and also for another reason which is a secret for now! Night had her death note skin but samanther had a death note of her own so they were equal and a shinigami called magnetario who was a talking horse with the power of magnets on his shoes! (THANKS JENNIE SHORTELL ON TWITTER FOR THE NAME!")

There were some lesbeans though cos Misa and Sayu were there so they got naked and ran at cybertakada who was already naked cos she was ready for battle.

"THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO DECIDE WHO WILL WIN" cybertakada robotted. "I AM TOO STRONG AND HAVE ROBOT GUN ARMS SO IF WE FOUGHT I WOULD WIN WHICH WOULD NOT BE FAIR. INSTEAD…. We will take it in turns to sex with Misa! Whoever is the best at sexing… WINS."

Soichiro musselled up and pulled out his police gun. It was a special police gun cos hes the chef and it dint shoot police cars but tanks and battleships and police trains. He had a mustache so he had to fight with watari who got out a cup of tea. "I SAY OLD CHAPPIE WOULD YOU LICK SOME BLOODY CRUMPETS?"

SOichiro dint reply but fired a tank out of the gun and it landed with a splat on watari but he was a tough dude and punched it away.

Cybertakada and misa were making out super hard and the nuclear in cybertakadas giant chest was spinning at a million miles an hour. Misa started yelling with happy a bit and then they started sexing!

Dark looked at L who was once his best friend until he had so hartlessly betrayed him in watari's house by shooting his best friend mello and his gramps.

"It is a shame that it has come to this." Dark flexed and the lights exploded. "Because I am the best dude in the world but you are lick the second best and together we would have added up to the be the third best person in the world! WE COULD RULE THESE SILLY HUMANS TOGETHER"

"That is true except it cannot be." L started crying and blew his nose on a christmas cake and ate it. "For then who would track down kira?"

Dark nodded. "Then you must die."

"I agree" said L and they jumped at each other with samrai swords

Day was feelin left out and he wanted to see what near was up to. Near was hungry so Lights mom MADE SOME TOAST FOR THE DOOSHBAG (_I LOVE THAT SONG_) but it was poisoned toast and near died all over the car.

**BACK ON PLANET BLUD**

WHAT THE F-CK THIS IS EVEN MORE EPCI THAN I FORT IT WOULD BE Blud roared at his Tv. A fountain of chewed up blood banana exploded out whenever he roared splattering the room with mushed up blood banana. WHO WILL WIN THIS CLASH?

"i bet it will be L and it will turn out that samanther is not dark's wife" whispered ruyk.

I THINK YOU ARE WRONG AND WE WILL HAVE A BET. Blud got a bar of gold the size of the empire state building out of his pants. IF YOU ARE RIGHT I WILL GIVE YOU MY FORTUNE BUT IF YOU ARE WRONG YOU WILL TURN INTO A CHICK AND SEX WITH TIOSEAFJ WHILE I WATCH.

"it is a deal" ruyk said then realised he was an idiot.

**ON THE PLANET WE CALL EARTH!**

Hal and twilight were rolling down the hallway and twilight wasbiting hal and drinking his blood so Hal had to start biting back so he could drinlk back his blood and not die. They rolled and THEN HAL HAD AN IDEA! They rolled into darks room and hal jumped up and grabbed the blood banana case full of blood bananas. He took them all and ran into the kitchen and rammed them all in the smoothie maker and made a smoothie! Twilight loved blood so he drank it but then he remembers they were poisonous and died. ONE DUDE ON EACH SIDE IS NOW DEAD! WHO WILL BE NEXT?

Cybertakada was sexing so hard with her robot sexing parts that misa nearly died from all the happiness. It was the best sexing in human history! Sayu was watching however and making her plan…

Night and samanther stopped slapping each other cos they were the brainest chicks in America and England! Instead they had a science test and all the questions were super hard like WHAT IS THE ATOM and WHERE IS THE SUN and WHY DO BIRDS EXIST. Magnetario wanted to help but he was just a magnet horse and that's basically useless for a science quiz and he got stuck to the fridge.

Watari was opening a can of whoop arse (COS HES BRITISH) on soichiro doing all these mad kicks and punches into the air. He learned his fighting from that Prince William dude himself cos he was in the army and is married to a chick now and so he had the best fighting skills in Urope. Soichiro however got his police knife out and it was twice as big as a not police knife which made it unstoppable in fights so they were equally matched and every time watari punched soichiro he punched his hand off but soichiro cut his hand off back and pretty soon they ran out of hands.

L and dark were still starring at each other so hard that things around them sometimes went on fire. The fires hit a gas pipe and the room exploded! Bits of fire starting falling on peeps and hurting them. Giant rocks and bits of electricity fell off the ceiling and started heading for samanther!

"THEY ARE TOO HEAVY! IM GONNA DIE!" said samanther.

"I'll save you!2 said dark yagami jumping her rescue. He broke the falling roof bits with es. "I saved you! Now you have to join my side" he winkled cos THAT WAS THE PLAN ALL ALONG because SAMANTHER WAS HIS WIFE!

**ON PLANET BLUD**

Ruyk woke up and he was a chick.

"f-ck" he cried and then he realised he could sex with the sexiest shinigami in the planet and so he was happy for the first time in his life.

_ITS ALL BILLDING FOR THE FINAL FIGHT THAT WILL DECIDE THE WINNER OF ALL TIME! I KNOW I AM THE BEST!_

_I AM ON TWITTER REALDARKYAGAMI SO VOTE FOR ME!_


	40. Chapter 37 So MANY DIE this is UNREAL!

_THIS IS NOT A XMAS SPECIAL COS THE FIGHT IS too action packed BUT JUST IMAGINE IT IS OK? ALL THIS STUFF HAPPENS AT XMAS OR SOMETHIN AND WATARI IS DRESSED LICK A TREE OR I DON'T KNOW USE YOUR IMAGINATION!_

Everyone got out of the rubble EXCEPT FOR RAY PEMBER COS HE WAS SQUISHED TO DEATH BY THE RUBBLE! Noami started crying that her one true husband was dead but actually they dint get on all that well anyway cos of his man thing and dark was better at sexing and ray sold Naomis dog to pay for his gambling habit.

"Oh Dark!" she cred right up in his face splattering tears everywhere. "My husband is dead and now I have no one to love me hotly and lightly all through the coldly darkly night. Will you take my back?"

A big anime sweat appeared on Darks face and he did the leany thing with his elbow on his head and the gorping mouth laughing and his eyes closed.

"ha ha that would be a good idea but if I had a wife which I do not thenshe would not let me do it SOZ NOMES :P!"

"ACTUALLY DARK" said samanther with a big anime blush on her face too and wink "if you had a wife *wink* which you don't *wink* and its not me *wink* then she would love it as long she could join in too *wink wink wink*" she winked.

"OK"

**MEANWHILE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM**

Watari and Soichiro had been watching Cybertakada and Misa sexing each other. They had fort about sexing to solve their fight too but they were too old and wrinkly so they can't and also they were better at fighting than sexing which is why lights mom had so many affairs. instead they had to make do with kicking each other cos they were out of hands.

"YOU ARE THE WORTHIEST BLOODY BUGGER I HAVE EVER FIT" watari gasped booting soichiro in the gut.

"Well you are WORTHIER!" soichiro ground back doing a headbutt right into watari's face. He stumbled backwards and a load of blood came out of his nose and painted an England flag all over his blue shirt.

"YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT!" Watari bellowed putting boxing gloves full of nuclears where his hands used to be. He began beating soichiro so hard his glasses broke and soichiro's broke too and THERE WAS BLOOD ON BOTH THERE MUSTACHES! D: D: D:

Cybertakada got off Misa and the sexing was so good that misa just sat on the floor for like 5 minutes to get her breath back and stop her chest bouncing.

"OK Sayu It Is YouR Turn But You Have No Hope Because I Made Sure My Sexing Motors Were Set To 100% power!"

"Then I will just sex her with 101% power!"

"AH HA HA AH!" cybertakada laughed evilly but not too evil cos she just gave misa the best sexing of her life which is pretty good remember! "101% power sexing Will Kill HER!"

"F-ck!" said sayu. "THEN I MUST FIND A WAY OR MY NAME ISNT SAYU YAGAMI!"

**ON PLANET BLUD ONES AGAIN**

TSIOEFAJ and ruyk who was a girl and now called buytt were sexing all over the blood bed. Buytt was an ugly shinigami but it was still pretty hot sexing cos TSIOSEFAJ put a bag on buytts head and footballs down her top painted to look like chests. Blud wasn't watching this THE HOTTEST THING EVER TO HAPPEN ON PLANET BLUD THOUGH cos what was going on the tv was EVEN HOTTER.

**WHAT WAS ON THE TV?**

**LETS WATCH!**

**EXCEPT IT'S A FIC SO WELL HAVE TO READ SO THAT WONT BE AS HOT SO JUST BELIVE ME!**

Sayu and misa were leaning against the fridge sexing really hard and misa was screaming cos magnetarios antlers kept poking her.

"97%!" sayu gasped stepping up her game.

"I'm… not… going! …to MAKE…. ITTT" misa squeaked.

"98%!" sayu gasped. They were rubbing so hard they were making lighting and there hair was standing on end and full of sparks.

"OMGGG"

Cybertakada got out her sex meter which was like the goggles from dragonball z. "ITS OVER NINETY NINE PEERCEE~EENT!" she shouted like in that video that everyone on the internet licks for some reason

"WE ARE AT ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SEXING" misa said between yips.

"I KNOW!" said sayu "NOW WE MUST TAKE IT EVEN HIGHER" and she put a hand on misa's chesty bumps.

"OH NO THIS IS TOO GOOD" she screamed. "THIS IS LIKE 100.9% SEXING NOW. IF YOU DON'T STOP YOU WILL KILL ME."

"Damn…" said sayu. "I must find ANOTHER WAY"

**ANYWAY HOWS THE HERO OF THIS EPIC TALE?**

Dark and L were watching samnather and night doing the science.

That's actually pretty dull so BACK TO THE LESBEANS!

**THE LESBEANS**

Sayu got out her Everything Note and writ "MISA GETS A 200% SEXING WITHOUT DYING" Instantly misa fell on the rolling around trashing her arms against the walls

"OH MAAAN THIS IS TOOO GOOOD!" she squealed. It was so good that all the sex chemicals made her hair grow super long and her chesty bits went twice as big.

"Hey That Is Cheating" cybertakada said making her arms robot guns. "Chesters will be Punished!"

Then Sayu did a sexy dance for cybertakada and they started sexing. "OH THIS IS SO GOOD! WE ARE SEXING AT 101%!" she screamed. "KEEP GOING THIS IS TOO GOOD TO STOP EVEN IF I DIE"

Cybertakada exploded and bits of robot went in lights moms cookie doh. THREE EVIL DUDES ARE DEAD BUT SO ARE DAWN AND TWILIGHT! **WHO WILL BE NECKS?**

Samanther and Night handed in their test papers to soichiro who marked them but first he had to summon the ghost of einstene cos the questions were so hard.

"HMM I have checked all the answers and you were alright except for YOU night! You got question 72348 wrong! EARTH HAS ONE MOON YOU NUMSKULL"

"OH YEAH? CHECK THIS SHIT OUT YOU LOSER" night shouted back hitting the brainy ghost dude with a scope. He looked through it and saw PLANET BLUD!

"OH NO YOU ARE RIGHT! THAT MYSTERIOUS WORLD THAT APPEARED IN OUR SKIES IS A MOON LIKE A AVENGING ANGLE OF BLOOD DEATH IS A MOON. I WAS WRONG AND YOU WERE RIGHT" he did a bow at night and sent samanther to sit out the rest of the fight on the bench.

ITS ALL EVEN AGAIN! NOT FOR LONG! Roared blud. SOMEONE ELSE IS ABOUT TO DIE!

TISOEFAJ came to look and stopped setting buytt cos she wasn't very good at it and the bag kept coming off and it wasn't really a good idea so Blud turned buytt back into ruyk.

Watari and soichiro were exhausted and theyd done too many kicks to the face so they were messy.

"I AM SO BLOODY BLOODY GET IT?" roared watari.

"ME TOO!" bellowed soichiro.

They both a took a step back and ran at each other and did a running jump in the air. They stuck there feet out for a final kick.

"THIS WILL SODDING BE THE LAST RUDDY SODDING KICK TO DECIDING THIS BASTARDING QUEENF-CK OF A FIGHT YOU WEASEL" Watari roared but he was wrong. THEY WERE THE SAME STRENGTH. The kicks met in midair AND THEY BOTH DIED.

"Noo!" light screamed. "Dad!"

"Also dad **I MEAN GRAMPS**!" shrilled L. (_AN WHOOPS I GOOFED!)_

"Both the mustache dudes died!" grinned dark. "WAIT F-CK HE WAS MY DAD TOO! WHY CROOL WORLD WHY?"

**ON PLANET BLUD HOOVERING OVER THE ACTION IN SPACE**

Blud shed a single tear which was so big that it hit earth and drowned sweeden.

WHATEVER WILL BE NEXT? He sobbed. THERE ARE ONLY A FEW DUDES LEFT. Just for fun he shot a lightning bolt at cool dude and killed him cos he wasn't doing much anyway.

**THE SCORE SO FAR**

_DAWN killed by CYBERKATAKDA!_

_TWILIGHT killed by HAL!_

_SOICHIROS GOLDFISH killed by COOL DUDE PEEING IN THE TANK!_

_CYBERTAKADA sexed to death by SAYU!_

_SOICHIRO and WATARI killed by THEM_

_SAMANTHER outsceinced by NIGHT!_

_RAY killed by RUBBLE!_

_NEAR killed by DAY!_

_COOL DUDE killed by BLUD KING OF THE SHINIGAMI!_

_Also Day got punched by L while he was tying his shoes!_

_Team Evil has 5 points and Team Dark has 5 points also! IT'S A TIE! WILL MORE DUDES DIE?_

**MORE DUDES WILL DIE NEXT TIME! MAYBE BEFORE XMAS**


	41. Chapter 38 MO DEATHS MO PORBLEMS!

Up on planet Blud Blud was SUITING UP for THE BATTLE! He put on an army hat. Grinning blood he picked up a machine gun and stuck it to his back with blood!

"hey dude where are you doing?" Ruyk asked staring at the guns and TIOSEAJFs chest bouncers.

ITS NONE OF YOUR F-CKING BUSINESS! Roared blud and he shot ruyk in the wings!

"ow that hurt" ruyk cryed like a little baby girl who just lost her dolly and it was made of candy and a coyot stole it. He was bleeding everywhere but noone could tell cos this was PLANET BLUD and there was blood everywhere. Eventually he ran out of blood and died.

ANOTHER DUDE IS DEAD!

**DOWN ON EARTH IN THE BURNED RADIACTIV WASTELAND FULL OF ZOMBIES THAT WAS ONCE AMERICA**

Hal and Mello and L looked at the destation all around them full of fire and dead people. So many of there friends and there enemies had lost there lifes on this dark and deadly day and they would never forget there sacrifices and also samanther was there but she wasn't dead she was just on the bench. BUT NOW IT WAS TIME TO AVENGE THEM ALL AND MAKE L THE KING OF THE BURNT PIECE OF BURNING THAT WAS WHAT WAS LEFT OF THE WORLD.

"YEEEEAH!" roared Mello reving up his chainsaw.

"YEAHHHH!" roared Hal grabbing cybertakada's arms and using them as guns.

"YEEAAHH!" roared L getting out his baseball bat made of hard candies.

They began to run yelling across the room waving everything around to be scary.

On the other side of the room Lights mom was busy at the oven cooking SOMETHING WE WILL FIND OUT LATER. Everyone else was dead scared cos the evil dudes were coming and they had guns and candies and other scary things except dark cos he wasn't scared of anything except being eaten by a lion and all the lions had been killed by the nuclears.

"What will we doooo?" yipped Light! "Safe me Misa!" he said glomping his girlfriend.

"LIGHT I AM NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND ANYMORE!"

"WHAT!" screamed light. "Are you breaking up with me! But we never even sexed!"

"Yes I am." Misa said furiously. Her chests bounced madly while she said it. "You see Light I am in love with only one person and that person is Sayu Yagami!"

"Well at least you are not married because that would be a real sad thing cos then you would be cheating on me!"

"Actually Light…" sauy blushed doing the sorry thing with her hands. "we got married and now we live together and we sex ALL THE TIME and one time we did it in your bed and I'm your sister in case you forgot"

"F-CKK!" light screamed. "THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE NOW!" and he died of sadness because his tears drowned him.

"I know what to do!" dark grinned with his mouth going super wide and the teeth being all pointy and sharp. "we need a distraction!"

"What kind of distraction?" asked Night but then she saw too late the evil grin that was smooshed all over Darks face. He picked her up and got a pen and wrote "TURNS INTO A BOM" on her skin AND HER SKIN WAS A DEATH NOTE REMEMBER? So she turned into a bomb.

"EAT THIS YOU SUCKASSSS" dark roared bolling the bomb like a bolling ball at the evil dudes. It stopped with a bump next to Ls foot.

"I WILL SAVE YOU" mello roared and then he jumped on the bomb! "THIS IS BECAUSE I… LOVE… Y" and the bom exploded and explattered bits of mello everywhere. The walls got covered with melted chocolate because he was made of chocolate.

Now it was just Hal and L left and they had to fight Misa AND Sayu AND Lights mom AND dark and they were the five strongest peeps on the planet! On THIS planet anyway…

**Meanwhile on the blood planet that is called PLANET BLUD by punny mortals like you!**

"Where are you going my sexy sexy husband?" TIOSEAFJ asked. She put on panties and a sexy nurse dress for Blud and she waved the needle around all senseual style because normally that made him wants to sex but not today!

I MUST KILL EVERYONE blud replied and he took the needle from TIOSEAFK!

"Why do you want to want to do that?" she asked pouting her lipsticky lips.

BECAUSE WE ARE SHINIGAMI AND THAT MEANS GOD OF DEATH AND GODS CAN DO ANYTHING SO THEY SHOULD MAKE EVERYTHING DEAD and he stuck the needle in a blood banana and sucked out the goopy blood inside.

"That is a good idea and once you have killed everyone we will have lots of sex to celebrate!" she cheered getting all turned on by thinking about it.

Blud did an evil face and TIOSEJAF regreted it. YOU ARE EVERYONE! He roared and stuck the needle in her and injected her with blood banana! The poisons made her die right away after she said her last words which were "Blud…. You were the shinigami I knew best at sexing….. but you were not the person best at sexing. That person is Dark yagami and I got from him what I never got from you and your creepy body made of creepy blood. Goodbye you SUCKER!"

NOOO! Blud roared but he was stronger than light so finding out his only love hed every loved had cheated so unfairiously on him did not kill him but instead FILLED HIM WITH KILLING.

I MUST KILL EVERYONE! BUT DARK YAGAMI WILL BE LAST AND HE WILL BE WORST! He roared jumping off planet blud and shooting it so it exploded and pieces of meteor fell and killed every country in the world except America.

**BACKI N THE YAGAMI HOUSE**

Hal started shooting everywhere and spraying the room with bullets. Eveyrone had to duck for safeness behind the worktop and the cookie jar got smashed so dark ate a cookie.

"Well at least if we saty here we will be safe forever!" sayu sighed glomping misa.

"NOT SO FAST." There was an evil look in misa's eye now. "You see my dear sweet idiot sayu! My one true love is not you after all. IT is….. L!"

Its true" L said noddly.

She made out with Sayu but it was so hard that she kissed the air out of sayu's lungs and she died happy.

"F-ck!" Dark roared! Everyone on my team is dead or evil or sometimes evil and dead! What will I do now!"

"What the f-ck EVER YOU WANT BEFORE YOU F-CKING WELL DIE YOU SH-T!" scrreched hal pulling a nife.

Hal ran at him and pulled a nife and got it ready to stab. Dark put his hands over his face and got ready to do a block cos he even he could stop and evil dude with a knife. Suddenly! BOOM!

Dark opened his eyes. Where once there had been an angry bald man waving the robotic arms of his twice dead lesbian wife as weapons yelling cusses there was now a bunny!

"WTF" everyone said.

"Ha ha! You fiddlesticks forgot about me!" It was Lights mom! And she had a bunny gun made of brownies she baked in the oven earlier! "You B-TCH!" she roared at Misa and this was the first time in her life she had been angry so she swore a bit.

"What did I do she said all sweetly?"

"You killed my son and my daughter and you had sex with her in lights bed and you came in my house all naked and you DIDN'T WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE DINNER" she pulled the trigger and a laser came out except it was actually a bunny laser which is called a baser and Misa also turned into a bunny!

"Now mr. Lsworth Lsington I think you and me have a fiddlesticking date with the bunny gun!"

Before she could pull the trigger L jumped on the gun and ate it. She had no weapons so she ran away.

"Now dark it is just YOU AND ME!" L belched belching up bits of brownie and rabbit.

**NEXT TIME! THE FINAL FIGHTS THAT WILL DECIDE THIS STORY ONES AND FOR ALL! THE END IS SOON!**

**MEANWHILE! Outside in the park**

There were zombies everywhere but lights mom smelled of cookies so they dint want to eat her.

"Few! I am safe here!" she sighed then started crying becos everyone she new was dead except for her favorite son Dark but her unfavorite kiddies and her husband was dead.

Then lightning hit her and she died.

EVERYONE ON THE PLANET IS NOW DEAD… guffled Blud painting naughty words on the walls cos the cops were dead and couldn't stop him NOW I MUST GO TO THE YAGAMI HOUSE… FOR THE FINAL FIGHTS THAT WILL DECIDE THIS STORY ONES AND FOR ALL!


	42. Chapter 39 Dark and L MUST FIGHT! OR DIE

_YOU AKSED FOR IT! NOW YOU GET IT! THE ACTION PACKED BATTLE BETWEEN DARK YAGAMI AND L WHICH WILL DEICIDE ONCE AND FORALL **THE WORLD**_

_ALSO THERE WILL BE A SURPIRSE APPEARANCE BY BLUD!_

Dark stared at L and L stared back and then Dark stared more and won the staring contest.

"Okay!" squeaked L "We wont win this war with a staring contest cos that's boring and WE NEED ACTION" he said taking out a machine sword. It was a machine gun but instead of guns there were swords that span round and round shooting little swords everywhere and one went in Darks cheerios.

"You think you can action well two can play at THIS GAME!" dark roared but secretly he was pissed cos Dark had a machine sword too and he was dead proud of it and L just bought his at the salivation army so instead dark got out a crosshammer. This was a crossbow except instead of arrows it shot hammer.

"ROAR!" roared L charging Dark machine guns shoting everywhere and punching holes in the walls and stabbing all the zombies. It was a shame because the zombies would have learned to be normal people again but now they NEVER WOULD because they were DOUBLE DEAD. Swords sliced against dark and gave him a haircut and there were scars all other his face but they made him look EVEN TOUGHER and L got scared and dropped the sword.

NOW IT WAS DARKS TURN. He dint bother with the crosshammer because his fists were harder and he started raining down pulp on L. Bits of candy were explattering everywhere and covering the walls in sugar and might yagami started licking it up. Unforuntately the candy all went hard and squishy over L and made armor!

"WTF!" spat dark. He started licking the candy to melt it but L liked it and started groaning and getting happy so dark stopped. "OH WHATEVER I WILL JUST DEATH NOTE YOU" dark yelled and grabbed his death note and wrote L.

Nothing happened

"Are you dead?" asked dark.

"LOL NO" lolled L flipping the bird through the armor. "I have a royal life note back in the base and there is a robot writing my name in there 100000 times a second! I AM UNKILLABLE!"

"THAT IS EVIL!" gasped dark because it was. "Why would you do such an evil thing?"

"_**this is why**_" grinned L evilly except dark coudnt see his face so he couldn't see the evil grin so he thought L was dead sad.

The bits of candy started to crack and an evil red glow came through cracks and smoke and an eggy smell like L just farted which he did cos of the candy but not this time! Ls mussles were buldging like no mussles ever seen and they pulsed with electric and magic and strength. The bits of candy melted and caught fire and L who was now like an inch taller slumbered forwards covered in fire and lava and his hair was all wilds and two fires burned in his eyes which kind of hurt but now he was a monster so he dint care.

"_**THIS IS MY TRUE FORM**_" L said. "_**I MADE AN EVIL DEAL WITH THE SHINIGAMI DEVIL WHO IS EVILLER THAN THE NORMAL DEVIL. HE GAVE ME SHINIGAMI EYES AND SHINIGAMI EARS AND SHINIGAMI HORNS AND A SHINIGAMI MAN THING**_" he said unzipping his pants and showing it off. It was very spiky and evil looking but also quite big but still not as big as darks so he was kind of disappointed and when he killed dark he would go to the shinigami devil and get a refund. "YOU HAVE NOT GOT A CHANCE!" he grinned and his teeth were so sharp he accidentally ate his lips.

"You cant kill me!" Dark yelled. "I knew this day would come and to save the world I put a nuclear on my heart!" He did the smiley thing and pointed to his heart because L dint have one so he dint know where it was. "If you kill me the nuclear will explode and WE WILL BOTH DIE!"

"I _**DON'T CARE**_" evilled the giant glowing mushroom man waving his toffee flamed arms around like fireworks. He punched his arm into Darks chest and pulled out the nuclear and ate it! The nuclear went off in his gut but all that did was make him like the hulk and even stronger!

He jumped on Dark and with his evil shinigami devil given powers and the sinful power of nuclears he was actually STRONGER THAN DARK YAGAMI! Dark was tough so he dint cry as L headbutted him in the head AND butt but it really hurt and whenever dark tried to punch L he just got his hand burned by the burning sugar that glooped like lava over Ls body.

A long way away there was a bang like a robot exploding but noone heard so they carried on.

"LETS TAKE THIS FIGHT INTO THE SKY!" whistled L as he flew into the sky. Dark coudnt fly so he went to nights body and stole her jetpack and zipped into the sky. They traded some punch and drank it and then they got down to the combat.

L made his hair all spiky like a super sayen and tried to stab Dark with the spiky bits. Dark had to cut his hair with sizzors made of gold.

Dark did a kick at Ls man thing but it was so small that he missed.

L spat at Dark and his spit court fire but that was only on accident.

Dark punched L really hard on the nose and blood sprayed everywhere.

L did a twenty times punch where he grew 20 arms and they all punched dark at the same time. The shockwave was so big that it cut the oceans in half like an orange skin and peeled them off the planet and all that was left were the sharks and the electric eels and they evolved into electric sharks and ate the leftover zombies!

"_**HOW ARE YOU STIL ALIIIIIVE" asked**_ L when the dust cleared.

"Because I have the power of love in my heart AND NOTHING CAN DEFEAT THAT" and then his jetpack ran out of gas. "oh butts" swore dark as he fell like an asteroid to the ground.

"_**HA HA HA I HAVE YOU NOW DARCUS TAYLOR YAGAMI**_" L groaned as he swooped to the ground. He took his machinesword out but turned it back into a normal sword for drama and held it over darks eyeball leaning over him and spraying blood out of his horns. "_**YOU WILL REGRET THE DAY YOU EVER MESSED WITH LIND L TAYLOR THE GREATEST DETECTIVE TO EVER LIVE AND HIS MAD BRITISH GRAMPS WATARI"**_ L said.

"NOT SO FAST!" and a vampire stake burst out of Ls chest and half killed him! He stopped being evil and the horns went away and his man thing stopped being spiky.

"_**WHAT **_**JUST ****HAPPENED **TO me" L yelped as he stopped being evil.

"I JUST HAPPENED M-THERF-CKER" shouted Samanther stabbing him again in the other side of his heart.

"Thanks wife!" Dark said standing up and giving her a sexy makeout. 2Thanks for blowing up the life note robot!"

"No prob husband! That went JUST AS PLANNED" she said putting her hands in both their pants and getting happy.

YOU PUNY HUMANS AND YOUR SEXING burst out with laughter Blud! YOU THINK YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED THE JOYS OF THE SEXING ACT BUT IN FACT YOU ARE RANK AMATURS COMPARED TO A GOD OF DEATH LIKE ME FOR I HAVE TASTED THE FRUITS OF THE TRUE SEXING THAT CAN ONLY BE FELT BY A GOD! BUT ENOUGH OF THIS. DARK. YOU AND ME! WE MUST….

FIGHT!

_OMG! THAT! WAS! EPIC! EVEN I WAS EXCITED AND I WAS THE DUDE WRITING IT! TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO SEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN AND ALSO FOR MORE SEXYTIME!_


	43. Chapter 40 Blud HEART Samanther? :O

_HEY GUYS. THE FINAL FIGHT IS NEARLY HERE! THERE WILL BE A KICKASS TWIST AT THE END AND IVE GOT IT ALL PLANNED OUT BUT IM NOT TELLING! PERHAPS WATARI IS THERE DAD OR L WAS GOOD ALL ALONG OR DARK WAS A GHOST LIKE IN FIGHT CLUB. WHO KNOWS?_

"ITS YOU!" declared Dark doing his face in a scrunchy way.

YES MY APPRENTICE said Blud. YOU ARE THE STRONGEST MAN IN THE PLANET AND THAT IS WHY WE MUST FIGHT. YOU ARE THE OWNER OF MY ROYAL DEATH NOTE AND I WANT IT BACK FOR YOU MAY OWN MY NOTE BUT YOU WILL NEVER OWN MY SOUL

"Yo dude!" shouted Samanther and she flicked back her hair and did the British finger thing with two fingers. "Why don't you just a eat a blood banana and chill you f-ckass!"

THE BLOOD BANANA HAS GONE EXSTINCT BECAUSE OF THE FIRE AND THE VOLANCOES AND THE DEVASTATION THAT HAS BEEN BOUGHT BY THE EXPLOSIVE COUNTERACTION OF THE BROKEN SHATTERS OF THAT SCABBY SPACE STATION THAT ONCE WAS MY HOME AND I ATE THE REST.

"We can come to an agreement!" screamed Samanther.

I WAS GOING TO ASK THAT MALEVOLANT CLONE YOU CALL NIGHT YAGAMI TO CLONE ME SOME MORE OF THE DELICIFENT FRUITS BUT ALAS SHE HAS BEEN KILLED BY BOMB

"Yeah whatever" Dark spat out his gum and it hit Blud on the man thing (or shinigami thing GET IT). It caught fire and melted and melty gum went everywhere.

"Kick his arse" Samanther said cos shes british. "Beat him and I will let you sex me for the first time because I am a verging!"

OH HO HO! YOU ARE QUIET THE LADIES MAN ARENT YOU MY OIL HAIRED YOUNG CHUMMIE? Laughed Blud as he stared squintily at Samanthers chest. It was the biggest chest in the world but she didn't tell people cos they would think she was showing off. THOSE ARE SOME NICE BOUNDERS GIRLY. I WOULD LIKE TO DO SEXY THINGS WITH THEM.

"Piss off you creep!" swore Samanther.

"Leave my wife alone you freak!" Dark was getting so angry that if the world wasn't already on fire it would have exploded AGAIN.

BUT WHEN I KILL YOU SHE WILL BE MY… WIFE! ISNT THAT RIGHT WIFEY DARLINGEST?

"Yeah cos you would be the only dude left BUT WHATEVER! That wont happen cos my handsome husband will kick you arse and then I will sex with him!"

VERY WELL. WE HAVE CHATTERED ENOUGH MY SMARTLY NAMED DUDE WHO IS DARK BY NAME… BUT ALSO BY NATURE AND ALSO BY HAIR COLOR. THE TIME HAS COME THIS TIME AGAIN FOR THE VIOLENT COUNTERACTION THAT WILL SPELL DOOM FOR ONE OF US AND THE HOTTEST SEXING IN HISOTRY FOR THE OTHER WHO DOES NOT DIE.

Dark tore open his shit and revealed his muscly abs. Blood poured through his vains. Blud liked licking blood and when he killed dark he was going to take his blood out and clone it for it was the finest blood like wine and it tasted like candyfloss made of nails.

"Lets do this thing!"

Dark ran at fast as he can at Blud and headbutted him in the chest. However Bluds chest was covered in spikes and spiders and they bit Dark and Blud was safe! Next it was bluds turn. His knuckles were made of knuckle dusters but he put more dusters on them to be sure and slammed a punch at Dark and knocked him into the air.

"WTF" screamed Dark and he got a rocket out and stuck it to his back. He pushed the TURBO button and two nuclear jets zoomed him back at Blud. He did a headbutt again but this time he got a face full of blood mowhawk and blud.

BOO HA HEE HO MY BEFUDDLED UNEFFECTIVE BATTLING CHUM blud exclaimed. YOU CANNOT BEAT ME BECAUSE I HAVE THE STRENGTH OF A THOUSAND GLITTERING ANGELS. To prove his power he spat at the ground. His spit bubbled and sizzled like bacon fat on a pan and smelt like it also. Then it shot like acid into the earths core! The core caught fire and stretched like a balloon and the earth was ripped to shreds and turned into a black hole. The black hole was sucky (GET IT?) because it destroyed the world and then the rest of the universe was sucking into it like water down the bathhole but this wasn't water IT WAS TIME AND SPACE AND PLANETS AND STARS AND GALAXIES AND PIGEONS ALL DYING.

Dark grabbed Samanther and rocketed up away from the big hole in space that sucked like a vacuum cleaner that was possessed by satan but it was sucking so hard they could bearly escape!

"You murderer!" shouted Dark shaking his fist but Blud just laughed and ate the blood banana galaxy.

I AM THE MURDERER? I BEG TO DEFER. WHO ASSASSINED NIGHT YAGAMI IN COLD BLOOD? WHO SHOT WATARI WITH A LASER GUN? WHO FED NEAR A POISON TOAST AND THREW HIM INTO A BOX FULL OF POISON MOTHS? I THINK YOU WILL FIND THAT WAS YOU!

"But you blew up THE EARTH YOU MONSTER!"

Samanther saidsomething to but she was in space and in space noone can hear you scream!

A HA HA WELL WHATEVER NOW ALL THAT'S LEFT TO DO IS WATCH YOUR GENEROUSLY BOSOMED WIFE FALL INTO THE BALCKHOLE.

"Not so fast!" said samather and she said a portal spell and portaled to the shinigami world. They landed with a bum and all the other shinigami turned to stare at them. They had never seen a human before who wasn't dead and they all crowed around and messed up his hair.

"YOUR WIFE IS VERY PRETTY" Said a fat one who looked like a cow made of gravestones.

"CAN I EAT YOUR LUNGS?" said another who was slimy and smelly and smelled like slime.

"IMMA LET YOU YOU FINISH BUT YOTSUBA WAS THE BEST KIRA OF ALL TIME!" joked another shinigami who was kanye west because he wrote all his songs in a death note and that's why he kills!

Ckira was there too because TSIOSEAFJ took him to save him before she died except it was after because she can time travel but he was an old dude covered in wrinkles so he just stood on the side cheering.

Blud landed in the shinigami world. Here he was weaker cos he couldn't blow it up and blood bananas grew everywhere so he kept munching his face off on them and forgetting to fight.

The he remembered. Everyone went to the BATTLE RING which was a football stadium but the grass was cut up and replaced with BLOOD.

The shinigami devil rang the bell AND IT WAS TIME TO FIGHT.

Blud jumped on Dark and started whaling on him with a real whale and dark was getting squittered to a pulp.

"No Dark! Noo!" shouted samanther

YOU HAD BETTER GET READY FOR OUR WEDDING shouted Blud. He called over a shinigami who had a death cloth and she stitched names in it to kill people and had her make a wedding dress out of it. YOU WILL LOOK SO PRETTY AND WE SHALL DANCE ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT AND MAKE SWEET PASSIONATED LOVE ALL OVER THE BATTLE RING WHICH WILL BE RENAMED THE SEX RING AND FILLED WITH WINE AND EVERYONE WILL WATCH AND GET ALL TURNED ON TOO.

"Not so fast CHUMP" Dark roared and kneed blud in the man thing. Blud yipped like a little girl and danced all over the battle ring. He picked up some of the blood and shaped it into a javellin and throwed it at Blud. It went into his eye and came out of the other eye and Blud screamed.

OMG Blud roared.

"Now you wont be able to see my wives sexy bod!"

THIS IS THE WORST PUNISHMENT he sobbed holding his hurty man thing. FOR THIS DARCUS YAGAMI YOU WILL PAY.

They ran at each other and jumped!

_WHAT WILL HAPPEN?_

_A fight will!_

_CHECK IT OUT_

_By the way this was so epic that Ckira died of a heart attack!_


	44. Chapter 41 The mystery deepers!

_SORRY ITS BEEN A WHILE. BEEN PLANNING OUT THE BIG FINAL! MORE TWISTS COMING! WE WILL DISCOVER THE MYSTERY OF THE MUSTACHE?_

Blud was eating Kanye Wset because it had been ages since the last chap and he was dead hungry and blood bananas are a good snack but he was too hungry so he ate Kanye and blood went everywhere and Blud licked it (_I WAS GOING TO MAKE A TOAST JOKE BUT I ALREADY MADE ONE! SO INSTEAD KANYE MADE BLUD DEAD FAT AND HE HAD TO USE KANYES WORKOUT PLAN TO LOSE WAIT AGAIN_).

"Are you done?" sneered Dark making his mouth all twisted and sarcastick. "Or does the little baby want his food on an airplane with a bib?"

HOW DARE YOU INSULT THE FINE OFFICE OF THE KING OF THE SHINIGAMI roared blud spitting out some bones and some feathers cos he ate the runaway bird chick too. I WILL TEAR YOUR NOSE OUT AND TURN IT INTO A VASE FOR THE MANY SPIKY FLOWERS THAT I PURCHASE TO ROMANCE YOUR MEGACHESTASTACULAR WIFE AND YOU WILL SNEEZE FOREVER COS OF THE POLLEN.

Secretly Dark was dead hungry too since he hadn't eaten anything either! But luckily because Samanther had the giantest chests in the world she also had all the milk in the world to and Dark could drink it when he got thirsty and this made blud EVEN MADDER because Dark got to touch her bouncy lumps (_AN I KNOW THIS SOUNDS GROSS AND MADE UP BUT ITS NOT. THAT'S HOW CHESTS WORK! WE LEARNED IT BIOLOGY CLASS! I KNOW ITS COOL!_). It had been so long that he was starting to grow a messy mustache.

ALRIGHT. ENOUGH EATING. LET US COMBAT VIOLENTLY ONCE AGAIN FOR THE UNIVERSE!

Blud pulled his arm bones out. HE had sharpened them specially for the occasion and painted them gold and stuck handles and skulls and written naughty words like "F-CK" and "F-CKER" and "F-CKING" on them for stronger because they were SWEARSWORDS.

He put his swearsword over his head and stabbed it down into Darks head but missed and hit his foot instead. OH BALLS yelled blud hopping over the ring holding his foot and yipping like Misa getting a really good sexing and everyone laughed cos this was funny.

Now it was Dark's turn. While blud was hopping like mad dark got Samanther to make him a special milkshake by shaking her milky bits. This was the hottest thing that had ever happened in the world of the shinigami and the men shinigami all died of sexiness. The women all became lesbians and died too! Luckily they were in the land of the sinigami so they came back but dead and then died again and again and again but they couldn't stop looking.

She said a spell as she wobbled her bumps so it came out gold and glowing and Dark drank it and it made him go like super sayan except not cos this isn't dragonballz. It was like that though cos he went blonde and could fly like superman.

Dark shouted real loud and a fireball came out of his mouth! Then he sneezed and two more came out of his nose and they all hit blud and set his mowhawk on fire.

OH DOOSH yelled blud dipping his head in a tub of water. Now he was bald and everyone laughed EVEN LOUDER when they weren't dying (_IMAGINE IT! ITS PRETTY FUNNY_) In revenge he pulled his leg bones which were actually cannons and eachone had the stinger of a bee the size of a towtruck in it. He fired and the stingers hit dark in each arm and nailed him nailed to the wall.

The poison made his arms all stingy and stinky but luckily he was strong enough to gargle all the poison out and spit it at Blud. It missed but went passed him and hit the blood banana orchard!

NO NOT MY AGRICULTURTAL TREASURELAND THAT WAS ONCE THE GLOSSY HOME OF THE HUMBLE BLOOD BANANA blud yelled as poison got all over them and turned them into poison bananas made of poison. I CANNOT EAT MY BELOVED TREASURES NOW THEY HAVE BEEN BEFUDDLED WITH STINGY POISON

"Serves you right you pr-ck!" Samanther yelled and this distracted blud and made him look. Suddenly he saw her bouncers bouncing and he was distracted! He got out his wings and flew to Samanther.

HELLO LADY Blud said leeching at her and holding a rose made of blood (it was a messy rose and blood went everywhere but it's the fort that counts!) I SAY THAT IS ONE NICE MILK OSSCILATE THOU HAVE GOING ON THERE

"Yeah well you know what they say!" Samanther punched blud in the eyes with both hands and sent him burning like a fireball back into the arena. "MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE SHINGAMI TO THE ARENA."

NOOOOOOOO roared blud as he landed with a bump. Samanther jumped down and landed on him and the weight of her chest made it feel like getting stomped by a freight train.

"ALSO MY FIGHTING IS BETTER THAN YOURS! DAM RIGHT ITS BETTER THAN YOURS"

"Could you teach me?" said dark but only as a joke cos he knew all her moves cos he taught them all to her on the long hot nights of hard battle training on the battlefield.

"BUT ID HAVE TO CHARGE" (_LOOK UP KELIS IF YOU DON'T GET IT BUT IT'S A SONG ABOUT WARMING UP MILKSHAKE AND USING IT TO FILL YOUR YARD WITH BOYS SO THEY'LL TEACH PEEPS HOW TO MAKE MILKSHAKE FOR MONEY I GUESS?)_

"Ok lets just kick him instead"

They both started kicking blud and he was rolling around in the dust getting all dusty and yelling "ow!" when they hit him in the man bits which happened quite a lot since he used to his shinigami powers to give him hundreds of them all over his body which was good for sexing the many shinigami queens but not so good for not getting punched!

"Ha! Not so strong now are you!" said samanther and booted him in the mouth and made his vampire fangs fall out.

OW! I NEEDED THOSE BITERS TO DEVOURE THE BLOOD OF THE LIVING VERGINGS. NOW I WILL HAVE TO BE A VEGETARIAN EXCEPT YOU KILLED ALL THE BLOOD ABANAS TOO! FOR THIS THERE IS NO COMPENSATION!

Blud slumbered to his feet and pulled out his ribs. They were all wolverine claws and he put them on his hands and began slashing like mad everywhere (GET IT? BLUD DOES SLASH!) One hit slashed Dark in the eyes and made him a bit short sighted so he had to wear glasses.

Dark got out his royal death note and wrote blud in it just in case but it cant kill shinigamis. Then he tried to trick blud into killing another dude to save his life like happened with the chickly one of misa who death noted L and died but that dint work since THERE WAS NOONE LEFT TO KILL.

Blud got the upper hand LITERALLY! cos he took off his hand it was a hand grenade! (GET IT!)

LET ME GIVE YOU A HAND! Blud roared and handed the hand to Dark. It exploded and the hand slapped him and flew back to Blud. HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?

"I did not like it" said Dark truthfully rubbing the slapped bit.

WELL THERES PlENTY MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM roared blud but that wasn't really true cos there was only one hand left…

He used the other hand on Samanther and cos she felt sorry for it she let it touch her chest bits and lady bits and got happy.

"Oh! Blud! That is the best feeling I have ever had!" screamed Samanther as the hand danced over her like a mad dancer made of blood having sex with the dancefloor which was her body in this case. Dont forget that Samanther was a verging and she dint know what sexing felt like! Dark got all jealous! Blud who was just a pathetic king of all shinigami was unflowering HIS OWN WIFE!

Dark was so angry that he used his FINAL ATTACK and KOed Blud RIGHT IN THE BRAIN.

Blud died and fell on the floor screaming.

MY… BRAVE… YOUNG… APPRENTIC. Blud gasped. COME CLOSS… TO…. MEEEEE…. SO THAT I CAN… TELL… YOU… THE SECRETS OF MY PEOPLE

"Anything for you my wise master who alas became evil when we should have been best of friends and ruled this universe as one!" cried dark getting on his knees and not noticing the evil grin splattered all over bluds mouth.

COME…. CLOSER…. MY CHILD.

"of course!"

MIND MEMORY NOTHING SPELL OF THE FORGETTING MAGIC! Whispered Blud which were the magic brain rubbing words! Anyone who heard them got there brain all rubbed out and forgot who they were.

"NO!" yelled Dark! "I have been tricked! I am forgetting things! In just one hour I will have forgotten everything! I MUST KILL BLUD BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!"

"AND I MUST HELP!" shouted Samanther!

AND I MUST NOT DIE SO I CAN SEX WITH SAMANTHER AND SAMPLE HER LUCIUS OFFERINGS. Said blud.

_EPIC CONCLUSION! NEXT TIME! WILL BE THE LAST DARK YAGAMI EVER! Except there will be one more after but that's an epilog which is a thing that doesn't really count and no one bothers reading them BUT READ THIS ONE COS IT WILL BE EPIC. THERE WILL BE A TWIST DON'T FORGET!_


	45. Chapter 42 THE END HAS COME! AND A TWIST

_LAST PART! THIS IS A SAD TIME BUT A HAPPY ONE COS I FINALLY GET TO BRING OUT THE **AWESOME TWIST**._

"NOOO MY BRAINS ARE FALLING OUT!" shouted Dark but this wasn't really true but it felt like that cause his memories were oozing out of his ears like goop out of a goopy thing. "Help I cant remember what happened! Samanther give me the deets!"

"Well! First you lived at Watari House and then you adopted back by the Yagami family cos you are lights twin brother! You found a royal death note when you were exploring a cave one day and became a kira but there were loads of other kira dudes. Then you got a royal death note and were king of the world and then a load of stuff happened with the creepy dude and then you killed everyone and now you have to beat blud ONCES AND FOR ALL"

Dark got up. He could remember Samanther cos she was the boobly lady but not blud! He pointed at the giant thing who looked like a bat covered in blood and was the size of the sort of house a sort of rich but not very rich person would have.

"Is that blud?"

"It is my husband! Now go and kill! For victory!"

Dark ran towards Blud with his fists out. Blud was almost dead from Darks special attack but he still had enough life force to deflect the attack and the shockwaves went out in all directions and the world of the shinigami began to splinter into a billion billion billion bits.

HA HA HA YOU POOR DUDE trolled blud as he smashed dark in the head over and over. The force of the impacts set darks hair on fire and the smoke and ashs turned it gray. YOU CANNOT EVEN REMEMBER WHY YOU FIGHT ME

"I know that you were an evil dude AND THAT IS ENOUGH." Dark spun his arms like windmills and did a double uppercut to bluds chin. All his teeth broke out but because he was a vampire they grew back again.

YOU THINK I AM EVIL? YOU POOR DEPUDED FELLOW. THEY NEVER TOLD YOU DID THEY?

"Told me what you blood bathed freak!"

I HAVE BEEN ON YOUR SIDE ALL ALONG. SAMANTHER IS THE EVIL ONE.

"WHAT! WIFE IS THIS TRUE?"

"No! He is lying to tear us apart!"

"HOW DAR YOU!" roared dark and bit blud really hard. Blud didn't have blood inside so instead custard came spurting out!

OWWW screamed blud as his custard blood ran out. HEH HEH HEH WELL I MAY HAVE DIED BUT YOU DARK… YOU CANNOT EVEN REMEMBER YOUR WIFS NAME!

"That is not true!" gasped dark and then blud told him to search his feelings and he did and it was. "Her name is… Sa… Sa… I CANNOT REMEMBER!"

Blud laughed and died for real and his corpse turned into power ups.

"Sally? Sandra? Sandy? Sakura? Sarah? Salope? I CANNOT REMEMBER"

With that all the memories fell out of dark's brain and he went bam on the ground.

"DARK!" screamed samanther and ran over.

NOT SO FAST MISSY said the ghost of blud using his ghost powers to see through her top. THE MAGIC SPELL MADE A BOMB IN DARKS BRAIN. IF HE EVER REMEMBERS WHO HE IS OR WHO YOU ARE HIS HEAD WILL EXPLODE.

"Then what should I do?" cried samanther sobbing tears of sadness.

INVENT A NEW LIFE FOR HIM. THERE IS A TIME MACHINE IN MY PALACE. USE IT AND START AGAIN. Then blud faded away forever to go to heaven where there were all the blood bananas ever and he was happy again.

Samanther nodded bravely and carried darks memoryless body to the palace. There was something blud didn't know… SHE AND DARK HAD GOT PREGNANT WHILE BLUD WAS OUT COLD.

The months went by and dark stayed in a coma and samanther had to feed him soup every day. Her belly got bigger and bigger as the babies inside got bigger also.

She kept Dark in the kitchen because it was the one part of the palace that wasn't dead but because blud dint eat much it was mostly just blood bananas. While dark ate all the soup she had to eat cheerios and soy sauce which tasted gross (AN: I TESTED THIS AND IT DOES).

One day before she gave birth dark woke up.

"Where… where am I? Who am I? When am I? Why am I?" he breathed looking at his hands in amazement. He had spent many months asleep and he was now gray and moustachy and still wore glasses and he was taller.

"My husband, D…" samanther said then remembered the bomb.

"What did you call me?" questioned the dude who couldn't remember his name.

Samanther looked at the bowl she had left on the side cos it was gross. "Soy…. Cheerios… Soichiro!"

"Soichiro… that sounds like a policemanly name. I will be a cop!" he said and picked up a police hat. "What is my surname?"

At that moment Might Yagami woofed in. He wasn't dead after all!"

"Yagami! After the dog!"

"How about you wife? What is your name?"

"I am… aRGHHHH" screamed samanther as she started to give birth. GET ME TO THE HOSPTIAL QUICK."

"There are no hospitals in the shinigami world!" dark who was now soichiro asked. "But I will help you know with my policemanly powers!"

**FIVE MINUTES LATER (I didn't want to write about the birth cos that would be gross and it would all be screaming and blood)**

Soichiro looked at the babies because they were triplets. "What will we them wife?"

SAmanther looked at the happiest baby who had light brown hair. "This baby will be the LIGHT OF THE WORLD one day so I will call him Light." She picked up the other. "And this one should be called dark so they match." She picked up the last. "Also they came out at night so the last one will be called NIGHT." She hugged the babies tight. Something clicked in Soichiro's memory.

"I know your name!" Soichiro roared! "It's Sa… Sa… Sa…" The bomb in his brain started to beep.

"Forget my name!" shouted Samanther who didn't want her husband to explode. "From now on you can call me… Lights mom. Come let us go to the city and buy a house and have ADVENTURES!"

They all went to the time machine room and Soichiro and Lights mom and Light and Dark and Night and Might all went to the past! FOR ADVENTURES!

_ITS NOT OVER YET! CHECK OUT THE EPILOG COMING SOON!_


	46. Epilog 1 WHO IS WATARI?

_SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG BUT THIS BIT IS LONG TOO SO IT ALL WORKS OUT OK IN THE END! ITS SO LONG THAT I HAD TO MAKE IT IN TWO PARTS LICK DEADLY HALOS OR BREAKING DAWN (OMG BELLA IS A VAMPIE?) _

_EXCEPT HIS WILL BE EVEN BETTER THAN HARRY POTTER AND TWILIGHT PUT TOGETHER COS IT WILL HAVE THREE PARTS COS I CANT EXPLAIN EVERYTHING OTHERWISE! IT WILL BE SUPER LONG SO GET A CUP OF TEA OR COUGHY OR HOT CHOC OR HOT WATER AND SIT IN A BIG ARMCHAIR WITH A FIRE AND A RAVEN AND SOME SHIT LIKE THAT AND ENJOY!_

In England it was the past. Watari (he was the britishy dude remember! He had guns and a helicopter in the future but its not the future yet so HOLD YOURE HORSES SHEESH) was a lad (british for kid!) and he was walking all over the place cos the car was not invented yet. The queen went passed in a huge coach with wheels made of diamond and horses made of robot parts and doors that were actually peeps she paid to stand in the door hole and block the wind which was full of rain and snow and sleet and hail and all that wet stuff. The wheels hit a puddle and went SPLOOOSH and brown stinky water went everywhere and hit watari and got him all wet.

"GOR BLIMY THAT IS THE RUDDY LASTEST STRAW!" he bellowed jumping on his hat. "IM SO SODDING ANGRY NOW! THIS DAY COULD NOT GET ANY BLASTFOUNDED WORSE."

BUT THE QUEEN HEARD HIM.

She pushed the door open by which I mean she pushed the door dude off and he fell in the puddle and went SPLOOSH also and made Watari even wetter.

"Watari Bumblesnoot The Third (AN: DOES WATARI HAVE A LAST NAME? IF NOT I WILL MAKE IT BUMBLESNOOT)!" she roared smacking him upside the head with her big royal stick. "You should have more respect to your own mother!"

"YOUR NOT MY MOM OK?" Watari screamed so loud that even dudes in the future could hear him. "GOD I WISH YOUD NEVER ADOPTED ME. WHEN I AM OLDER I WILL TAKE MY REVENGING AND THE WHOLE ARSING WORLD WILL FEAR THE NAME WATARI BUMBLESNOOT."

The queen slapped him again and he fell in the puddle and got all wet. She road away on the wet muddy road spattering all the peeps who stopped to bow to her.

Watari walked away mumbling britishy swearwords like "GIT" and "DUFFER" and "DOOSHBAG" as loud as he could. Then there was a spat behind him.

He looked over... and there was a BOOK ONT THE FLOOR?

WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN? I HOPE ITS NOT A BOOK THAT KILLS DUDES WHOS NAMES ARE WRITTEN IN IT! ;) ;) ;)

**MEANWHILE IN JAPAN**

Nothing was happening right now but...

**IN FUTURE JAPAN**

A guy was in his apartment watching animes. His whole apartment was made of candy and there was more candy in the fridge and a mountain dew.

"Even though i am the smartest dude in America" the guy said "I am glad that i am not a detective because that means i can watch my animes in piece!" he laughed as a guy blasted another guy with magic powers. "Yes it is a good thing that all crime was wiped out a thousand years ago by that mysterious ANCIENT KIRA that legend talks off!"

There was a nock on the door. The dude realised he was naked and super fat cos all he did was watch tv and eat sugar and there were bees in the walls making honey so if he ate a wall they just made it again from honey! He put a tshirt and some jeans on and karate chopped his way to the door (HE HAS TO KARATE CHOP TO GET ALL THE BEES OUT OF THE WAY).

At the door was an old man with glasses and a moustache. He walked in and got bit by all the bees so he had to start karate chopping. They didn't stop karate chopping so just remember that they are karate chopping for all the rest of this scene OK!

"Konnycheewar!" the not-naked dude said in Japanish (IT MEANS HELLO).

"Yo" the moustache man karate chopped. "I need you to help me FIGHT CRIME"

"But there is no such thing as krime ikadaymasu!" the fat dude said munching up his washing machine (it was also made of candy so it melted if you put water in it so it was useless for anything other than eating!)

"THERE WILL BE MY CLEVERLY CHUM THERE WILL BE!"

And with that HE VANISHED!

The sweety dude was shocked and ate his whole apartment to make sure that the moustache dude wasn't hiding BUT HE WAS GONE.

**IN THE NINETYS**

It was the ninetys in America. Everyone was watching Friends and lissening to Nirvana and Backseat Boys on records and driving motorbikes and wearing lever jackets everywhere and being all slick and watching flims like Goastbusters and Lord of the rings! There was no thing as the internet yet so peeps had to download stuff from their TV instead.

A time machine appeared and stopped in the middle of the road! A car crashed into it and smashed through and ended up in the past!

**IN THE PAST (WE WILL LEAERN MORE ABOUT THE TIME MACHINE IN THE FUTRUE BUT NOW ITS THE PAST AGAIN SOZ DUDES)**

"GOR BLIMY THAT IS THE SECOND RUDDY LASTEST STRAW!" Watari bellowed again jumping on his hat again. "IM SO SODDING ANGRY NOW AGAIN! THIS DAY COULD NOT GET ANY BLASTFOUNDED WORSE AGAIN."

Then the car landed and hit the piddle and splashed him AGAIN. Dock Brown (HE HAS THE SAME NAME AS THE WHITE HAIR GUY FROM BACK TO THE FUTURE AND HE LOOKS LICK HIM BUT ITS NOT HIM IT WAS JUST A COINCIDENCE) got out. Little did he no his car had just been turned into a TIME CAR.

"Great scot!" he said cos he was in Scotland (GET IT!) "Sorry! You can have my car to make up for it!" he said giving Watari the keys.

Watari looked at the guy but he was too busy reading his book to see him. There was nothing writ in it but he was reading it anyway just to make sure. Then he saw the cover! It said "THE HUMAN WHO'S NAME IS WRIT IN THIS BOOK WILL DIE"

"RUDDY WHAT?" watari bellowed. His shout was even louder this time and he became a man. "I AM SO SODDING ANGRY THAT I WANT TO BLASTED KILL YOU! TELL ME GOOD SIR! WHAT IS YOUR BLOODENATING NAME?"

"I am Dock Brown!" the guy said and Watari writ it in the book with a feather cos it was the past and the guy died!

"I SEE IT WORKS" watari panted stealing the dudes car and getting the keys. "NOW TO BECOME... ANCIENT KIRA"

**BACK IN THE NINTEYS**

"What the bothering fiddlesticks was that" Samanther who was now called Lights Mom cos she was lights mom. She had three happy babbys: Light Dark and Night who were all happy but their diapers were stinky.

"I do not know my loved wif!" Soichiro (REALLY DARK REMEMBER! BUT HE DOESNT COS BLUD WIPPED HIS BRAIN) "But this is a nice plaice! Lets live here!" so they bought a house with all Soichiros police money and settled down and Soichiro got a job as a policeman and Lights mom won baking competions and got millions of dollars.

Then one day the doorbell said "DING DONG" and they opened it to find a man with a moustache.

"What do you want?" Soichiro spat in the guys face cos he was dead angry cos he had been sexing with Samanther and she was the sexyest not-lesbean woman on the planet. Samanther new the dude was watari but she could not tell soichiro cos of the brain bomb.

"GOODEST OF DAYS TO YOU MINE FINEST OF SIRS" he britished up so hard that all the grass in the garden went into a british flag and the birds started signing GOD SAVE THE QUEEN. "I AM THE HEADMARSTER OF A SHINY NEW BOREDING SCOOL IN THE AREA AND I WANT YOUR THREE LADS TO BECOME MY APPRENTISES!"

"Oh sorry dude" Soichiro said mashing a towel into Wataris face to mop away the spit. "Yes that sounds like a good idea. What are your moneys?"

"A HUNDRED POUNDS A YEAR"

"British money! I cannot afoured that!" soichiro said back sadly. "I used spent all my cash on this house!"

"WELL THEN WHO IS YOUR STUPIDEST KID?"

"Light." Soichrio said back straight away. "He is a thick dude and tried to marry the TV this one time and another time he drew his face on the toilet and called it Fart Yagami."

"THAT IS MEGA SODDING DAFT (AN: BRITISH FOR STUPID)" watari screeched back. "WE DONT WANT HIM COS HE WOULD JUST STINK UP THE PLACE."

"Ok I can send the other two"

"EXCELLENT" he Mr Burnsed. "THERE IS JUST CONDISHUN"

"Anything!" Lights Mom gasped. She had never seen Watari when he was this yung and he was an incredibly hansom dude without his super ageyness. She writ his name down in her sex note which wasn't a real Sex Note but just a book of dudes to have sex with. Until now it had JUST ONE NAME IN IT: DARK YAGAMI! Whcih she had to cross out and write soichiro instead.

"YOU HAVE TO NOT TELL LIGHT JUST IN CASE HE BECOMES EVIL OR SOMETHING"

"Will do!" soichiro saluted like a police dude. "Come along kiddies!" he Gave Dark and Night to Watari who grabbed them and stuffed them in a box named "BORING STUFF DO NOT X-RAY".

"Where are Dark and Night goin daddy?" Light who was still a baby asked trying to punch himself in the mirror.

"To a magic school son!"

"IS IT HOGWARTS DAD?"

Soichiro looked at Watari.

"Is your school Hogwarts?"

"ITS NOT F-CKING HOGWARTS" he screeched back.

"Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan I don't care then" light said and started biting the mirror in case he was a mirror vampire.

They went to airport. The airport men were suspicious because a strange boy who spoke old timey had said that there would be an old man with some kiddies and he was EVIL.

"Are you the evil man?" they asked watari. They didn't know it was him cos it was the ninetys and he wasn't old yet so he fooled them!

"NO MY GORDENBENNET!" watari said back.

"Are there kids in your box?" all the security dudes said at the same time cos they all had the same idea and it smelled of babys.

"NO ITS A CHEST OF BEFOULED NAPPIES (AN: BRITISH FOR DAIPERS)"

They all said ew and decided not to look in cos diapers were gross.

The plane went woosh in the air and then woosh down again at Whales Internation Airport. They got out and watari went to his house. There were a bunch of kids there and heres there deets!

**MELLO**: he was eating chocolate and he sometimes put on a dress and called himself lady gaga and he was world famous as the best signer who ever sang a song about poker faces and his papa who is called Ratzy cos he was actually a rat with a human brain.

**KHAOS**: he had a bunch of robot girlfriends who were all called Karen and katasha and Kloey and Kim and all that lick the kardashians cos one day they would get super famous for something and be on tv or something. He owned Ratzy and this meant mello was his slave!

**SAMANTHER**: she would grow up to be lights mom but right now she was just a kid and she solved really hard maths puzzles like E=mc2 and Sudoku and piethagoras.

**COOL** DUDE: at the moment he was called UNCOOL DUDE cos he had spots and dint know how to spell "COOL" yet and kept writing "UNCOOL" instead.

**MATT**: cos it was the ninetys he was playing pokemon red on his genesis and got a highscore and court mewtwo.

**NEAR: e**veryone hated him so he was tied in the corner and gagged and he kept trying to shout but all he said was "M MM MMMMMM MMMMMM. MMMM MMMM MM MMM MMMM MMM MMMMMMM MMMMMM MMMM MM MM MMMM MM MM MMMM MMMM!"

**BEYOND BIRTHDAY: **it was never his birthday so he was sad.

**ROGER**: he was not a kid but he was the caretaker and all he said was "I HATE CHILDREN" all the time and laughed like an evil man and didn't give them some more at meal times and did creepy things with his dog (SEE THE OTHER STORY I FORGET WHICH FOR THE DEETS).

"WELCOME TO YOUR NEW HOME" they all sang like happy birthday (except Birthday who cried at the birthday and Near who sang "MMMMMMM MM MMMM MMM MMMM"

"Very interesting" Dark said making his eyes look all evil. "Now what will happen next..."

_FIND OUT SOON! DISCOVER HOW DARK BECAME KIRA AND WHY EVERYONE HATES NEAR AND THE STRANGE OREGONS OF WATARI BUMBLESNOOT. THE DEATH NOTE UNIVERSE HAS NEVER BEAN THIS REEL! IF YOU FORGOT WHO THESE DUDES WHERE CHECK OUT MY TWITTER REALDARKYAGAMI WHICH EXPLAINS IT ALL. THEN READ IT AGAIN COS ITS SO GOOD!_


	47. Epilog 2 SPIN THE BOTTLE AND DUDES DIE!

HEY GUYS! ROOOOUND TWO! ARE YOU READY? THE ANSER BETTER BE YES COS ITS GOIN AGAIN ANYWAY! I WENT TO LONDON IN ENGLAND FOR NEW YEAR AND THEN SOME PLACE CALLED MANCHESTER TO SEE MY ANTY AND WE ATE INDIAN FOOD WHICH WAS GOOD BUT ODD COS THE INDIANS ARE FROM INDIA NOT AMERICA LIKE THE AMERICAN INDIANS FROM THANKSGIVING. ANYWAY NOW I HAVE SEEN BRITISH THINGS THE BRITISH OF MY FIC WILL BE **EVEN MORE REAL!** STAY TUNED!

**So anyway there at Wammy House in the 90s at night**

"GO TO BED YOU STINKING BRATS OR I WILL TURN YOUR ARSES INTO chicken tikka masala (its a britishy Indian food! Its red LIKE BLOOD. MAYBE IT IS BLOOD?) AND SERVE IT BACK TO YOU ON A PLATE MADE OF THE QUEENS HATS" roared roger but they all ignored him and he walked away grumbling about those pesky kids.

"Let's play truth or dare!" squiggled Mello getting a bottle out of his pants where he kept it to pretend he had a big man thing when actually it was the smallest in Europe.

"Yay!" they all said except near (he was NEARLY tied up! Actually he was totally tied up but his name's Near not Total. OR IS IT?). They sat in a circle and Mello spinned the bottle first. He spinned it too hard and it flew in the air and b-tch slapped near on the chops like a pro. "HEY NEAR TRUTH OR DARE" mello roared lolling as blood explossomed out like a rainbow if all the colours except red were stolen by an evil leprechorn and instead of a pot of gold he had a pot of dead sparrows but they weren't dead they were zombies and they terrorised ireland.

"MMMM" said near which was dare cos it had four letters.

"OK Then! Mello gasped. "I dare you to... STAND ON YOUR HEAD FOR TEN HOURS"

Near did that but after like ten seconds he fell over cos his hands were still tied and he had to do four fits by taking off a pies of his cloths.

Now Matt got the bottle and spinned it and it pointed to Matt.

"Matt I dare you to be awesome!"

"OK I WIN" said matt. Then Dark pointed to him that he wasn't awesome at all cos he played Barbies Horsie Barbie Pony Horsing or something lame on his 3DS so matt stripped off his goggles.

He span the bottle again and hit Dark.

"TRUTH OR DARE DARK"

"Truth!" Dark said nobbly. He believed in truth cos he was AMERICAN and now it was time to PUT IT TO THE TEST.

"Are you ancient kira?" Matt asked suddenly. He dint know why he done it – it felt like a ghost from a dark past has possessed him... OR A DARK FUTURE.

"nopers" Dark said and got the bottle and turned it. It pointed at Beyond Birthday.

"Dare!" said BB

"I dare you to become an evil dude one day"

"OK" said BB (SEE! ITS ALL EXPLAINED NOW!)

Birthday got the bottle and pointed it at samanther.

"Dare!"

"I dare you to kiss me"

Birthday was gross cos he was L but grosser. His face was smeared with british candies like licorice alsorts (GROSS) and crunchy (NOT GROSS).

Samanther did her face all scrunchy style but dint want to four fit cos she had forgot to put on her undies today and if she taked off her clothes people would see her chesty bits or lady bits. She kissed Birthday and he stuck his tongue in her mouth and it was nasty and he started holding her chesty bits.

Dark jumped in and punched Birthday. "THE LADY SAID NO!"

"Thank you dark!" she said swooning. No man had ever saved her so strongly before. She could feel a buzzling sensation in her heart. Was this... LOVE? And they both had there first kiss together and it was so romantic that Birthday had to go to the bathroom and get happy.

**MEANWHILE IN JAPAN**

The fat dude had searched everywhere in his apartment for ancient kira and he wasn't under the couch or anything. There was only one place left to look... OUTSIDE. He got dressed for the first time in 20 years and went outside. He was so fat that he had to run and the exercise got rid of the fat but he was still all wrinkly and thats why he became L!

The trees were happy and the birds were too and the Japanish people walking around saying things. He ate a pocky (its a long pokey thing made of crackers and chocolate!) and looked under all the trees. There was a whud behind him. He looked down... AND SAW A BOOK

The cover said "ANCIENT DEATH NOTE" and in fact it was singing it over and over to the song of jingle bells like

ANCIENT DEATH NOTE

ANCIENT DEATH NOTE

ANCIENT NOTE OF DEATH

OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO KILL

AND MAKE PEEPS REALLY ILL

He picked it up and a shinigami appeared. He was really short and squeaky and had a mowhawk made of blood and skulls but only really small bloods and skulls like mice or something.

_**YO I AM YOUNGBLUD PRINCE OF THE SHINIGAMI**_ he said doing up his pilot jacket

"Hello San-Youngblud!" said L shaking his hand. "I am looking for ancient kira. Do YOUUUUUUUU want to help?

_**I DO BUT I NO RIGHT NOW THAT YOU HAVE ALREADY FOUND HIM**_ said youngblud polishing his lever pants.

"SPOILERS" lolled L and they started looking around.

"Ok who is ancient kira" said L cos actually he was bored and wanted to get to the plot instead of have hilarious antics where hed look in laddies skirts for kira or something.

_**ITS YOU**_! Youngblud boomed and everyone in Tokyo heard him! They were furious that he had been killing dudes for centuries and all formed a big mob to tear him up and eat him.

"How did this happen?" lolled L as he sent his killer bees and killed them all.

**HOW IT HAPPENED... IN THE PAST**

**The past of England that is**

Watari writ the last name in his death note. Every evil dude in the world was dead. Now no one could have evil kids and thee day would be saved.

But one day a new evil would appear from a meteor or something! He knew this day would come... but how could he save it? He had a plan! He used his magic note to summon a new note in the future (this was the ancient death note and you know how that went down)! Then he went to the shinigami world. There he found an angry baby abandoned by its dad the KING OF SHINIGAMI.

"AHOY THERE MY BUGGERING DUCK" watari said slapping the baby on the nosebump to make it wake up.

_**Waa waa waa**_ said the baby.

"I WILL RAISE YOU CARRY ON MY DUTIES WHEN I DIE WHICH WILL BE NEVER BECAUSE I HAVE THE SORCERORS STONE AND WILL USE IT TO BE IMMORTAL SO THE ONLY WAY TO KILL ME WILL BE ONE ON ONE COMBAT WITH A WORTHY OPPONENT AND ALSO HE WILL HAVE A MUSTACHE." Watari roared and he took it home and started a magic school like Hogwarts to raise the baby himself.

"I WILL NAME YOU AFTER YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD!" watari screeched punching walls out of the ground with his bare hands. "BLOOD! EXCEPT IT NEEDS TO BE BADASSER SO IT WILL BE SPELLED BLUD"

Blud fort this was really awesome but cos he was a baby all he could do was farted.

**BACK IN AMERICA**

Light was a teenager now and he went to school. Also he had a sister now called sayu and she was so hot that Light had to beat up all the dudes who wanted to be her boyfriend when in fact she was a lesbian but he didn't know but luckily he was a jerk so he beat up her boyfriends anyway.

He found a death note and ryuk was in it and blah blah you saw this already. But then things changed! I WILL WRITE MORE TOMORROW

IT IS TOMORROW AND I AM WRITNG MORE SO HERE GOES NOTHING!

One day Light woke up and did hid stretches and had a shower and wiped butter on his abs to make them shiny and make it look like he had abs and got dressed and went to kira some evil guys... BUT IT WAS GONE!

"WHERE THE FRIGGING DIG IS MY DEATH NOTE?" he swore and Lights Mom came in and told him off for swearing and gave him a slapped ass on the ass.

A misteryous laughter rifled through the window like lemonade fizzling into the iceberg hole of the titanic.

"I have taken your death note" the voice said "I will return it when my evil deeds are done... OR NOT?"

"Ok!" light said and he got his gamecube out and played sonic cos it was the past but that evil voice... sounded Japanish he fort as he made sonic do a loop.

**Back at the slumber party in the 90s!**

Everyone was asleep now. Near was naked cos he lost all his four fits and everyone had lolled at his ugly bod. Mello had been dared to glue himself to the ceiling so he was stuck there for now. Cool Dude had got drunk on Rgoers beer and started kissing matt who was also drunk and everyone had lolled EVEN MORE.

But now they were asleep.

The was a rap at the window (NOT LIKE KANYE LOL I MEAN A NOISE!). Dark got up and went to the window. He opened it. Outside he saw a shadowy shadow shadowing away in the shadows. Dark got his underpants on and went outside to investigate.

There was a pile of candies on the floor and they made a long line stretching into the forest around Watari house. This was Sherlock forest and in ancient times Robin Hood and his merry man had walked around murdering dudes for there money and burying it in there treasure cave. Noone new where this treasure cave was and whenever the kids weren't learning algebra or being super awesome super agents from L they went here to look for treasure.

Dark followed the candies but he was hungry so he started eating them. Little did he no... THEY WERE DRUGGED.

He kept munching and walking and wondering why he was having all these crazy hallusinations of dark shadow dudes with eyes made of blood and fingers made of the skulls of dead presidents and a mouth lined with billions of sharks all snapping away. He fort they were hallusinations... BUT THEY WERENT!

Eventually he got Robin Hoods house. He had never been here before because Robin had made a spell that meant that only peeps who were all drugged up could see it. Behind it he could see a strange light coming from a cave...

He went into the cave and there was more gold than he had ever seen in his hole life piled around him like so much gold. There were coins and cups and swords and helmets and necklaces and motorboats and tanks and pipes and pyramids and tables and chairs and knifes and forks and spoons and statues of naked ladies and horses and a train and four arrows. These were the ancient treasures of sir robin of hood!

In the middle of the room Dark fort he saw a big dark dude the size of a really big bolder with a mowhawk made of blood and skulls and fangs and samuri sords and a leather jacket that was made from human leather and he was holding a smaller evil clown dude by the neck.

The evil clown dude was crying but his crys dint stop the strangling.

"Put me down" he spluttered as his eye and nose water went everywhere.

"_**NO BECAUSE I NEED YOUR DEATH NOTE FOR AN EVIL PLAN**_" the big dude said.

Dark ignored all this cos he fort he was hallusinating... BUT HE WASNT. In fact there had been no drugs in the candys at all and Dark just fort there was cos he fort the shinigami were hallusinations! TRICKED YOU!

The big dude started rooting in the little dudes cloths and pulled out a black book. It said DEATH NOTE on the front because it was a death note.

The evil dude through the little dude away and he went splat on a big pile of sords and started crying more.

"_**SHUT UP RUYK OR I WILL PUT A MAYPOLE INTO YOUR SKULL AND MAKE THE KIDDIES DANCE OVER YOUR FACE**_**"** the big dude said and then he got his own death note out but this one said ANCIENT DEATH NOTE and it was still singing Christmas carols and this time it was rudloph the red nose raindeer.

ANCIENT DEATH NOTE

HAD A VERY EVIL POWER

AND IF YOU EVER WRIT IN IT

AN EVIL DUDE WOULD SURELY DIE

ALL OF THE OTHER SHINIGAMI

USED TO LAUGH AND CALL IT NAMES

THEY NEVER LET POOR YOUNGBLUD

JOIN IN ANY SHINIGAMI GAMES

THEN ONE FROGGY DAY IN THE LAND OF THE SHINIGAMI

THE KING OF THE SHINIGAMI CAME TO SAY

"BLUD WITH YOUR NOTE SO POWERFUL

PLEASE DONT MURDER US TONIGHT"

THEN ALL THE SHINIGAMI DIED

THEY ALL SHOUTED OUT THEN DIED

"ANCIENT DEATH NOTE

YOU MADE US ALL GO DEAD"

"_**AND THAT IS HOW I BECAME KING OF THE SHINIGAMI"**__ Blud roared. "__**AND NOW TO MAKE THE DEATHNOTE THAT WILL BE THE SAUCE OF MY EVIL POWER**_**"** he said smooshing the ancient and regular death note together to make... A ROYAL DEATH NOTE.

**WE'LL FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED NEXT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER BUT HERE IS A PREVIEW!**

"_**I DID WHAT YOU SAID MY BLACKLY HAIRED BUDDY**_" Blud said doing a Japanish bow.

"Gooooooood" L said evily. "Everything went JUST AS PLANNED"

**GASP!**

**TUNE IN NECKS TIME FOR THE LAST EVER PART FOR REAL THIS TIME!**


	48. Epilog 3 IT ALL COMES TOGETHER! THE END!

_HEY DUDES AND LADYDUDES AND SOME OTHER PEEPS MAYBE? I WRITTHIS BUT THEN I HAD TO REWRIT IT A LOT TO MAKE IT A __**TRUELY EPIC ENDING TO THE GRATEST STORY IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD! :-P**__ Soz it took so long but i hope you looooooooooooooove this FINAL TO END ALL FINALS!_

Blud looked at the royal death note that sat in his hands like an evil book sitting in his hands. Ruyk looked even harder and it was so f-cking cool that he started dancing on teh spot and he fell and landed on a pile of apple flavor heroine! (AN: THATS WHY HE LOVES APPLES SO MUCH COS HE HAS A DICTION.) Dark starting laughing and Bluds head twisted round like the exorcist girl and there was a mad look on his face and his eyes were so big that it was lick two blimps exploding out of his face on fire and his grin was made of teeth so sharp that whenever he bit he split nuclears and made explosions happen!

**MEANWHILE IN SPACE**

The comet was ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOM to earth! Yotsuba stood on the roof staring down at the planet. The comet wasn't a real comet cos it came from another planet and it had a rocket on the back.

"F-CK I REALLY WANT A DOG" yotsuba screamed but in space NOONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM! So no one new he wanted a dog and he was dead lonely which is why he was coming to earth.

The comet SMASHED into the sea and no one knew what it was cos it was like a new island so they called it AUSTRALIA and went to live there BUT LITTLE DID THEY NO that yotsuba was there being evil and shit!

**BACK IN THE CAVE**

Blud looked at the royal death note again just in case it was still there and then looked at dark.

"_**YOU LOOK LIKE A STUPID PATSY! BOY!"**_ Blud snarled. Dark just lolled and ripped off his shirt.

"Would a stupid patsy do THIS?" he asked and Blud looked all down and whispered "_**no**_."

Dark flipped off Blud and started to grab all robin hoods gold so he could sell it. He was richer than Michael felps (IF YOU DONT KNOW WHO HE IS WATCH THE NEWS LOL!) cos felps had 18 golds but now dark had like 500. _**"WAIT I HAVE A PLAN FOR YOU BOY"**_ blud sniffed and spat a lot of slimy snot on the floor and his snot was a shinigami too and that's where the slimy shinigami came from!

"What is it you fat stupid bloodyman? Is your plan for me to get you a baby bottle for the baby which is you!" Dark said and his burn was so sick that all the other shinigami laughed at Blud.

"_**I AHVE A BETTER PLAN" blud peeked "TAKE THIS BOOK AND WRITE THE NAMES OF EVIL DUDES IN IT..."**_

"But there are no evil dudes!" Dark gapped. "Ancient Kira killed them all in shakespeary times!"

"_**OH REALLY...**__"_ There was a BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM so loud that it sounded like hell but if hell had a black hole in the middle and was getting reverse-exploded and all the nuclears in the world where exploding at once to try to save it but it wasn't enough as the comment BOOOOOOOOMED into the sea and it was AUSTRALIA and yotsuba was there and you no the drill. _**RIGHT ON CUE!**_

"What was that?" Dark sound trying to sound all chill cos actually he was pretty chill.

"_**EVIL COMING BACK..."**__ Blud grinned. __**"SO I JUST MET YOU AND THIS SOUNDS CRAZY BUT HERES A ROYAL DEATH NOTE BUT KILL ALL THOSE EVIL DUDES MAYBE!**_**" **LIKE THE SONG!

"K!" Dark said and he ran back to wammy house with a load of gold stuffed his pants.

**BUT THEN HE WOKE UP**

"Man was that all a dream?" Dark sighed.

"Nope!" Mello said cos he was still stuck on the ceiling (SEE THE LAST CHAP IF YOU FORGOT WHY BUT BASICLY HE WAS DARED TO STICK HIMSELF TO THE CEILING SO HE STUCK HIMSELF TO THE CIELING AND NOW HES STILL STUCK THERE COS HE USED REALLY STICKY GLUE TO STICK HIMSELF). "You did all that crazy shit!"

"That's good!" Dark said and he found the royal death note under his pillow. "Now to do some STUFF!"

**BACK IN THE CAVE WHICH WAS JUST A DREAM... OR WAS IT?**

A crinkle assed coppy man with a chocolate in each shoe and another in his mouth walked into the cave roughing up his hands together.

"_**I DID WHAT YOU SAID MY BLACKLY HAIRED BUDDY**_" Blud said doing a Japanish bow.

"Gooooooood" L said evily. "Everything went JUST AS PLANNED"

"What is your plan" Ruyk asked cos he was too stupid to remember hard things like plans and phone numbers.

"My plan... IS TO GET A JOB AS THE WORLDS GREATEST DETECTIVE!" L laughed hard. "I PLANNED THIS ALL ALONG! I SENT A MESSAGE TO THE EVIL PLANET TELLING THEM ABOUT A VERY SPECIAL DOG..."

**IN AMERICA**

There was a ding dong. Lights mom opened the door AND A GUNSHOT AND A BULLET SHOT THROUGH HER AND BLOOD WENT EVERYWHERE! Luckily it missed her organs and went splat on the wall so she was ok and didn't realise.

"Hello" she said taking off her dress cos Soichiro wasn't in and she wanted SEX!

"Hellooooooo" the door man greased putting away his gun. "I hear you have a doooooooog."

"Why yes I do!" lights mom said.

"Can I haaaaaaaave him?"

"Only if you sex me right up!" Lights mom said so they sexed right there in the hallways so Light's Mom could write a new name in her sex note... YOTSUBA. He was quiet good at sexing but not as good as anyone else she had ever sexed with. "Here is the dog!" she said and she gave him Might Yagami! (THATS WHERE HE GOT THE DOG!)

"Thaaaaaaaank you" the man said and he closed the door... but before he went HE GOT LIGHTS DEATH NOTE AND PUT IT IN THE SCANNER AND EMAILED IT TO HIMSELF!

"Wait where did all this blood come from!?" Lights mom squarked.

**In ancient times**

Watari was a kid and walking around the streets of London. He looked at the ground and saw a sad baby. This babby was sad cos it was japanish and japan hadn't been invented yet!

"HELLO MY WEE BABBILING CHUMPOT?" Watari said. "YOU HAVE A SHITE FILLED NAPPY (ENGLISH FOR DAIPER!)"

The baby smiled and starred hard at watari. Thats when watari new... THIS BABY WAS L.

Adult L jumped out of a puddle

"Hey gramps!" he said and he grabbed watari and tied him up in a rope and his own tie. He stole watari's death note and threw it at the babby. "I see you have stumbled onto MY LITTLE PLAN"

Then a clone of watari came out of the puddle which was really a time portal. He stood next to Watari and they looked the same! Except the mustache...

"WHO IN THE NAME OF THE QUEENS CHESTY BITS ARE YOU?" Watari said and someone punched him for being mean to the queen.

"This is your clone. He looks NEARLY the same as you..." L grinned. "So I will call him... NEAR."

L got out a chainsaw and RIPPED watari's mustache so hard that it all came off and CRAMMED it into the clone's face.

"Well now HE is watari and YOU are near!" L laughed. "NEAR DEAD THAT IS!" and he laughed so hard that the fire of London started. L and new near who was old watari jumped in the time puddle to escape just before the flame got them!

**IN ENGLAND**

Near stayed tied up for years and that's why all he said in Epilog 1 was "M MM MMMMMM MMMMMM. MMMM MMMM MM MMM MMMM MMM MMMMMMM MMMMMM MMMM MM MM MMMM MM MM MMMM MMMM!" which means "I AM REALLY WATARI! NEAR TIED ME AND TOOK THE ANCIENT DEATH NOTE TO DO EVIL SO HE WOOD RULE!" (an: i am super surprised noone worked this out! IT WAS OBVIOUS.) In the end he forgot all about watari and L hipnotised him with legos so he started to love legos SO HARD and he fort legos were sexy and tried to sex a lady made of legos once which in the future Night will realise when she reads his mind! There was no reason for this but L fort it would be funny to watch watari frenching it up to third base with a lego laddy. AND IT WAS.

AND THATS WHY wATARI AND NEAR BOTH HAVE THE SAME HAIR COLOR! :O :I :O :I :O

So meanwhile near who was pretending to be watari was ruling watari house and using all his powers to train up Dark for L and sending messages to alien worlds full of evil so that more evil would come to earth and then there would be evil and people would look at stuff and shout "save us" and L would be like "Yo guys good thing i had a school full of detectives FOR JUST THIS PURPOSE ;)" and they'd call him a hero AND IT ALL WORKED. So that happened.

**BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BABY?**

Back in ancient England the baby looked at the remains of London after the fire and it new that there was nothing for it in England. So the baby grew up and built a boat and sailed around the world to the empty ocean. Then it got out its Ancient Death Note and writ "JAPAN" in there and a comet splashed into the sea and japan was there and now he had a home!

There were hundreds of years until the future so the baby GOT PRACTICING and started learning everything ever so that one day it would be the best detective in the world.

**NOW EVERYTHING COMES TOGETHER**

Dark had his royal death note and he was kiraing dudes. By mistake Ruyk had got a death note of his own and given it to light. THIS WAS THE FLAW IN L'S PLAN. How? FIND OUT.

"L!" Watari roared. "WE HAVE A BUGGER FLUFFING PROBLEM!"

L looked at the screen. "A dude died!" he rofled. "So what?"

"SO... DARK DIDN'T KIRA HIM!"

WHAT! L punched the table so hard that nothing happened cos he was dead weak. "HOW!"

"We need to find the real kira before he kiras us!" Watari panicked pressing all the buttons at once. He accidentallt hit the show history button and all his internet history came up and there were naked laddies in it! But this wasn't the time for naked laddies so he clicked exit all blushing and red and L dissed him.

"I will do a press conference!" L said and he did the Lind L Taylor thing and died like in the anime but then got life noted back. (THE LIFE NOTE CAME FROM A MAGIC CASTLE THAT WAS ALSO A DRAGON IN CHINA ITS NOT AN INTERESTIGN STORY OK).

Watari looked at the list of suspects. "I HAVE NARROWED IT DOWN TO ONE BLOKE" wataried

"Who"

"LIGHT MELVILLE YAGAMI!"

"What a coinkidink! I have his bro here and he is also kira! SEND HIM TO ACT AS A SPY!"

BUT DARK HEARD THIS AND BARGED IN!

"What did you say!" he said standing shirtless in front of the American flag that watari had in his office for some reason even though in English. "I will never betray my family!" and he went back to his bunk. Then he saw Mello!

He killed Mello and Watari lick in Chapter 2! EVERYTHING IS COMING TOGETHER!

He went back to America and decided that he would do everything in his power to bring down this corrupt and evil man who was called L sometimes. It would be hard but with a little help from his friends and a little bravery and a little heart and a big man thing maybe... HE COULD SAVE THE WORLD!

_SO YOU'VE READ THE REST OF THE STORY AND YOU KNOW HOW THAT WENT. DARK DEFEATED L... BUT THERE WAS A PRICE. A PRICE THAT WE ALL MUST PAY ONE DAY... THE PRICE OF __**DESTROYING THE WORLD AND THE SHINIGAMI WORLD TOO**_

_But theres one thing you didn't see_...

_And it starts_

_Like_

_This..._

Light was loosing his verginity! He was in his bed with the girl from the bus and they weren't sexing very hard cos they weren't very good at it. But they were good enough... to get her pregnant? :O

Nine months later THE WORLD EXPLODED IN THE CLIMACTIC FIGHT. But there was one survivor who jumped into the portal to the puddle in ancient london! And her name was... SAMANTHER. AKA THE GIRL FROM THE BUS!

Becuase that baby was one that was to bring much evil and death into the world. "I will call you Light Jr" she said except she was so exhausted from giving birth that all she could say was "I... will call... you... L!"

Lightning crashed and boomed around her as she said these evil words.

**FIVE HUNDRED YEARS LATER**

L and Dark had had their final fight. Samanther looked sadly at her son smashing it out to the death. HOW HAD SHE BEEN SO WRONG TO MAKE THE EVIL BABY? She got a sword and blew up the death note robot and stabbed L (LIKE IN CHAPTER 39). But she didn't kill him...

"Who are you!" L gasped

"Your mom!" samanther cried.

"Finish me!" The color was washing out of him like a shirt in the wash.

"No my son you made mistakes but you deserve another chance!" He started to shrink also like a shirt in the wash. Soon he was a baby. Samanther gave him one last kiss.

"Before I go... tell me one thing" L said. "Who is my dad?"

"Light!" Samanther said and booted him into the portal to ancient London again.

"Waiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiit" L said but he was a baby now.

SO EVERYTHING MADE SENSE NOW

EXCEPT...

"Creepy dude was my dad..." L thought before he turned into baby watari. "That means Light... WAS CREEPY DUDE!"

LIGHT LAUGHED EVILLY

"YES! I PLANNED THIS ALL ALONG! YOU WERE ALL MY PORNS IN THIS GAME OF CAT AND MOUSE AND I AM IT!" Lights face flashed and it was obvious that he had been polluted by the powers of the death note too! For his face which was once human and skinny was now shinigami and scaly! He slicked back his Mohawk made of blood and skulls and jumped on the motorbike to the past to meet watari. (AN: BECAUSE HE HAD TURNED INTO BLUD BECAUSE HE WAS BLUD ALL ALONG! I ADDED THIS AN COS PEEPS DIDNT GET IT!)

And then the whole thing started again...

THE END

_I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS STORY! If not tell me and i will change it ;_; BUT ITS TOO GOOD TO CHANGE SO YOUD BETTER F-CKING LIKE IT!_

_**THE END x2!**_

_**WRITTEN BY D'ARKYAGAM'I**_

_**BASED ON THE DEATH NOTE SERIES BUT MADE BETTER BY D'ARKYGAAM'I**_

_**IDEAS BY SOME DUDES ON TWITTER AND IN THE REVEWS SOMETIMES! THANKS FOR READING CHICKS AND DUDELY CHICKS! CHECK OUT REALDARKYAGAMI ON TWITTER FOR MORE FUN DARK AYGAMI FACTS!**_

_**DIRECTED BY D'ARKYAGAM'I**_

_TV shows do that bit where a funny bit happens after the credits so HERE YOU GO!_

Dark was in the kitchen eating a sandwich. Blud came in!

"_**I HAVE A JOKE!**_" Blud bellowed so loud the sandwich became a toasted sandwich.

"What is it?" Dark said.

"_**YOUR MOM**_"

Everyone started laughing. They all do a bow to YOU the AUDIENCE for being so awesome and the curtains close!

**THE END x3**

**THE END... 4EVA**

**Maybe :P**


End file.
